Cellphone Ray Menace to Family Jewels Thwarted

|

Afraid that your cellphone may be emasculating you? Then there's good news–the Swiss clothing company Isabody is offering fashionably black underwear made using threads of silver that it claims protects "men's sperm from harmful cell phone radiation." Textually.org reports:

The inventor, Andreas Sallmann, explains that when you put a cell phone inside your briefs, then dial your number from another phone, you probably won't even get a signal.

What? No boxer briefs? In any case, now that the alarm has been raised, the precautionary principle requires that all cellphones be banned until it has been defiinitively proven that they do not cook sperm.

NEXT: Do You Have the Worst Commute in Los Angeles?

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. No thank you. I already have more sperm than I know what to do with.

  2. Stevo is right. There’s a glut of sperm on the market.

    People are giving it away. Begging others to take it off their hands.

  3. It is telling that our sex-sodden society has moved from responding to irrational fears with tinfoil hats to responding with tinfoil underwear. It’s like we’re saying, “Do what you will to my brain, but don’t mess with Mr. Happy.”

  4. J.R. LOL Really LOL

  5. What’s everyone got against prairie oysters al fresco?

  6. It is telling that our sex-sodden society has moved from responding to irrational fears with tinfoil hats to responding with tinfoil underwear.

    Or maybe you’re projecting, just a tad.

  7. …when they pry it from my…

  8. crimethink,

    Given the abundance of humans on this planet for thousands of years it is fair to say that we’ve been sex-sodden as a species for a while.

  9. Um, crimethink, are we Catholics supposed to get upset over people who don’t want any manmade devices to prevent fertility?

  10. crimethink: I thought you were pro-pregnancy. Shouldn’t you be for requiring men to wear a Faraday cage around the berries? Otherwise a guy could use his cell phone in lieu of a condom.

  11. So, since the Christian God is supposed to have made man in his image does that mean that God’s use of a cellphone might make him sterile?

  12. OK, maybe I jumped the gun a little. Usually when people worry about their genitalia, it has nothing to do with fertility, so I had a knee-jerk reaction.

    As for Grotius’ comment, the growing human population speaks to the prevalence of sex for procreation; it doesn’t speak to the glorification of sex for its own sake.

  13. crimethink,

    As for Grotius’ comment, the growing human population speaks to the prevalence of sex for procreation; it doesn’t speak to the glorification of sex for its own sake.

    Yeah damnit, all that screwing was for the Queen or God or something. Anyway, the rampant use of sex in poetry, sculpture, the fact that your own church used to have prostitutes, etc. illustrates that sex for the sake of non-procreative purposes is a rampant theme in all of human societies. Indeed, the very first Greek lyric poet we know of wrote erotic poetry – his name was Archilocus. The poem concerned double-penetration (amongst other things).

  14. d00d! Slight problem with the idea of reproduction and human sexuality.

    Figures. No la sorpresa

  15. Usually when people worry about their genitalia, it has nothing to do with fertility, so I had a knee-jerk reaction.

    Oooooooo, the knee-jerks are the best.

  16. VM,

    In one class I took a professor assigned some short excerpts from 19th century translations of Greek works dealing with erotic themes. The “Victiorianization” of the language was absolutely hilarious.

  17. And this is supposed to be a problem? It’s a FEATURE!

    😉

  18. Could imagine!

    Stuff like that gives a really interesting snapshot into the era!

    Do you know of any research or theories on religions that tend to teach prudishness (ignorance of sexuality) and those that tend to have a distinct gender hierarchy (e.g., women may not hold certain positions in the political structure of the religion)?

    And is there, in your opinion, a connection between the two practices or the two religions?

  19. VM, you’re leading the witness.

  20. VM,

    Hmm, not really. In many ways Greeks and Romans weren’t “prudish” (accoding to modern standards) and in other ways they were (and this naturally varied from person to person). Still, neither was a particularly egalitarian society when it came to gender relations.

    One place to look would be amongst the Gauls, who did practice greater equality amongst the sexes (so much so that the Romans used practices like female political leaders to label the Gauls barbarians). I unfortunately know little about the Gauls and their sexual practices.

  21. VM,

    At least the Romans viewed Roman women as persons with legal personalities (though they had to be exercised through except in certain instances where a woman had emancipated herself – they were rare individuals as far as I can tell). Of course one has to balance this out the notion of the pater familias . With the Greeks of say the time of Pericles women didn’t even really have any standing in law.

  22. Thanks, Gro!

    What about in western European societies (Pre and Post Enlightenment)?

    Gut feeling the “this naturally varied from person to person” and the “in some ways yes, other ways no” would apply beautifully 🙂

  23. VM,

    Anyway, I know that a lot of the sexual and gender issues associated with Christianity are often laid at the feet of Paul. From what I can tell though the early Church Fathers (like Jerome) had far nastier things to say about sex and gender than Paul ever did. Then again lots of other traditions – like anti-semitism – can be found in the words of men like Jerome.

  24. VM, you’re leading the witness.

    Witness or witless?

  25. Grotius,

    The vast majority of Christianity’s sexual and gender “issues” are inherited from Judaism, however much it’s currently fashionable to pretend that the Jewish faith has been enlightened since its founding.

