From the soon-to-be-orphaned Sploid, comes one last great news tragedy that goes right to the heart of the American experience:
A brave patriot in Utah is facing trial by jury just because he had the courage to give away beer and wine at an outdoor concert.
"There's nothing like wasting taxpayer money on morality issues," says Randy Barton, whose nonprofit Mountain Town Stages hosts free summer concerts in Utah's Summit County every year.
"I could plead guilty and pay a fine, but I'm not willing to say I broke the law in the first place," he told the Salt Lake City Tribune.
Why is Barton not willing to say he broke the law? Because he had asked the local sheriff if there were any laws against giving beer away for free–and the sheriff said there was not. But it turns out that in the Beehive State, you have to personally invite anyone over for free hooch (no wonder the parties are so lame there).
Whole tale of tawny terror here.
If you'd been wondering why 37 percent of Americans wouldn't vote for a Mormon for president, maybe you found your answer.
You were there (Foster Brooks Edition): Read about the Whiskey Rebellion, when George Washington (the bastard) called out militia on folks who refused to pay excise taxes on booze in western Pennsylvania.
Also on Sploid: Houston billboard prank boasts that Jesus is "King of Jews, King of Beers."
Sploid for sale here.