Buddha Tossing and Other Sports at Beijing


The Beijing Olympics have been and will be fodder for excellent crossover sports-politics commentary. But those tempted to try should probably throw in the towel now (note the sports metaphor–few and far between in my writing), because NR's John Derbyshire has done the definitive satirical piece.

He writes up the new "demonstration sports" to be introduced in Beijing this time around, including:

Organ removal

Buddha Tossing. Infant children declared by the Dalai Lama to be incarnate Buddhas must be seized and tossed into a barbed-wire enclosure, where they will spend the rest of their lives eating rice gruel and sewing export-quality gunny sacks. Extra points for family members of the living Buddha rounded up and incarcerated. (Half points for those dead on delivery to the enclosure.)

Organ Extraction. A test of speed and skill in wielding surgical instruments. A succession of convicted criminals, or members of obstreperous religious sects, are strapped to operating tables and their organs are removed without anesthetic, to be sold to intermediaries for transplant into wealthy foreigners. Points are awarded based on the total market value of the removed organs.

See the Falun Gong practicing for the Organ Extraction event above. And of course, the ever-popular:

400-Fetus Relay. Teams of competitors administer forced abortions to women who have violated the one-child policy. A complicated scoring system awards points to each termination based on age and sex of fetus.

Via Jay Nordlinger's Impromptus