Balloon Smuggler In the Heart of Dixie

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Loretta Nall, the Libertarian Party candidate for governor of Alabama who was last seen around here admitting her aversion to underpants, presses the flesh with a mammocentric run in the closing weeks of the campaign. Nall is urging voters in the Camellia State to focus on her breasts:

"It started out as a joke, but it blew up into something huge," said Nall, a 32-year-old with dyed blond hair.

Her campaign is offering T-shirts and marijuana stash boxes adorned with a photo of her with a plunging neckline and the words: "More of these boobs." Below that are pictures of other candidates for governor—including Republican incumbent Bob Riley and Democratic Lt. Gov. Lucy Baxley—and the words: "And less of these boobs."

Her Web site has a cartoon of someone stuffing bills down the front of her low-cut top. And for $50 donation she apparently offers to show a cartoon of herself flashing her breasts.

Whether it's the prominent headlights or the unfettered caboose, Nall is gettting screwed by the usual election shenanigans that require third-party candidates to gather 40,000 voter signatures to get on the ballot. On the plus side, despite her ample bra-stuffing, Nall has also not reached the $25,000 threshold where campaign finance regulations kick in.

On the stump, Nall points to her misdemeanor arrest for marijuana possession in 2002, which led her to form the U.S. Marijuana Party, and notes that her one-woman panty raid prevents her from visiting her brother in prison. Visit her slow-loading site for a view of a modestly dressed candidate.

Other news from the LP hall of shame: Blue candidate Stan Jones inveighs against the world government.

NEXT: Most Expensive Midterm Election Ever—But Such Small Portions of Democracy

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  1. I remember the previous post on her, after the underwear/prison incident. I also recall Jennifer lamenting that this freakshow is the LP candidate. I agreed with her at the time, and I agree now. Nothing like a laughingstock to trivialize valid positions.

  2. I suspect the LP is the freedom movement’s worst friend. That coffee klatch of nattering moonbats does much more harm than good.

  3. Decidedly not hot enough to run on her chosen platform.

  4. Ok, generally I try to refrain from making comments about a person’s physicality. However, if you decide to make your looks a central part of your campaign, you should at least have the foresight to hire a professional photographer to take your photos.

  5. Unfortunately Libertarians disapprove of suckling at the public teat.

  6. The damn LP. In pa we have eminent domain cases, outrageous taxation, a governor who has failed to elimnate property taxes, etc….

    It should be a cakewalk for the LP. So I was excited to see how they would promote themselves at the county fair.

    THEY SOLD HEMPZELS!!!! that’s right, pretzels made from hemp. The booth was addorned with those marijuana lights and leis you buy at head shops.

    I couldn’t even bring myself to argue with them that this may not have been the best strategy.

  7. Huh, I re-read the posts for the old undies/prison article, and I was wrong about Jennifer’s position in those posts. Other people were doing the lamenting about her being a sideshow, not Jennifer. Sorry about that. Getting old……..or too many brain cells dying a hero’s death.

  8. If she’s 32, I’m unborn.

  9. Why is it that libertarian principles make so much sense and Libertarian candidates are always such a total joke?

  10. Lee- I don’t know. I do know that when I look around at some of the kooks associated with libertarianism, I wonder if I’m wrong. Can I really share ideas with a guy urging me to hide silver in the backyard or trying to build a country off-shore? Or a group that thinks selling hempzels will win any converts? The more whackaloons I see around the movement, the more I wonder if the ideas themselves are crazy.

  11. Lee,

    There’s no single answer to that question, but there’s no doubt that the overemphasis on drug legalization has contributed mightily to the problem. The few local LP meetings that I’ve been to were generally dominated by Tommy Chong. Well, someone very like him, albeit well armed. “Dave’s not here!” I’ve seen better from the national representatives of the party, but it’s the local people that are really the most important in the long run.

    I also tend to think that many people who call themselves Libertarians are really only single-issue libertarians and not necessarily philosophically aligned with classical liberalism as a whole. Which means that the party hovers around the fringes rather than focusing its message on things like less government, tax reform, and other items that would likely have much greater popularity and, for the most part, work much more to solve all the other problems, too.

