How To Deal with a "Born-Again Celebuthug"
Ron Hart weighs in on the rash of recent celebs who turn to Jesus after getting busted:
When all these thugs and dopes try to come into court with the Bible acting like they have turned their lives around somewhere between conviction and sentencing, I would do what one of my favorite judges does. Anytime a heinous criminal shows up in court with a Bible, this judge always asks the toter of the Good Book if he knows where the Apostle Paul was when he wrote most of the books of the New Testament. Invariably the defendant does not know. The judge then bangs the gavel and says "Paul was in jail, and I am going to give you the same opportunity that he had!"
Regarding Lousiana Sen. David Vitter:
Recently, Senator David Vitter, another "Family Values" Republican from Louisiana, played the religion card after he got busted hiring Washington, D.C., hookers. He told his constituents something to the effect that he had resolved his actions with his God. Now, unless his God is Charlie Sheen, my guess is that this kind of reconciliation is going to take more than a press conference.
More troubling to me as a Libertarian, Vitter said the he often would pay the prostitute and just talk to her instead of having sex. I view this as just another alarming example of government waste, and I find it even more troubling than his hooker problem.
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More troubling to me as a Libertarian, Vitter said the he often would pay the prostitute and just talk to her instead of having sex. I view this as just another alarming example of government waste, and I find it even more troubling than his hooker problem.
Nick, you've got it all wrong. It's extremely cost effective when compared to a licensed psychotherapist and I'll bet you get better advice.
Well, stupid jocks like Michael Vick resort to Jesus in a pinch,
but for real party-animal celebs, rehab is the true calling.
My friends who are criminal defense attornies all tell their clients under no uncertain terms "do not talk about finding Jesus or God or Allah since you have been in jail!!" No one, not judge nor jury ever buys that crap. I love the old joke "You found Jesus? Really? I didn't know he was lost."
"He told his constituents something to the effect that he had resolved his actions with his God"
I think Veter needs to watch O'Brother Where Art Thou
"PETE
The preacher said it absolved us.
EVERETT
For him, not for the law! I'm surprised at you, Pete. Hell, I gave
you credit for more brains than
Delmar.
DELMAR
But there were witnesses, saw us
redeemed!
EVERETT
That's not the issue, Delmar. Even
if it did put you square with the
Lord, the State of Mississippi is
more hardnosed.
Jesus always seems to be hiding in someone's fuck-up!
And don't forget, Michael Vick "found Jesus" too.
J Sub D wins the thread with the first comment. Compare and contrast non standard psychotherapy with the officially recognized variety.
J Sub D's comment is funny. But why risk getting busted in a personal visit when you can just call a 900 number for the same service?
Only talking to hooker after payment is pretty gay. Couldn't you talk about your problems while you're screwing her? That seems the most cost effective.
As I'm sure Nick will vouch for, Libertarians don't need no steenking psychyotherapists.
It's everybody else who needs psychotherapists.
"Only talking to hooker after payment is pretty gay. Couldn't you talk about your problems while you're screwing her? That seems the most cost effective."
Since you are paying for the whole hour, you could even talk to her after you screwed her. It does seem like a waste of a good hooker.
Finding God doesn't work for most criminal defendants.
But it does seem to work to some extent for some female criminal defendants who have committed violent crimes, because the romantic paternalism of many judges makes them susceptible to almost any appeal suggesting that violence is out of character for a woman, making them desirous of believing that a female defendant is no longer violent.
One good thing about George Bush is that, for all his flaws, he saw right through Karla Faye Tucker's attempt to play the God card to get out of her well-deserved death sentence for committing truly gruesome and agonizing murders.
As I'm sure Nick will vouch for, Libertarians don't need no steenking psychyotherapists.
But some do require prostitutes. 😉
The logic of our laws is so screwed up.
Paying someone to have sex with you while being filmed? Legal!
Paying someone to have phone sex? Legal!
Paying to have actual sex while not being filmed? Illegal!
Hos have great conversational skills.
I think Vitter pulled a Clinton. I did not have sexual relations with that women!
Funny how the Republicans had a big problem with Clinton, not so much with one of their own.
The big difference is Clinton didn't pay (cash) for it.
"I didn't have sex with that hooker" = "I smoked it, but I didn't inhale"
Do they think we're idjits?
toxic -
you were almost there.
