The War on Thongs

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It continues apace:

Droopy drawers that bare skin or underwear might soon be forbidden fashion on the streets of Alexandria and Shreveport, and violators could be forced to part with some cash.

"I'm tired (of) looking at behinds," Shreveport Councilwoman Joyce Bowman said after Tuesday's 4-3 vote to ban fanny-flaunting trousers.

Nobody can be arrested just for violating the ordinance, but they could be fined or required to perform community service. The maximum fine for a first offense is $100.

Alexandria's City Council voted unanimously Tuesday to ban the baring. Its ordinance allows some sag, but 3 inches or more can bring a fine of $25 to $200 and a requirement for community service.

Here's a fun activity for the last, sleepy week of August: Design a law that's even more biased against otherwise-law-abiding teenagers.

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  1. I could get behind a law against thongs bigger than size 6, but a total ban? That’s insane.

  2. Oooo! Oooo! Set the drinking age to 21!

    …Oh…wait.

  3. Design a law that’s even more biased against otherwise-law-abiding teenagers.

    Make graduated statuatory rape laws where if you have sex with someone more than one year older or youger than you, you are guilty of rape. Or make it sex with someone who is not the same age (year).

    Or go the whole hog and make sex with anyone under 18, no matter by whom, illegal.

    This is fun! And sort of sickening because it doesn’t seem that farfetched.

  4. OK it’s stupid. However, indecent exposure is a crime everywhere. One could look at this as just a matter of drawing the line between legal and illegal.

    The fine part is what really bothers me. When the penalty for breaking the law is the government gets money, then law enforcement becomes more about fund raising than about standards of decency (traffic safety, whathaveyou).

  5. Its ordinance allows some sag, but 3 inches or more…

    What’s the reference point for the 3 inch sag?

    To piss off old guys I’d outlaw any wearing of pants where the waistband is above the navel.

    Design a law that’s even more biased against otherwise-law-abiding teenagers.

    Outlaw texting.

  6. Curfew laws. Laws about how many passengers a teenager can have in his/her car.

  7. Design a law that’s even more biased against otherwise-law-abiding teenagers.

    Ban violent video games. Or at least selling them to teenagers.

  8. Design a law that’s even more biased against otherwise-law-abiding teenagers.

    Call it the Reason Law: all communties must be governed according to rules decided upon by people outside that community.

  9. “However, indecent exposure is a crime everywhere.”

    Yeah, but here it’s a crime even if there is no exposure. The law applies to revealing one’s boxers.

    You want to destroy teen culture? Ban bikinis at the beach. Nobody wants to look at some pubescent, nubile, smooth skinned, glistening, oiled, tanned young girl in the prime of her life. It’s disgusting.

  10. “Baseball Hats cannot be worn at an angle greater than 15 degrees from centered over the nose”

  11. “fanny-flaunting trousers”

    What’s a fanny in American? In British it has a different, though not wildly dissimilar, meaning.

  12. The plumbers! Won’t somebody PLEEEAAASE think of the plumbers!

  13. Call it the Reason Law: all communties must be governed according to rules decided upon by people outside that community.

    I have to admit that I laughed out loud at this Dan T comment…it does beg the question at what age a teenager ought to have the right to vote on local issues/elect representation in local govts.

  14. You know, they could be somewhat reasonable and make everyone dress for their body type. My guess is that most of the people on that city council would have to leave the house wearing a burlap sack.

  15. Watch out…The do-rag is next

  16. Outlaw texting.

    To be specific, outlaw texting except in cases where you make a big show that you are about do something radical and cutting-edge (e.g. “Excuse me, but I am about to send a ‘text message’ on my ‘Blackberry’, please step aside”)

    Also, outlaw use of the term “Whatever”

  17. at what age a teenager ought to have the right to vote on local issues/elect representation in local govts.

    Teenagers!? Hell, I say we move the voting age up to 35.

  18. His Trollness Dan T. speaketh. All hail His Holiness Pope Trollius the Ist!

    In all seriousness, how can fucktards like these councilpeople think to themselves, “why, of course, it’s completely within my purview to regulate how people wear their clothes. And it’s productive to boot” is beyond me.

    gaijin:

    it does beg the question .

    No it doesn’t, it RAISES the question…either way, I don’t think that’s what his Trolliness was going for.

