If You're Going To North Korea…

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…be sure to wear some flowers in your hair. And if you want to participate in the first official rock concert to be held in that worker's paradise, let's get clear on the groundrules for the battle of the bands:

A pro-North Korean organisation says it is inviting US and other Western musicians to perform at an unprecedented rock concert next year in Pyongyang—as long as they avoided sexy or violent lyrics.

Songs should not contain "admiration for war, sex, violence, murder, drug, rape, non-governmental society, imperialism, colonialism, racism and anti-socialism", organiser Voice of Korea said in a statement on its website.

"We welcome every musician as long as they are purely music-based without political intentions," it said Thursday.

More here.

I am not sure if any rock band will be able to appear.

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  1. I am not sure if any rock band will be able to appear.

    I don’t know…I’m pretty sure Air Supply is available.

  2. I smell a polka fest.

  3. Weird Al’s the man!

  4. What they want is a band that does “Schoolhouse Rock” cover tunes.

    “conjunction junction, what’s your function?”

    See, it works!

  5. I don’t know, when they start with “I’m just a bill…” the stage would be rushed with nightstick wielding policemen. It could get ugly.

    All the socialist punk bands should go over there and play. I’d love to se their faces when they got back. What do you think of socialism now punk?

  6. “We welcome every musician as long as they are purely music-based without political intentions,” it said Thursday.

    My guess is they wouldn’t have a problem with Audioslave…

  7. Now I really want to see someone write a song that expresses admiration for every one of those things, in the order listed.

  8. ‘Schoolhouse Rock’ Also gave us ‘No more Kings’, ‘The Preamble’, ‘The Shot Heard ‘Round the World’, and ‘Fireworks’ which gave us this line from Thomas Paine:

    “It’s only common sense (only common sense)
    That if a government won’t give you your basic rights
    You better get another government.”

    . . .just sayin’.

  9. They can listen to Kenny G instrumentals, I guess.

  10. System of a Down should totally play the lounge at the Ryugyong Hotel!

  11. I remember that the Manic Street Preachers played Cuba once. As if being poor and stifled wasn’t bad enough, having to listen to that shit is just piling on.

  12. Perhaps They Might be Giants could slip past the censors.

    As long as they don’t sing their tribute to James K. Polk.

  13. This sounds like the perfect venue for precious indie-pop folksters like Sufjan Stevens. I don’t think he endorses a single one of those horrible things. I bet his music jumps the cultural barrier too, insofar as loathsome glibness is universal.

  14. …although I am not an expert in rock music,” Kim said.
    Painfully obvious.

  15. They can listen to Kenny G instrumentals, I guess.

    ROCK MUSIC. This humble critic does not include Kenny G. in the category.

  16. Rush could fly over, play “YYZ” and say that the rest of their retertoire is censored and go home.

  17. Five ten fifteen twenty STOP! Twenty, that’s a coooool numbah!

    I would recommend an all instrumental surf rock festival.

  18. Madpad, I don’t think that you completely thought through your Air Supply comment, or have you forgotten their pro-Imperialism stance regarding the Belgium reconquest of the Congo? Tragically, this requirement will probably deep six the appearanc of most popular bands from the past decade.

  19. Finally, a rock concert that Joe Lieberman can enjoy.

  20. Now I really want to see someone write a song that expresses admiration for every one of those things, in the order listed.

    Ok, I’ll bite….

    Oh war, glorious war!
    Compared to you, sex is Al Gore

    We kill the enemy to prove our might
    And smoke joints until the middle of the night

    But that is not the best part
    The rape of foreign women is what truly excites my heart

    What has war given us most of all?
    The right to live without government interference at all

    America was founded on taking Indian’s land
    And our overseas imperialism continues into Afghanistan

    Oh, just wait till we colonize Iran!

    We brutalize Sunni, Shia and Kurd
    Because whites are superior, didn’t you read the Bell Curve?

    We live to hold down the masses
    Through our bourgeois food and fashion

    Hail to our leader, he taught us we can!
    RIP, Milton Friedman

  21. “non-governmental society”

    What the hell does that mean?

  22. GC: Excellent works! Your lyrics over a nice Pantera-derived riff ought to rock the house.

  23. “non-governmental society”

    “What the hell does that mean?”

    Anarchy, I would presume, the nightmare of every good statist.

  24. They could invite back an “American rock star” who has already played North Korea: Slick Willy’s half-brother Roger Clinton.

  25. Is F.A.G. going to be there?

  26. The Eagles actually might find a venue for “Journey of the Sorcerer” that is NOT “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”-related.

    Otherwise…maybe Rockapella?

  27. “Songs should not contain “admiration for war, sex, violence, murder, drug, rape, non-governmental society, imperialism, colonialism, racism and anti-socialism”, organiser Voice of Korea said in a statement on its website.”

    Maybe I’m not following, but am I to understand they’ll subject thousands of peaceful people to live performances of Christian Rock?

    Oh the humanity! …and the DPRK still denies it tortures people?

  28. As a member of a surf rock band, I would argue that despite being instrumental, a pro-sex message is implied by the music. 🙂

  29. Hom Il Sim Song and the B-Shar Peis

  30. Well, at least they won’t have to worry about crowd control or noise abatement.

  31. Let’s have a fundraiser to send Glass Tiger to North Korea.

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