  12. The problem with an inclusive, live-and-let-live party platform is that, inherently, it’s a magnet for all the crazy fucks who want to take full advantage of said platform. It’s sad, but unavoidable.

  13. Lee and Six, I spent some time trying to type out something insightful about liberty, the ideals of freedom, etc.

    But then I just decided to scrap it and go with the following:

    Politics attracts attention whores.

  14. It takes a special person to belong to a party that has no real hope of ever winning an election. And when I say “special”, I mean “insane”. Greens and commies have the same problem.

    But, what if a comedian ran for president? That would be funny.

  15. At least then I’d feel like I was in on the joke.

  16. Hmmm… a political party that “hovers around the fringes”… I swear I’ve heard that before.

  17. Though we should be honest–if this were Salma Hayek running as a Libertarian in a similar manner, why she might be able to win the presidency (yes, yes, I know, but amendments can solve that problem). She has the perfect libertarian surname, too. And just imagine the radical change she’d make to our foreign policy. Iran would be a secular democratic republic within a week of her first state visit.

  18. Jeff P., you just made me spit-take Dr. Pepper all over my keyboard!

  19. Few practioners of radically alternative cultural movements plunge into mainstream currents and counterparts. Not many alternative therapy practioners apply to medical school; it’s the rare health-foodist who has any use for conventional culinary institutes. Could it be that participation in the current political system is distasteful to rigorous idealists? Also sad but true.

    Kant described the tragedy of history arising from the fact that those who seek power do not deserve it.

  20. Few practioners of radically alternative cultural movements plunge into mainstream currents and counterparts. Not many alternative therapy practioners apply to medical school; it’s the rare health-foodist who has any use for conventional culinary institutes. Could it be that participation in the current political system is distasteful to rigorous idealists? Also sad but true.

    Kant described the tragedy of history arising from the fact that those who seek power do not deserve it.

  21. Why is it that libertarian principles make so much sense and Libertarian candidates are always such a total joke?

    Ed Clark was certainly not a total joke and he ran on a radical platform. The only lack of “purity” was the recognition that it would take time to enact the changes.

    The “expulsion” of the “gradualists” from the LP after 1980 pretty much destroyed the LP.

    That said, I do think that Ms Nall’s variety of political theater can be constructive. Most who are shocked are not going to be persuaded by reasoned argument (whatever that is) but some might be shocked into rethinking their values.

    Now, a blueskinned crackpot railing against “the new world order” is certainly nuts, but to my way of thinking only slightly more than a guy who thinks God talks to him and another who thinks he can decree the end of all social and economic problems (if only “we” spend enough money).

  22. Holy christ, what a horrible website. My head hurts now. So not only is she trying to become governor, she’s trying to induce epilepsy as well. Kudos. ARGH! Plus she’s not even good looking.

  23. If she’s 32, I’m unborn.

    I was thinking that, too. I’m 32 and she looks at least ten years older than I do and I don’t look young for my age.

  24. Jeez, does no one reading Hit and Run have a sense of humor? A candidate drawing attention to her big cans is funny! After the chuckles, people might just notice her positions on the issues.

    On the other hand, a safe, respectable Libertarian candidate is guaranteed to be safely, respectably ignored.

  25. Decidedly not hot enough to run on her chosen platform.

    To be fair to Nall, she didn’t choose to make her breasts an issue. A conservative commentator started it. (I don’t have the reference at hand.) Still, I don’t disagree that she may have milked too much publicity from it.

  26. I was thinking that, too. I’m 32 and she looks at least ten years older than I do and I don’t look young for my age.

    Okay, that I agree with. That’s the oldest-looking 32-year-old I’ve ever seen.

  27. Why is it that libertarian principles make so much sense and Libertarian candidates are always such a total joke?

    My experience from my active stint in the LP: The party long ago headed down the road of Rothbardian dogmatism, and has a long record of failure, so a lot of libertarians with mainstream or moderate views have been pressured to leave, and libertarians who want to see results have given up on the party.

