Herding Goats

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Trent Lott is not proposing that we build an electrified goat fence around Mexico:

Sen. Minority Whip Trent Lott, R-Miss., was talking to reporters Wednesday about the immigration bill, when he said, "If the answer is 'build a fence' I've got two goats on my place in Mississippi. There ain't no fence big enough, high enough, strong enough, that you can keep those goats in that fence."

"Now people are at least as smart as goats," Lott continued. "Maybe not as agile. Build a fence. We should have a virtual fence. Now one of the ways I keep those goats in the fence is I electrified them. Once they got popped a couple of times they quit trying to jump it."

"I'm not proposing an electrified goat fence," Lott added quickly, "I'm just trying, there's an analogy there."

Translation: It's Apt. Apt!!

Via Thinkprogress.

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  1. No, it’s a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-pt

  2. I agree with MikeP.

  3. You ever try to hold one of them there slippery Mejicans and to put a collar on ‘im? I’m tellin’ you it just can’t be done!

  4. Warren,
    That was ba-a-a-a-a-a-ad.

  5. What about collars? Or cattle prods? I’m just trying, there’s an analogy there.

    EDIT: Damn, Kwix beat me to it.

  6. “Now people are at least as smart as goats,” Lott continued. “Maybe not as agile Senators.”

    Fixed it.

  7. Why doesn’t Reason just allow TP to guest post here? Both sources have the same intellectual abilities (OK, TP might be ahead there) and same regard for the truth. It’s a match made in heaven!

    On a related note, the WhiteHouse has reportedly been posting defenses of the SenateImmigrationBill on a “wide range” of both conservative and liberal sites.

    However, I’ve only been able to find four possible conservative sites where they could have posted such defenses.

    None of those sites are liberal, and four isn’t a “wide range”. Details at the link.

  8. Don’t whiz on the electric fence.

  9. It was better when Steve King suggested this last summer complete with visual aids.

  10. de stijl,
    I though that you meant Stephen King had made some kind of horror movie about mexicans getting rocked by an electric fence. Now I have to go write that movie.

  11. “Now people are at least as smart as goats,”

    Most people. Most goats. Fixed that typo for you, Rep. Lott.

  12. Why doesn’t Reason just allow TP to guest post here?

    I was unaware that TP was an actual individual.

  13. Electrified fences would be pretty cool, but if we’re going for pain and bodily harm, I think we’re going the wrong way.

    We don’t need to build up, we need to dig down. Imagine a giant moat stretching from California to Texas filled with crocodiles, pirhanna, lions, and sharks with friggin laser beams on their head.

  14. We don’t need to build up, we need to dig down. Imagine a giant moat stretching from California to Texas filled with crocodiles, pirhanna, lions, and sharks with friggin laser beams on their head.

    Hey, that’s my idea, come up with your own.

    On the other hand I love the idea of swimming lions. I think I’ll share credit after all.

  15. CFisher:

    Land mines would be simpler.

    I’m not proposing we mine the border. I’m just trying… It’s just an idea, is all.

  16. Of course, there are some minor technical details to be settled.

    Like which side of the border we do the actual digging on. The Mexicans seem to be a tad touchy on the subject of gringos taking their territory.

    And if we dig it on our side, what do we do with the San Diegans?

    Of course, maybe with properly placed nuclear charges exploded deep underground we could cause a great continental rift which would split the two countries exactly at the border and cause them to move apart.

    Hey, I need to see if I can get in on this. It sounds a lot more interesting than designing common old roads.

    Besides if we can do that wil have flying cars in not time flat, so I’ll be out of a job anyway.

  17. Wait a minute. Then the Messicans’d be able to drive their flying cars over the giant moat.

    Oh wait, that’s why the sharks need the friggin laser beams on their heads.

    I declare, Fisher, old boy. I believe you’ve thought of everything.

  18. In reaction to building the wall through his city, the president of the Chamber of Commerce in McAllen, Texas, suggests building a wall around Washington, DC:

    “We feel the need to protect ourselves from bad legislation, bad ideas and a waste of tax money,” Ahlenius wrote.

    “A wall around their homes and businesses will give the legislators and Washington bureaucrats a better understanding of what kind of message this action will send.

    “Let’s see if they decide to climb over it, tunnel under it, or walk over it.”

    Since Senator Lott’s idea requires getting electrified collars on the animals or people you are trying to restrain, and since members of the federal government are easily rounded up and tagged, it seems that a virtual fence around the District of Columbia would be much easier than anything done at the Mexican border.

    It would have the added benefit of restraining only people who are provably damaging to the economy — that is, members of the federal government.

  19. Virtual fence around DC with everyone inside wearing a collar.

    An exploding collar, of course.

  20. I agree with MikeP, but I thoroughly repudiate the position taken by thoreau.

    Say, if we were to build giant walls and build an illegal immigrant defense system based on our anti-missile technology, would we end up breeding a race of super immigrants (i.e., from the survivors)? Hmmm.

  21. I don’t know, guys. Legislators trapped in DC with nothing better to do will probably end up passing more laws out of sheer boredom.

  22. MR LOTT I CONGRATULATE YOU ON YOUR THINKING BUT IT IS STILL NOT ENOUGH SOMEONE HERE MENTIONED LAND MINES EXCELLENT START BUT BEFORE THE LAND-MINERS START THINKING THEY’VE DONE THEIR JOB WE HAVE TO REMEMBER MEXICANS ARE SMARTER THAN GOATS AND THEY WILL DIG UNDER THE LANDMINES THEY ALLREADY DO IT TO SMUGGLE LEPERS AND DRUGS TO THE ATHIEST ANTIAMERICANS SO CLEARLY WE MUST TRY HARDER I HAVE PROPOSED A COMBINATION OF MOATS, SHARKS, LASER BEAMS, LAND MINES, AND RABID PACKS OF WEASELS TO DROP INTO THEIR LAND MINE EVADING TUNNELS I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL FORTRESS AMERICA IS SAFE FROM ILLEGALGRANTS

  23. >Lisa: They should take a good look at themselves, and what
    their church has become.
    [the congregation gasps]

    Lovejoy: Lisa, it’s still the same basic message — we’ve
    just dressed it up a little.

    Lisa: Like the Whore of Babylon?
    [the congregation gasps]

    Lovejoy: That is a false analogy!
    Lisa: No, it’s not. It’s apt. Apt!
    [more gasping]

  24. Of course, there are some minor technical details to be settled.

    Yeah, like the fact that our southern border is in the midpoint of a river for most of its course?

  25. Yeah, like the fact that our southern border is in the midpoint of a river for most of its course?

    How is that a problem? This is a moat we’re talking about. If anything the river’s an advantage, saves digging and all.

    See, my superior engineering knowledge gives me an advantage over a mere layman like yourself.

    Now a fence. That and a river are a problem.

    No, I am more than ever sold on the moat idea. It can’t fail.

  26. It most especially can’t fail, what with Fishers swimming lions with frikkin’ laser beams.

  27. Someone should explain to Mr. Lott that his neighbors’ goats are coming over to do the work that his own goats simply do not want to do.

  28. Imagine a giant moat stretching from California to Texas filled with crocodiles, pirhanna, lions, and sharks with friggin laser beams on their head.

    With all the pollution and discarded weapons being dumped into the Rio Grande, this scenario doesn’t seem so far fetched.

  29. SO AMERICAN IT HURTS – RABID PACKS OF WEASELS

    The images this bring to my mind are worth the price of admission to this forum, at a minimum.

  30. A fence need not stop anyone, it only needs to let the person crossing it know that they are not welcome. The fence changes what might have been an accidental transgression to an intentional act.

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