Government Causes Sperm Shortage


In a typical "I'm from the government and I'm here to help" development, last April the British government banned anonymous sperm donation for use at fertility clinics. The result is a growing shortage of native sperm. In response to this "crisis," British fertility cinics are now importing foreign sperm. As the Indedependent reports,

Warnings that "huge numbers of blonde, blue-eyed children" will be born as a result of the number of couples using sperm imported from Denmark have prompted the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority to review the shortage of British donors.

Whole article here.

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  1. Yeah, but how long will it be before they start outsourcing sperm donation to places like India and China.


  2. Brits need to step up and start producing more short children with bad teeth! Do your duty for God and the Queen and start making more Brit babies. Those Danes come here and take our jerbs!

  3. Ron Bailey, this is one subject where I’d prefer if you keep your possible conflicts of interest (or lack thereof) private. There are some things that we don’t need to know.


  4. “Huge numbers of blonde, blue-eyed children” are bad? I thought Europe had to breed more to make sure the dark-skinned furriners didn’t take over the place. Or is that just America?

  5. Just lie back, and think of England…

  6. I don’t trust sperm banks.
    Especially the ones with night-deposit holes.

  7. And they’ll be very disappointed to see that many Danes don’t come close to that description.

  8. I just love sperm depositories. Especially the ones that are tall, blue-eyed and blonde with big bobaloos.

  9. As a product of Danish sperm myself, I applaud this new development.

  10. This brings new meaning to that old Anglo-Saxon phrase, “The Northmen Are Coming!”


  11. I don’t trust sperm banks.
    Especially the ones with night-deposit holes.

    [Insert “Substantial penalty for early withdrawal” joke here.]

  12. I love the phrase “Native sperm.”
    I picture them with painted faces sitting ’round the tribal fire like a bad 1930s safari movie.
    “We will swim down the hard tunnel, and enter great wet hole…”

    Also, isn’t this how Village of the Damned began?

  13. The quote that the 93 clinics in Britain share the same 20 donors is kind of scary. Do they all fit in a short yellow bus and drive around from clinic to clinic? How much fun can it be by the time you get to the 93rd clinic?

  14. Alas, the British Royal Navy was once invincible, and now they can’t even find enough semen.

  15. The real problem is going to be the fetish for wooden shoes.

  16. I love the phrase “Native sperm.”

    Hey, it’s the new millenium…it’s “Indigenous Pre-Peoples”

  17. …but I deny them my essence…

  18. Russ 2000:

    You’ve got your Dutch and Danes confused again.

    Dutch = Wooden Shoes and Weed

    Danes = Longships and depressing Lutheran philosophers

  19. A lot of donations are coming from Denmark.


  20. There are wooden shoes in Denmark. Sweden, too.

  21. Danes = Longships and depressing Lutheran philosophers

    Don’t forget The Little Mermaid and riot-inducing cartoons.

  22. Dutch = Wooden Shoes and Weed

    Don’t forget the little dude fingering the dyke…

  23. What if sperm were like pollen?
    Love free!
    As free as the wind blows…

  24. fletch,
    Dykes don’t like being fingered by dudes, do dey?
    Who dey say gonna finger dem dykes?

  25. This is good for England, the Danes are quite an attractive people.

  26. The Danish are coming! The Danish are coming!

  27. The solution to this problem is not entirely without precedent:

    British civilians, faced with threat of invasion, desperately need arms for defense of their homes.

    THE AMERICAN COMMITTEE FOR DEFENSE OF BRITISH HOMES has organized to collect gifts of pistols, rifles, revolvers, shotguns, binoculars from American civilians who wish to answer the call and aid in defense of British homes. The arms are being shipped, with the consent of the British Government, to CIVILIAN COMMITTEE FOR PROTECTION OF HOMES, BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND.



    I propose a spermlift. I imagine mighty converted supertankers, filled with virile American sperm, steaming across the Atlantic and coming to the aid of British naughty bits in need of impregnation.

    We’ve come to the aid of our British allies before. It’s time to show our spunky American can-do spirit again!

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