    Many of the people who show up for meetings nowadays are lonely, poorly socialized souls. (Not all, by any means — there are some incredibly cool people in the LP, too.) When it comes time to find candidates to run for various offices, they are usually drawn from whoever happens to be in the room at the time. The nuttiest people often are the ones with the most spare time; sort of a political “Peter Principle”.

    Competition to be the Libertarian candidate for a particular office is very rare. I’m one of the few Libertarians I can think of who ran against another Libertarian in a primary.

  28. Now there’s a winning strategy. But, keep in mind that hooking didn’t work for the LP and I don’t think boobs by themselves are going to work either.

    Visit her slow-loading site……..

    like watching grass grow…..or a comment post on a popular blog that happens to be near and dear to my heart.

  29. I lost interest in the LP myself for reasons which now have boiled down to my obervation that even a Libertarian political party is plagued with organizational politics, and I have a fundamental aversion to organizational politics, by which I mean the struggle to influence and dominate the activities of the organization (the struggle to influence and dominate people).

  30. “My experience from my active stint in the LP: The party long ago headed down the road of Rothbardian dogmatism, and has a long record of failure, so a lot of libertarians with mainstream or moderate views have been pressured to leave, and libertarians who want to see results have given up on the party.”

    Who am I to doubt personal experience but that has to be the least accurate description of the history of the LP since Newsweek included Lyndon LaRouche as a party member. The reality has been just opposite.

    Several years ago the LP became the default “catch all” party for gooney “pox on both your houses” reformists, computer programmers who think they are edgy by promoting school vouchers and Neal Boortz listeners, with a few nativists thrown in hence quite moderate and completely irrelevant.

    There is no market demand for a Libertarian-lite despite all the grumbling by said computer programmers and Boortz fans who are in fact still Republicans with merely an axe to grind against Xtian fundies.

    As for all the tut-tutting of Loretta Nall, I am always amused by all the plaintive calls to “live and let live” until someone actually does.

  31. This from the group who thought a drunken Katherine Harris and Assaholic Ann Marie Wonkette are hot?

    Smacky and Jennifer should run for office!

  32. Libertarians will never make any progress while they make pro drug policies the centerpiece of their agenda. I say that as a classic conservative with strong libertarian leanings.

    But most conservatives with families have a major aversion to drug legalization. It is a policy that has failed whenever tried, just look at Europe.

    Cut that from your platform, push the economic and government limitation policies and you might make some inroads.

  33. Katherine Harris is not great looking, agreed. However, she does have similar assets to the subject of this thread and probably would have a better chance of winning if she took a similarly revealing stance.

  34. But most conservatives with families have a major aversion to drug legalization. It is a policy that has failed whenever tried, just look at Europe.

    Huh! Exactly where in Europe have drugs been legalized?*

    And exactly how are the less draconian drug policies of Europe a failure compared to the monstrosity known as the War on Drugs here?

    Cut that from your platform, push the economic and government limitation policies and you might make some inroads.

    Yeah, right. Republican lite – tastes great, no, less filling.

    *Before you say “the Netherlands” check the facts.

  35. Pretty much any publicity for the Libertarian party wherein the Libertarians are noticably not aligned with Lyndon LaRouche is an improvement at this point.
    Seriously, the number of people out there who think the libertarians are run by LaRouche is very disheartening.
    Anyway, I think she’s attractive. I’d vote for her.

  36. Agesilaus, you may be correct, but I find it inconceivable that with the largest percentage of incarcerated population on earth, the largest absolute number of incarcerate population on earth, many of the inmates presumably with friends and families, that opposition to the drug war doesn’t resonate. Even if it’s not a “winning” issue, it’s the right issue. Abolition wasn’t always a winning issue, but it was important to make it an issue regardless.

  37. Isaac,

    Heh, heh, I have a new favorite word: gedoogbeleid (from your link), which apparently means “policy of tolerance”. We could use some more gedoogbeleid here.

