Cocaine: The Anti-Drug

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Connecticut is suddenly enforcing an obscure beverage licensing law and seizing hundreds of cases of the energy drink Cocaine. Officials say they're concerned about whether water used in the production of the drink is safe for drinking. Oh, and also they think the drink will destroy Connecticut's children. And ruin Hartford's "image":

Hartford's mayor said he will continue to work with merchants and neighborhood leaders to keep the drink off the shelves and away from city youngsters.

"I welcome the embargo of this product that glamorizes illegal drugs and works to undo all the positive strides that Hartford residents and businesses have made in regards to the Capital Citys image," Perez said.

But Cocaine, protests the drink's maker in apparent earnest, is the D.A.R.E. program of highly caffeinated beverages:

The drink is named Cocaine to reach young people in an anti-drug effort, Kirby said. It does not contain drugs.

"Kids want to hear an anti-drug message from other kids, not from adults," he said. "Politicians and adults don't see that."

Jacob Sullum catalogues Cocaine's legal woes here.

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  1. Hartford’s image?

  2. As a resident of CT, I can confirm that AG Dick Blumenthal is indeed, a dick. Has been for ages.

  3. They should have called it FCUK.

    That’s much more clever.

  4. “I welcome the embargo of this product that glamorizes illegal drugs and works to undo all the positive strides that Hartford residents and businesses have made in regards to the Capital Citys image,” Perez said.

    So April Fool’s Day extends throughout the month now? I’m sitting in Hartford even as I type this, and I can assure you: of all the many, many bad things locals say about this city, the fact that you can buy a beverage named after an illegal drug doesn’t even make the top one thousand.

  5. JW: have you read Syrup, by Max Barry?

    I agree that the ban is absurd and ridiculous, but I also think that the argument that the soft drink contains an anti drug message is absurd and ridiculous. Is the idea that if people can get a whole liter for a $1.75, they wouldn’t get a gram for whatever high price the powder variety sells at?

  6. “They should have called it FCUK.”

    Welcome to the layer cake.

  7. I agree that the ban is absurd and ridiculous, but I also think that the argument that the soft drink contains an anti drug message is absurd and ridiculous.

    True, but an absurd, ridiculous justification for a ban backed by the full force and authority of government is far more worrisome than an absurd marketing campaign.

  8. mediageek wins this thread.

  9. Officials say they’re concerned about whether water used in the production of the drink is safe for drinking.

    I heard that lab tests revealed that the water they’re using contains up 1,000,000 ppm of dihydrogen monoxide, a chemical responsible for millions of deaths each year.

  10. JW: have you read Syrup, by Max Barry?

    Nope. Just the first silly product name that came to mind designed for the shock value that the makers know the culture prudes will fall for.

  11. Yeah, kids who have gotten a pill for their behavorial problems are going to get a negative message about drugs from an energy drink. They should also ban “Rock Star” energy drinks because we all know that the rock star lifestyle is anti-children.

  12. mediageek….eh? I admit with shame that I have no clue of what you speak.

  13. What if they just change the name to “Blow”? I was going to suggest “Coke” but I think that ones taken.

  14. No Hartford thread would be complete without a gratuitous link to Brass Bonanza.

  15. By the way, Perez is currently under investigation for allegedly giving a lucrative city contract to a crony in a sweetheart deal. Not very good for Hartford’s image, methinks.

  16. The weekly drive-by shooting in Hartford, OTOH, only gives it more ‘street cred’.

  17. They should change the name to Crystal Meth.
    It connotes a clean, healthy, sparkly beverage.
    Who could possibly object to that?

  18. Some of the potholes on Park Street are quite nice. And I admire the road planners’ artistic disregard for antiquated notions like “a two-lane street should be at least wide enough for two compact cars to drive side-by-side.”

    Since you can never drive faster than five miles an hour, Hartford streets are a great place to stop and smell the roses. Or whatever the hell that stench is.

  19. The “message” that the drink is trying to push is irrelevant. They could sell a drink called, “Pedophilia is fun”, and the gov’t still has no right to interfere.