She's a very cunning linguist
"I didn't have sex with that hooker" = "I smoked it, but I didn't inhale"
Do they think we're idjits?"
I am constantly amazed at the number of wierdos out there. Frankly, it wouldn't surprise me if this dumbass got off by talking to the hooker rather than screwing her. Maybe he likes jerking off better than screwing or figured that if he didn't screw her it was somehow okay that he was married. Who knows, but it is not completely implausable that this clown was paying a hooker and then not screwing her.
Reinmoose! Too funny!
How about she's a great whorator?
I know the fact that Clinton didn't even know how to smoke dope but wanted to be president bothered me back in the day. Of course I know he inhaled all along but still.
With Vitter who is my Senator he will be toast in the next election regardless of the terms he and God worked out between themselves, God won't be able to save him from the unemployment line soon enough.
Remember folks we are talking about people who are themselves high price prostitutes that go by other names like Senator and Representative, etc. If ever someone was selling out themselves and the rest of the country its in politics. Some dude getting blown in his car on Plank Rd. for $20 is of no consequence to me. Someone selling themselves out which in turn sells me out is much more harmful to me directly than all the street corner pussy and high priced called girls in the world peddling their goods daily.
Sad part is if the politicians are the prostitutes that makes us the Johns. And the special interest groups and lobbiest are the big daddy pimps.
"I didn't have sex with that hooker" = "I smoked it, but I didn't inhale"
Do they think we're idjits?
Apparently, they do.
"I didn't have sex with that hooker" = "I smoked it, but I didn't inhale"
Do they think we're idjits?
Or do they just want us to think they're idjits?
Seriously. What a waste of good weed... didn't inhale...*crosses arms and pouts*
Remember folks we are talking about people who are themselves high price prostitutes that go by other names like Senator and Representative, etc.
Then why does it feel that I'm the one getting screwed?
""Do they think we're idjits?""
Why yes, they do.
"""God won't be able to save him from the unemployment line soon enough."""
What God can't do, the Republican lobbyists can. Vitter will have no problem finding a job.
"I tried smoking pot once, I didn't know what I was doing. I was high on Cocaine."
Rodney Dangerfield
Everybody turns to Jesus when the cell door slams shut.
Nevermind that the Apostles were all long dead* by the time any of the New Testament was written.
(*Assuming they and Jesus ever existed, which there's really no evidence for except what the Church fabricated in later centuries.)
-Disgruntled former theology major
Czar
There is some internal and stylistic evidence that the books Matthew, Mark, Luke and John were written within the time which the Apostles might have lived. The letters of Peter and Paul also seem to have contemporary referrents.
There is also evidence for the existence of Christ in the writings of Josephus, if one wants to take seriously a Roman Quisling.
The historicity of Christ, however, actually has no bearing on the existence of God unless one chooses to believe it.
open threadjack...
czar:
didn't get much outa college, did you?
john:
"figured that if he didn't screw her it was somehow okay that he was married"
so if he screws her its not Ok and and
if he doesn't screw her its not Ok? What definition of adultery are you using here?
*inhales* *coughs*
"Compare and contrast non standard psychotherapy with the officially recognized variety."
The non-standard variety comes with an optional happy ending.
Hart is probably as funny and sharp as PJ O'Rourke. This is a classic one of his columns, pointing out the sillyness of all of this.
It is good to see that we might have someone to replace PJ out there now. Ron does a helluva job using humor to make our points.
I recently visited the 23 year-old grandson of an employee who found himself in jail for a violent crime (as an accessory); first offense. I was there at the family's request to serve as a "male role model." Apparently his own father had not provided much in that regard, having received visits in prison himself from this son many years earlier.
The young man was a bit nervous to see me. I asked him how he had gotten himself into this mess. He appropriately replied that he had gotten "caught up with the wrong kind of people."
Then he allowed that he had "been saved last Tuesday, right here in the jail."
I replied, "looks like you didn't get saved too well- you're still on the wrong side of this glass."
Then I told him that getting saved didn't happen at 2 p.m. on Tuesday, or any other time specific. It's a process, like digging out of a hole.
He's out on parole and working in his first job. No other word about Jesus. He does talk about his attorney, though.