    How is this crazy word pronounced, anyway?

  38. How is this crazy word pronounced, anyway?

    That’s a good one. My impression is that Dutch pronunciation is even less intuitive to Anglophones than other Euro languages*.

    I do know that the double-o is pronounced as O rather than U though.

    That is not a problem though since almost all Dutch people speak English (except for the very old) so visiting there is almost like being at home. Except for the windmills and great beer, that is.

  39. The War on Drugs is a national tragedy and should not be abandoned by the Libertarian Party.

    Every bartender in Holland speaks English, I know because I’ve spoken to everyone of them.

  40. I’m no expert, but I had a Dutch roommate for a while. G is pronounced like the German or Scottish “ch”, so like “h”, but with phlegm.

    So my take on it is:

    Cheh-dohch-beh-leid (pronounced like the word “lied”).

    More on topic, LP people are crazy, so they might as well show their boobs.

  41. I dunno, all sounds like the usual tit-for-tat to me. Just sayin’.

  42. And with twits like this you want to know why the Libertarian party will always be pulling less than 5% in any election?

    Sheesh. Clean up your party, guys.

  43. And while I am at it… the incrementalist, moderate and mainstream libertarians are full of crap on the “Nall is acting kooky” trip. If Nall had run for any position on the LNC during this last Portland convention, the Libertarian Reform Caucus geeks would have been drooling all over themselves. Hell, given the mating habits of the average LP member, you could stick a wig and rack on Samuel Konkin’s corpse and it would have bested just about anyone in the chair’s race.

  44. I’d redistribute her surplus.

    She could cross my picket line.

    I’d regulate her emissions.

    I’d privatize her commons.

    Tax her? Oh yeah. Confiscatory-style.

  45. Libertarians will never make any progress while they make pro drug policies the centerpiece of their agenda. I say that as a classic conservative with strong libertarian leanings.

    Walter Williams, a Reason Foundation Trustee, pointed that out to the LP about 20 years ago in slightly stronger language. I believe he called it the equivalent of masturbating in public.

    I still have that old VCR tape of the CSPAN coverage of his speech at the convention somewhere.

  46. I wish I had noticed this post earlier.

    You people claiming Loretta is a joke, have your head wedged so far up your ass, you can taste your tonsils. Loretta is a superb candidate who has campaigned tirelessly with a strong libertarian platform. Evidencing a sense of humor, is not the equivalent of being a joke.

    She is running a write-in campaign on a shoestring budget. Her decolletage is what is getting her the most attention and so she’s using it. It is after all, the only reason you’ve ever heard of her. And now that you have, perhaps you should spend a few minutes finding out what she stands for before setting your fat lips to flapping.

    Full disclosure. I’ve made contributions to Loretta’s campaign and exchanged a few emails with her. FWIW she feels the same way about the LP as the prevailing sentiment here. She expected the LP would help her raise funds and collect signatures for ballot access. Apparently she couldn’t even get gas money for speaking engagements.

  47. Where in Europe is drug use legalized? It has been de facto legalized in many countries, like Switzerland:

    http://dpna.org/3swissdrubpolicy.htm

    And Netherland’s experiment doesn’t seem to be doing too well either:

    ” Holland’s tolerant drug laws were aimed at preventing drug users from getting caught up in an illegal drug environment. But the escalation in the use of coke, ecstasy, speed and heroin in that country questions the efficacy of its government’s drug policy. As a result, twenty six years after liberalization, drug laws in the Netherlands are still being debated and observers are left wondering if the longed-for benefits of legalization were just wishful thinking.”

    http://www.readersdigest.ca/mag/2000/08/think_drugs.html

  48. Warren, I understand your dismay but I also understand where the comments are coming from. Many are in the same vein of humor that Loretta is using with her BAHzooms.

    I’d vote for her despite the campaign. But in the real world many libertarians won’t vote for libertarians anyway, choosing to vote for Democrats in a misguided and desperate hope for gridlock, sheer hatred of the GOP, or because they think the Democrats offer more liberty.