  19. Hey Warren, we could jump on the next “old people” thread and come up with a ceiling after which you cannot vote. That’ll get that socialist security thing taken care of!

  20. What’s a fanny in American?

    Fanny = butt, caboose, derierre, badonkadonk, tushy, etc.

    It covers the entirety of the butt area including the cheeks, the crack, and the anus itself. It extends horizontally from hip bone to hip bone and vertically from just below the waist to the taint.

  21. Design a law that’s even more biased against otherwise-law-abiding teenagers.

    The Skin Blemish Criminalization Act of 2007?

  22. Thanks, de stijl. In British it’s the opposite body part (for females).

  23. from just below the waist to the taint.

    Drink!

  24. Ayn Randian:

    In all seriousness, how can fucktards like these councilpeople think to themselves, “why, of course, it’s completely within my purview to regulate how people wear their clothes. And it’s productive to boot” is beyond me.

    That’s just a failure of imagination…the council was elected to represent their local constituents, many of whom are parents of the dress code warrior’s targets. When the people delegate their authority to those they elect, it isn;t really hard to imagine this…which was also the reason I raised the question ‘At what age should a teenager have the vote (and thus, the power to represent/elect representation of themselves?).

  25. What if there were no underwear to bare? If there is no hair down there, and no bare derriere, where oh where do they start measuring the 3 inches from?

    Do they measure sitting or standing?
    I can’t sit down without flashing whale tail, but for $100 I’d just leave the thong at home and hope that bare crack was less obvious than black thong.

  26. A ban on those under the age of 21 possessing or consuming alcohol.

  27. Design a law that’s even more biased against otherwise-law-abiding teenagers:

    This reminds me of a client who wanted our help (I am an attorney) re-writing his employee handbook. He employed a lot of teenagers and wanted to ban dreadlocks, cornrows, and afros. I said, “So, essentially, you want all your blacks to be bald?”

  28. No more than one roll of the soffe shorts’ waistband.

  29. What if there were no underwear to bare? If there is no hair down there, and no bare derriere, where oh where do they start measuring the 3 inches from?

    Drinking colloidal silver and wearing blue jeans would throw them off for a while.

  30. They see me rollin
    They hatin
    Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty

  31. Thanks, de stijl. In British it’s the opposite body part (for females).

    Likewise Australia.

    Also, if the subject of the conversation is a sporting event do not, I repeat, do not ask your Australian friends which side they are rooting for.

  32. Would there be an exemption for working plumbers?

  33. Ruthless,

    No. Especially plumbers. I mean I don’t want to be assualted in my own house with that! There oughtta be a law!!

  34. What do British people call Fanny-packs, then?

  35. Jimbo,

    Bum-bags.

  36. What do British people call Fanny-packs, then?

    A plethora of pussy.

  37. Ban Jews and all problems with fashion will be solved.

  38. I understand the ‘bob’ can be British for ‘dildo’ Which really makes you wonder about that common British expression “Bob’s your uncle, fanny’s your aunt”

  39. Yes, we keep it in the family back in the Old Country.

  40. Will the Institute for Justice be representing the plumber’s union in a restraint of trade action?

  41. Call it the Reason Law: all communties must be governed according to rules decided upon by people outside that community.

    ?!!

    Dude, you so opened yourself up on this one. But I’m a’gonna let it pass. I’ll let the others wail on ya.

  42. Have any other posters here noticed how cleavage for breasts may extend to the naval? This is allowable on the red carpet for nationally televised arts award programs among other occasions.
    Shouldn’t butt cleavage therefore be allowed down to the back of the knees?
    Join me in supporting butts/bums/fannies rights.

  43. Teenagers!? Hell, I say we move the voting age up to 35.

    I have a better idea. The problem is that these lifestyle laws result from actions of crotchy, calcified, and–dare I say it–senile idividuals. These are people who have forgotten what’s it like to be young and pine for the “good old days” and “taditional values” that never were. People who haven’t been sexually aroused for decades.

    Such people are an anathema to freedom since they can and do use their political clout to get their age-inspired tyrannies enacted into law.

    Therefore, I propose a MAXIMUM age limit to vote or hold public office. I suggest something reasonable like say… 45.

    Freedom is to important to let the old farts ruin it all.

