Believe Me, I Know that Global Warming is No Laughing Matter, but…

Null Hypothesis: The Journal of Unlikely Science "reports" that Bristol University scientists are claiming the $25 million Branson prize. The prize will be awarded to any individual or group developing a commercially viable technology capable of removing carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases at the rate of at least one billion tons a year over a 10-year period.

According to the press release:

Scientists at the University of Bristol have cracked climate change. Less than a month into Richard Branson's five-year competition, academics will take their winning idea to Virgin Earth and walk away with a cool $25 million.

The solution, published online by The Journal of Unlikely Science, is remarkably simple, requiring no technological wizardry or financial investment. It is quite simply, stop breathing; or at least breathe less…

"If we merely cut out one breath in three, we could decrease the amount of CO2 entering the atmosphere each year by a staggering 0.63 gigatonnes. That's the same effect as saving 5 million acres of land (an area the size of Wales) from deforestation."

In related news, a former Canadian Defense Minister is demanding that governments worldwide disclose and use secret alien technologies obtained in alleged UFO crashes to stem climate change.

"I would like to see what (alien) technology there might be that could eliminate the burning of fossil fuels within a generation … that could be a way to save our planet," Paul Hellyer, 83, told the Ottawa Citizen.

Alien spacecrafts would have traveled vast distances to reach Earth, and so must be equipped with advanced propulsion systems or used exceptional fuels, he told the newspaper.

Such alien technologies could offer humanity alternatives to fossil fuels, he said, pointing to the enigmatic 1947 incident in Roswell, New Mexico—which has become a shrine for UFO believers—as an example of alien contact.