Animal Liberation Front supports right to die, just for the halibut

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I think a headline and subhed will serve as sufficient summary, commentary, and punchline for this story:

Animal Rights Activists Free 15,000 Farm-grown Fish
Fish quickly die outside farm

NEXT: The Urine Test of Credibility

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  1. At least they died free.

  2. Animal Liberation Front supports right to die, just for the halibut

    No more bad puns! You’ve reached your daily limit! We’re cutting you off.

  3. Maybe they just wanted to make sure halibut didn’t turn up in U.S. restaurants as “grouper?”

  4. Better dead than fed.

    Tim, I found a reason to colonize space. To get away from the craziness that is humanity. By the way, nice restraint not making the appallingly obvious and tempting Life of Brian allusion. Really, I’m having trouble resisting myself.

    I’m certainly not in tuna with the ALF’s cause. It’s really too shellfish.

  5. Indeed, colonizing space seems more attractive all the time. Earth is terrabull.

  6. Too many puns give me a haddock.

  7. Speaking of fish dying in ironic or funny ways, AP gave us a good story this morning. Here’s a teaser:

    Hatcheries supervisor Robert Fawcett said the bear, dressed in yellow raincoat and hat, is believed to be the first stuffed toy to cause fatalities at the facility.

  8. Although I read Virtue of Shellfishness, at heart I’m really Scallopsistic.

    We’re all just prawns in this game.

  9. I smell an insurance scam. Always follow the incentives.

  10. Grouper? You brought her!!

  11. If I can’t have them, NO ONE CAN!

  12. That mutht be one of the ichthyos thtorieth I’ve theen tho far.

  13. I took an environment class last year where we watched a movie on overfishing. The world’s fish are being depleted because we’re catching them too quickly. So when people are actually farming them and not taking them from their natural environment they are better protecting the waters. It makes me mad that people are ruining this system.

  14. That’s the farm where I found my pet halibut, Eric. I chose him out of thousands.

    I didn’t like they others; they were all too flat.

  15. Anybody ever read T. Corraghesan Boyle’s short story “Carnal Knowledge”? Very funny, and in the climax of the story, the exact same thing happens (albeit with turkeys instead of halibut).

  16. ed, do you think there’s something fishy about all this?

  17. Oh Cod!! I flounder to think of the consequences when the right to die clashes with roe.

  18. PL,
    So long as you don’t build a restaurant serving any form of fish.
    See, first you build a bar, then a restaurant, then you make the mistake of offering fish. Next thing you know you have tourists wanting All-You-Can-Eat crawfish and shrimp boils.
    As any lifelong resident of anywhere can tell you, once the tourists arrive, life goes to shit.

  19. Kwix,

    So the secret to maintaining a high culture on the Moon and elsewhere would appear to be not importing fish. Does that include sushi, though? I don’t see sushi as a tourist thing. Am I wrong?

  20. Protectionist,

    Mars it is, then.

  21. My Magic Eight Ball says it is “Very Doubtful” that sushi is a tourist meal. I think the secret to maintaining high culture is to not offer AYCE buffets of any sort including but not limited to: shrimp, crawfish, catfish or snow crab legs.

  22. Kwix,

    And no “Early Bird Specials”. Those are right out.

    Good news about the sushi. I may smuggle some of the tuna to my lunar cave complex for the occasional searing, but I’ll be sure not to publicize that fact.

    Back to Terran sushi, for those in the Tampa Bay Area, go to Samurai Blue and order the Spontaneous Combustion roll. I just had it, and it is sooo choice.

  23. Gives new meaning to the quote “Live free or Die!”

  24. As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

  25. Oh, the humanity!

  26. Right. This started out as a perfectly funny sketch about old women beating up strapping young men, but now it’s just gotten silly.

  27. It seems like the radical animal rights crowd doesn’t really care about the “rights” or well-being of any domesticated animals. They’d rather they don’t actually exist at all. It’s the attitude that accounts for PETA’s willingness to euthanize adoptable kittens and puppies in the back of a van rather than attempt to adopt them out. They don’t want to encourage pet ownership, not really. This move by the ALF was probably less to free the fish than to cause financial damage to the farmers.

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