  44. Isn’t it bad enough that government in the Anglo-Saxon countries regulate every aspect of our lives already but where young people are concerned the intrusive sex laws…They need more Statutory Rape laws.

  45. “The problem is that these lifestyle laws result from actions of crotchy, calcified, and–dare I say it–senile idividuals. These are people who have forgotten what’s it like to be young and pine for the “good old days” and “taditional values” that never were. People who haven’t been sexually aroused for decades.”
    Akira,
    I resemble most of that remark.
    Nevertheless: Freedom for bums, bosoms and farts say I!

  46. “obody wants to look at some pubescent, nubile, smooth skinned, glistening, oiled, tanned young girl in the prime of her life. It’s disgusting.”

    That’s right! There ought to be a law against tempting all those horny middle-aged men into becoming pedophiles!
    Heck, there ought to be a law against showing off the prime of life to any of those retentive fat-assed, saggy-boobed, life-hating aging baby boomers electing these nitwit “representatives”, protectors of public decency.

  47. “to any of those retentive fat-assed, saggy-boobed, life-hating aging baby boomers electing these nitwit “representatives”, protectors of public decency.”

    Will other old farts out there join me in heading off this lynch mob at the pass? I’m gettin’ nervous.

  48. “I’m tired (of) looking at behinds,” Shreveport Councilwoman Joyce Bowman said after Tuesday’s 4-3 vote to ban fanny-flaunting trousers.

    She should stop looking at behinds, then.

    This kind of crap makes me glad I live in Tokyo. Thank god for a country where mandatory school uniform laws make girls where skirts that fall a centimeter from their asses. The way girls dress in downtown Tokyo at night would in America get them all locked up which, if my extensive research on women’s prison conditions are any indication, would be pretty sweet also.

  49. Ruthless,

    I appreciate your concern. I’m 57, well almost. What makes me think I’d be excluded? Well, I’m not fat-assed (says my wife), obviously unable to be saggy-boobed and I love life. Chances are nobody would ask me for details, I’d just be lumped in with the crowd after a quick look at what’s left of my grey hair. But I’ll be damned if I ever give in to these assholes passing these asinine laws and their supporters F-em-all!

  50. “after a quick look at what’s left of my grey hair.”

    martin,
    I was tempted to respond that everything is to the left of my grey hair because I’m to the right of Atilla the Hun.
    But I can’t, because I’m a peaceful anarchist, which obviously means I’m fair and balanced and loving.
    (I still have ALL my grey hair… neener neener.)

  51. “I’m tired (of) looking at behinds,”

    Wonder why she doesn’t have a problem with all those pumpkin-shaped asses plainly enhanced by tight, but properly pulled up, knit stretch shorts, swayed about on naked varicose vein-outlined stumps all of which is topped by a football which in turn is hugged by a pair of inverted pears, barely obscured by a tank top with 2 pairs of straps, one of which is of another color. Now that’s an obscene get-up! All visible at many a store all summer long. – YUK –
    I bet her problem is that the sexy teenagers might become objects of lust while nobody in their right mind would want to make love to one of the above-mentioned mounds.

  52. Design a law that’s even more biased against otherwise-law-abiding teenagers.

    I hereby outlaw the word like.

  53. @Ruthless

    Will other old farts out there join me in heading off this lynch mob at the pass? I’m gettin’ nervous.

    Don’t worry about it. Remember, our generation still has to answer for Wild in the Streets.

    Come to think of it, being consigned to an LSD camp for the rest of my useless life wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen….

  54. The war on plumbers, you mean.

  55. Perhaps the City Councils should simply require that all women wear burqas and all men wear kaftans.

    CB

  56. ‘bob’ can be British for ‘dildo’

    Those Encyte commercials make sense now.

  57. I support such a law, but I think the punishment should be gang-rape. If we’re gonna make a law, let’s give it some umph!

  58. Martin, you are a credit to your culture…You don’t think that young people should have the right to govern their own bodies? or that you should do it for them? Queen Victoria would be proud. Pedophelia is a clinical Diagnosis and you don’t know what you are talking about.

  59. You just said it sir..”Public Decency”. It has nothing to do with Rape or abuse. It is a civil or cultural transgression that is imposed under Victorian/ Anglo Paradigm and you are a perfect reflection Mr. Martin of the many lives, families and carreers that are destroyed by ignorant nonsense.

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