  26. VM,

    Honestly, outside of the world of the Romans and Greeks sexuality isn’t an issue I’ve studied much. Two books I’ve meant to read for a long time are the following:

    John Boswell, Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality: Gay People in Western Europe from the Beginning of the Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century (as I understand the work it basically argues that hostility towards homosexuality wasn’t as severe as one might expect during this period; anyway, it has spawned a ton of research since its publication)

    Rachel P. Maines, The Technology of Orgasm: “Hysteria,” the Vibrator, and Women’s Sexual Satisfaction

  27. VM + Grotius – re: gender equity amongst the ancients – The society that was egalitarian was the Etruscans. The Romans were scandalized at the extent to which they allowed their women to take part in civil society.

  28. BakedPenguin,

    Yeah, that’s a good example I should have mentioned.

    crimethink,

    So you are blaming the Jews?

  29. No, I’m pointing out that the idea that (a) women were inferior to men and not to be put in positions of authority, and (b) sex should be primarily viewed as a means to procreate, was not an invention of Paul, Jesus, or the Church Fathers. Both ideas are deeply woven into Judaism and most other Near Eastern traditions, as well as many other cultures worldwide.

  30. crimethink,

    No, I’m pointing out that the idea that (a) women were inferior to men and not to be put in positions of authority…

    Well, that was also true of Roman culture and Rome has as much influence on Christianity (particularly the Catholic Church – jeez, look at the Church’s structure and hierarchy – it is modelled in many ways on the hierarchy of the post-Republican Roman Empire) as Judaism.

    …and (b) sex should be primarily viewed as a means to procreate, was not an invention of Paul, Jesus, or the Church Fathers.

    Even they weren’t it was the position taken by the Church Fathers (though probably not by Paul).

    Both ideas are deeply woven into Judaism and most other Near Eastern traditions, as well as many other cultures worldwide.

    Personally I have no idea if that is case or not, though from what I know of ancient Near Eastern prositution as well as the practices of Jewish kings (e.g., having both many wives and concubines) I doubt that such an attitude was uniform.

  31. Doesn’t it seem like silver thread running through your shorts would be fairly efficient in conducting body heat from your abdomen and buttocks to your groin and, particularly with briefs, raise the temperature of your scrotum enough to lower sperm motility?

    Unintended consequences strike again.

  32. crimethink,

    Or look at it this way; when Enkidu gets banged by Shamhat it ain’t to procreate. 😉

  33. Then there is all that homoerotic wrestling that Gilgamesh and Enkidu do. 😉

  34. A discussion of cell-phone-resistant underwear quickly turns into fulminations about the Christian Menace. I must be at H&R.

    “religions that tend to teach prudishness (ignorance of sexuality)”

    OK, let’s try this thought experiment. It’s 1975, and man consults a couple of friends of his about a problem he’s having: “I have these urges to have sexual relations with women (or men) to whom I’m not married. Should I act on those urges?”

    Friend #1, an ignorant prude from a backwards religious tradition, says “don’t do it-it’s wrong and harmful.”

    Friend #2, a more enlightened sort, says “go ahead – it’s perfectly natural and healthy.”

    Which friend’s advice should he take, knowing what we know now (for example, about AIDS and the “Unexpected [sic] legacy of divorce,” as one study put it)?

  35. How familias is your peter?

  36. Mad Max,

    Note that crimethink (a Christian) started us off with the general social commentary.

  37. Mad Max,

    Oh, and as long as the guy wore a condom he’d probably be alright.

  38. “Within your cell you will discover what you will only too often lose abroad. The cell that is dwelt in continually becomes a delight, but ill kept it breeds weariness of spirit. If in the beginning of your religious life you have dwelt in it and kept it well, it will later become a dear friend and a welcome comfort.”

  39. I hate to interrupt, but how is it that Ron wrote a H&R entry, taking a swipe at the precautionary principle, no less, and Joe still hasn’t snarked up?

  40. To VM,

    I recall reading that in viking societies, at least on Iceland, that women had it pretty good compared to their European mainland sisters. I’m pretty sure women were ‘allowed’ to own property and if so, could vote at the Althing.

  41. I’ve been known to talk out my ass from time to time, but I can’t seem to think of a single occasion that I used my cell phone near my twig and berries for (scientifically disproven) ‘phone radiation’ to come into play.

  42. Chuckle – cool!

    I’ve heard that about the Faeroe Islands, too. In the Folketinget there, as well.

    But what is it about the Anglo Saxon societies that Vikki’s prudishness persists?

    Think: attitudes in A.S. nations as opposed to, say, France, the Scandinavians, Netherlands, etc.

    What’s going on there? Effects of 1848? Bottled water? India Pale Ale?

    cheerio.

  43. I’ve been known to talk out my ass from time to time, but I can’t seem to think of a single occasion that I used my cell phone near my twig and berries for (scientifically disproven) ‘phone radiation’ to come into play.

    Back in ancient times when cellphones were big enough to hang on your belt instead of slip into your shirt pocket they spent a lot of time in proximity.

  44. Besides the Etruscans, Gauls and Northmen, the pre-Christianized Gaels didn’t have a problem with emancipated women. Once those damned Roman legions showed up, and later the Bishop of Rome’s priests, na mn? m?ra were eventually put in their places.

    The theory I am most familiar with regarding the advent of sexual prudishness is that it wasn’t a big deal among tribal people who didn’t pass property or political power through patrilinear descent. Once papa wanted to be sure of who his kids were, limiting access to his baby mama became important. That may be vulgar Marxism, but I’m no anthropologist.

    Kevin

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.