And what about the fakirs? Nobody ever blames the damn fakirs

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Mysterious reader M sends in this quote and gloss:

"On Tuesday Mr. Foley's lawyer, David Roth, said in a news conference that the former congressman is gay and had been sexually abused from age 13 to 15 by a member of the clergy. Mr. Roth said Mr. Foley did not blame his conduct on the abuse he suffered as a teenager. Mr. Roth did not identify the cleric or even the denomination, saying, 'I cannot comment on whether the clergyman was a priest, a minister, an imam or a rabbi.'"

The rioting will start in five minutes.

Does this mean the House of Representatives might cancel all performances of the Foley Follies? Some good may come out of this yet…

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  1. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if, in the middle of a news conference, Foley suddenly shot a prodigious amount of black ink out of his ass in order to distract everyone while he made a hasty retreat.

  2. Please tell me his lawyer’s name is David LEE Roth.

  3. I blame Islamic secret rooms and a bad clown.

  4. He should claim that he was molested by a Scientologist. That will distract everybody while he makes a quick getaway.

  5. I love that his lawyer comes out and says, “He’s gay! and he was molested! but he doesn’t blame his behavior on these things.” So . . . you bringing them up was a complete non-sequitur? Good thing that strategy isn’t transparent or anything.

  6. I wonder if this scandal will be the saturation point for the “something-made-me-do-it” non-apology that’s become standard in public life…

    And I’m putting my money in the Foley Excuse Pool on alien abduction/mind control, now that substance abuse and childhood molestation have been tried out by the defence team and miserably failed; I think most people would prefer to be considered a crackpot than a pervert. (Well, not at H&R, perhaps…)

  7. Dammit Jeff P, you beat me to it!

  8. Dammit Jeff P, you beat me to it!

    Me too!

  9. What’s this penchant for lawyers having the same or similar names as celebrities? Isn’t Anna Nicole Smith represented/regularly mounted by Howard Stern? Now we have David Roth?

    Next press conference, Mr. Roth will suggest that everyone wants some, and Foley wants some, too. He’s also hot for teacher.

  10. And what is Mr. Foley’s religion? I really doubt he was molested for three years in the local temple of Cthulhu, or Jedi temple unless he actually worshiped there. I don’t think it would be so hard to guess the denomination of that clergyman, unless the whole dumb thing has been made up to make Foley look less creepy and more sympathetic, which does sound more likely than Foley being gangbanged by rabbis.

  11. “””He should claim that he was molested by a Scientologist. That will distract everybody while he makes a quick getaway.””””

    Or better yet, he says he was molested by his Congressman when he was a kid.

  12. Juan Arteaga,

    The Jedi really are celibates, so it can’t be them. The only exception is for sisters of Jedi and Natalie Portman.

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