Which Makes Kids Fatter, the Chicken or the Egg?

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Yesterday FCC Chairman Kevin Martin decided to grab his slice of the childhood obesity hysteria pie. Concerned that ads featuring cartoon characters are making kids fat, Martin announced plans to create a task force to consider the plight of the average child who "watches 2 to 4 hours of TV per day and views about 40,000 TV ads every year, most of them for cereal, candy, toys and fast food."

The evil genius behind the creation of the task force is Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Kan). But don't worry, he and the FCC just want voluntary cooperation from the television companies that are completely dependent on the whims for the federal government for their survival, and food companies already under siege from the CDC, the FDA, and their alphabet soup brethren:

"If we start down the road of saying we're going to limit everything and we're going to do it with a regulatory regime, I think you get everybody in a quick adversarial relationship," Brownback said. … "We urge their participation and we would love to have them participate in the process," Brownback said.

No word on whether the task force will consider the possibility that kids who watch a lot of TV are fat because they come home and sit around on their asses 2 to 4 hours a day, not because SpongeBob is selling them candy.

In other news, Krispy Kreme just appointed a former tobacco exec to serve on their board of directors.

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  1. the average child who “watches 2 to 4 hours of TV per day and views about 40,000 TV ads every year

    And that kid views four HUNDRED THOUSAND ads in ten years!! Consider THAT!!!

    (That’s sarcasm, folks…)

  2. Well, parents can’t be expected to raise their children now can they? That’s the job of the federal government.

  3. In other news, Krispy Kreme just appointed a former tobacco exec to serve on their board of directors.

    Are they deliberately trying to lose a lawsuit or something?

  4. thoreau, there are two possible reasons:

    (1) The executive was brought in because of his experience in getting sued, or
    (2) Krispy Kreme is in North Carolina, where all available executives are tobacco executives.

  5. Perhaps we should offer tax breaks for the purchase of clothing with vertical stripes. They give a nice slimming effect.

  6. Or just replace the mind-control phrases in advertising that are currently making kids and parents buy candy and sit on their asses with: “OBEY, Go forth and rise up against the FCC!”

  7. The exucative of Kripsy Kreme… I fucked him, OH!

  8. Well, parents can’t be expected to raise their children now can they? That’s the job of the federal government.

    Since they already seem to have given that job over to TV, why not?

  9. There is nothing “VOULENTARY” about the FCC any more than there is a “VOULENTARY” adherence to their repressive anti-American regulations.

  10. I propose an experiment: break test kids up into three groups. One group watches 40,000 candy and cereal ads on a treadmill, while another watches 40,000 health PSA’s on the couch.

    Which will be fatter at the end of the experiment? Obviously the kids who watched the fattening ads, because we all know the media and big corporate execs control our children’s caloric intake.

    The third group? Oh, they are given minimally decent parenting and spend some time outside playing and reading and stuff. Don’t worry about them. They’re fine.

  11. and how to explain the kids who watch 2-4 hours of tv a day and are not obese?

  12. Don’t most kids just fast foward though the commercials with Tivo? Mine sure do, they showed me how to use the damn remote!

  13. Aww, come on!

    If there are no fat kids, who’re we gonna make fun of?

  14. Since when is the FCC supposed to be concerned with obesity? Rhetorical question.

  15. …[Brownback] and the FCC just want voluntary cooperation from the television companies.

    Just like we voluntarily pay our taxes…

  16. the average child who “watches 2 to 4 hours of TV per day and views about 40,000 TV ads every year, most of them for cereal, candy, toys and fast food”

    Umm, and just how does this theoretical “average child” obtain money, transport themselves to the appropriate retail establishment and load a shopping cart full of fattning foods? Oh yeah, that’s right, parents. Huh, so what the FCC is really saying is that parents are too dumb to ignore commercials. Interesting. Wonder how that would play out at the local PTA meeting.

  17. In other news, Krispy Kreme just appointed a former tobacco exec to serve on their board of directors.

    *shrugs*

    Another former chairman for R. J. Reynolds, Lou Gerstner, was also the CEO of IBM for a number of years. Did pretty well by them, too, IIRC.

  18. Kwix is onto something:

    Even if kids decide that the HAVE TO HAVE the latest box of “Frosted Coated Sugar Bombs With Mini Marshmallows Cereal” it is up to the parents to buy it and to serve a (un)reasonable serving size. My mom would never give in to pleading (it would get you a smack upside the head) but would allow us to pick out ONE thing that we might want (either the choco milk OR the Count Chocula, not both) if we had been well behaved and then rationed it.

    I blame gay marriage (kidding! In fact, I have never seen a fat child of a gay couple…. have you?)

  19. Garth,
    That’s because they leave the unfashionable uncool fat children back in the car with a pacifier anally inserted to keep the kid quiet.

  20. My folks’ solution was to buy non-sugary cereals – Corn Flakes, Wheaties, Kix, Chex, Shredded Wheat, etc. – but allow us one glass of Nestle’s Quik with breakfast. Frequent admonishments to not oversaturate the milk/chocolate solution were administered.

    Every once in a great while Sugar Smacks or Captain Crunch would find their way onto the training table, but those were special treats. In fact, we had a holiday tradition of getting the Kellogg’s Variety Pack on Christmas and Easter mornings, so that everyone could have their own small box of their favorite tooth rot.

    Who are these modern parents without the stones to veto their kids’ food choices?

    Now admit it: if Bill Watterson relaxed his “no licensing” rule, wouldn’t you buy at least one box of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs?

    Kevin
    (Thinks Frosted Mini Wheats are a good compromise)

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