    Given those circumstances, how can you expect the boob campaign to get any better response than it has here?

  49. TWC,
    She’s using her boobs to get attention and money. But once she has your attention, she’s pushing a serious agenda. I understand there are a lot of folks who will stop to gawk and muse over her tits and tune out as soon as she starts stumping. But if you actually care about political issues, especially if you actually care about libertarian issues, then once she pops up on your radar, why the fuck would you instantly condemn her in toto without bothering to browse a few web pages.

    More generally, I’m exasperated with the “all Libertarian candidates are a joke” mantra. Not that the LP doesn’t put forward some real doozies (my name has appeared on a couple of ballots e.g.). However that sentiment ignores three key points:

    Not all LP candidates are jokes. Indeed most of the Libertarians who actually run for office are level-headed, boring, folks with no money and poor public speaking skills. The can still be tarred with the “wacky” brush because they are out there proposing privatizing the utilities, legalizing dope, and repealing gun laws, but that’s the whole point, isn’t it. Of course nobody ever hears about these guys because they are boring and have no money. So where is the “LPers are all a joke” crowd?

    If you think the LP is broke what are you doing to fix it? We have a representative democracy in this country. It’s perfectly possible for a third party to upset the establishment. The LP is a real political party that actually runs candidates for office. The reason it’s filled with wackaloons is simply more sensible types would rather point fingers and bitch than get off their ass and make a difference.

    And the Number One Reason “All LP candidates are a joke” doesn’t hold water…
    Just look at the nutjobs in the GOP and DP that actually get elected.

  50. Out of respect for Angela Keaton, I would be willing to do Ms. Nall if that would help her or any other libertarian get elected to office.

  51. Where in Europe is drug use legalized? It has been de facto legalized in many countries, like Switzerland:(emphasis mine)

    Key words “de facto”. In other words they practice a less draconian enforcement regime. Drugs are still illegal practically everywhere (including Canada).

    O, and agesilaus, Readers Digest is always my first choice when I want to get up to date on public policy. Give me a fucking break.

  52. Issac you haven’t pointed at any elysian results from their drug liberalization in Europe. Seems like everyone is generally disatisfied with the experiments.

    As for the voting relatives of the large number of people in prison in the US. They are democrats in the most part who will never accept the economic precepts of the libertarians.

    You people will have to give up one or the other if you ever expect to get into power, either drugs and the dionysian lifestyle or everything else. There is no large body of voters in the US who will accept both.

  53. So the only way to get elected is to be an authoritarian republican or democrat. D’oh, why didn’t I think of that?

    Of course I know the average voter wants a boatload of free stuff from the government ant a whole raft of restrictions on his neighbor’s conduct. That’s why I’m not a political activist. It’s a losing game if you don’t want to steal from or jail your fellow citizens.

    Seems like everyone is generally disatisfied with the experiments.

    How so? A Readers Digest article. Puhlease!

    Yes, I’ve heard a lot of stories about the bad effects of drugs everywhere. All of them are by drug warriors and most of them are transparent bullshit (and easily confirmed as such).

  54. Warren, I see you and call.

    For the record, I don’t believe that I have ever passed over a libertarian candidate on the ballot in my entire life. It is a pet peeve of mine that those who espouse the libertarian line often will not vote for a libertarian.

    I’ve been around this stuff since the 1960’s and I’ve seen a lot.

  55. Drugs are still illegal practically everywhere (including Canada).”
    (1) though only recently, (the last 35-100 years, depending on the drug); and
    (2) except for the ones that are legal with a prescription.

  56. After reading her story of oppression at the hands of the underwear gestapo,I couldn’t help but like the girl.Even though I live in the north I am not that far removed from rednecks(white trash etc..).
    That girl could be a relative of mine for all I know.And even if she’s not kin I admire her disdain for petty tyrants.

  57. Lamar at October 25, 2006 09:27 PM

    You and I are on the same wavelength (on some things) but I confess, I did not get your post here.

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