  20. semantically inspired pissing and moaning over a word (in this case “cocaine”) will get us nowhere

    a word is disarmed only when it is addressed (even embraced) by a large segment of the pop

    look at the history of the word “nigger”

    in the 40 years I’ve been paying attention, the market on that word has swung so far that, today, an earnest KKKer on a “niggah this” and “niggah that” rant sounds suspiciously like some rapper or another

    bitching about the word “cocaine” being used to market a beverage is a fall back refuge for our scoundrel leaders who can’t seem to stem the in-flow of an outlawed import, and have taken to blaming consumers rather than the importers who have been kicking their asses in the “War on Drugs” from day one

  21. In one respect, this episode is useful.

    It shows us a quite naked example of the way in which regulations demanded in the name of “public safety” eventually always devolve into petty instruments of harassment to be employed by cheap hack politicians [is there a bigger dirtbag in the nation than Blumenthal? Seriously?] against unpopular figures.

  22. MP- Not really gratuitous, if Hartford’s image is the question at hand, because the Brass Bonanza is probably the greatest thing it ever gave to the world.

  23. Wow, lots of angry white southern Republicans up there huh?

  24. The drink is named Cocaine to reach young people in an anti-drug effort, Kirby said. It does not contain drugs.

    So the name of the drink is like the term “roach motel,” which fools roaches into thinking they can leave whenever they want to, I guess. How does the anti-drug campaign work, exactly?

  25. So the name of the drink is like the term “roach motel,” which fools roaches into thinking they can leave whenever they want to, I guess. How does the anti-drug campaign work, exactly?

    I think it’s “you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.” Not sure how that works out on your bill, though.

  26. Roo, that is sad news.

    “The cocaine, with an estimated street value of $500 million, will be turned over the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration, which will take the drugs to Miami to be destroyed, Leshak said.”

    Dea agents in Miami are quoted saying they will work for weeks on end with no sleep in order to destroy this evil. (I might have made that part up) This job should be contracted out to the private sector.

  27. I think it’s “you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.” Not sure how that works out on your bill, though.

    That billing policy makes sense. I’m not a speciesist or anything, but your typical roach is a creditor’s nightmare.

  28. To be fair, eagles aren’t much better.

  29. The only good thing about Hartford is that it’s not Bridgeport. New Haven and Stamford are the only livable cities in the state (though there are a ton of great towns).

  30. I’m not a speciesist or anything, but your typical roach is a creditor’s nightmare.

    Wrong drug, sweetums. We’re talking cocaine here, not marijuana.

  31. Wrong drug, sweetums. We’re talking cocaine here, not marijuana.

    Here’s the kind of roach motel you’re thinking of, love.

  32. Here’s the kind of roach motel you’re thinking of, love.

    I am trying so hard to convince my boss that sending me to Amsterdam for an expose of such places would serve a sound journalism purpose. Damn him for being smart enough to see right through that.

  33. Tell him you’re allergic to marijuana. Tell him it makes your face break out (into a smile, that is).

  34. How much cocaine (the drug, not the soda-pop) gets consumed in the USA every year?

    It’s all imported, and so much gets in that it’s marketed to the poor.

    I think it’s the money. The maritime bust posted above had a purported value of half a billion dollars. That’s a lot of money… and it’s only a single (albeit record breaking) interdiction. The cocaine import market represents more than enough money to subvert the parliament of (cheap) whores and quislings we’re passing off as government/law enforcement.

    We oughta move enforcement offshore entirely

    turn the spies loose on ’em

    make import interdiction the cornerstone of the anti-cocaine effort

    which brings about one of my many “what would happen if” questions:

    What would happen to the economy if the domestic supply of cocaine was interrupted?

    (think: dope fiend stock brokers who can’t score…not to mention stock in whoever makes Chore Boy and those glass stem crack pipes sold in ghetto convenience stores all over.)

  35. No Hartford thread would be complete without a gratuitous link to Brass Bonanza.

    AWESOME!! I used to remember hearing that all the time on one of the old NHL games. It was, at the time, the only actual home team fight song in the game.

    I used to love the Whalers old green jerseys. I still have a blue one with Shanahan’s name and number. I’ve seen a couple identical ones go on ebay for about $450.

  36. “mediageek….eh? I admit with shame that I have no clue of what you speak.”

    JW-

    Go rent the movie Layer Cake starring Daniel Craig. You won’t be disappointed.

    The opening monologue is well worth the price of admission.

  37. And ruin Hartford’s “image”:

    The image of being quite unfriendly to liberty remains intact and accurate.

  38. Hartford is, was and always will be a rotten, little shithole with a for-crap hockey team and filthy gloom filled streets and buildings. It has insurance companies in place of a civic soul. It is by far, the foulest place in New England.

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