"Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird" it's not, but Newt Gingrich's "11 Ways to Say: 'We're Not Nancy Pelosi'" is pretty entertaining. At the very least, it underscores both that the former Speaker of the House and smut-peddler is running for president and that he is quite possibly the Rupert Pupkin of American politics, forever talking to a largely imaginary audience in the wood-paneled rumpus room of his mother's house.
Some snippets from his tips to the Republican House:
1. Make English the Official Language of Government. The House should pass a bill making English the official language of government, abolishing multilingual ballots and reaffirming that new citizens should be required to pass a test on American history in English….
3. Keep God in the Pledge. Congress should take two steps to preserve the right to say "one nation under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance, a right which is supported by 91% of all Americans….
11. Focus on Iran and North Korea. The American people are very prepared to believe we face extraordinary threats from a nuclear North Korea and an Iranian regime actively seeking to develop nuclear weapons….
The biggest joke on the list? That would be "8. Control Spending and Balance the Budget," which acts as if the GOP doesn't already control spending. (And if you're interested, you might check out this stunning fact: Discretionary spending during the Clinton years increased more after the Republicans took full control of the House of Representatives; go here and check out Table 1.)