Why Germans Stopped Making Babies

Reader Rimfax points us to the latest picture book from Germany. It goes a long way--in cartoonish yet graphically disturbing detail--toward explaining low birth rates there. Read on Macduff.

At least the Bader-Meinhof-looking guy isn't wearing socks and sandals in the European manner.

Comments

[jf]

The smiling baby popping out of the vagina with the "Ta-da!" look on his face is priceless. I imagine the birth of Jesus happened exactly as in that cartoon.

[the other Mark]

I have a new hero.

[jf]

I see that Ken Lay is dead of a heart attack.

In his fucking VACATION HOME. Justice sucks.

[Mr. Nice Guy]

jf:

At least we won't be wasting money on the guy in Country Club prison.

[PoN]

Not Safe For Work! We don't all have the good fortune to work for Reason.

[Daze]

Now we know where Teletubbies come from.

[Jennifer]

That's the sort of picture you guys hold in your mind when you're trying to . . . uh . . . achieve more "staying power," am I right?

[Mark VIII]

Hhhmmmm,

This book is some sort of reprint.

I had it when I was a kid.

They're definitely swingers. No doubt.

[Mark VIII]

That's the sort of picture you guys hold in your mind when you're trying to . . . uh . . . achieve more "staying power," am I right?

I think of Mr Bean dancing in his underpanse. That normally gives me an extra ten to fifteen.

Seconds.

[Warren]

Not Safe For Work!
Are you kidding? Where do you work?

That's the sort of picture you guys hold in your mind when you're trying to . . . uh . . . achieve more "staying power," am I right?

Now you know that's just crazy talk. It's not that she isn't a babe, it's that she gets pregnant. Nothing is more ... uh ... deflating, than the thought of responsibility. BTW, as of yesterday, this is the picture I've been working with 😉

[Timothy]

Oy vey.

[GM]

The words used for the father's genitalia - Schwaenzchen and Saecklein - are both in the diminutive. The normal, colloquial words are Schwanz (tail, literally, or dick) and Sack (you can probably guess). But the -chen and the -lein make them 'small', like -ito/a in Spanish and -ette in French. At this point in Germany, I am sure that Feminism was in full-swing, which trend probably also gave rise to the tendency of many households to demand that the male members sit rather than stand to urinate.

[Solitudinarian]

I'm not sure I buy the "use of diminutives for male genitalia=rampant feminism" theory, but the demand for male "Sitzpinkeln" is still quite high.

[Timothy]

I thought the sitzpinkel evolved from the bad design of German toilets.

[martin]

The captions are really priceless. Looks like one of those sex ed books from the 70s.
The most infamous one, can't remember the title, had photos by Will McBride. The kind of pics now so highly illegal that they trump drugs as a cause for war, for abridgement of liberties and for politicical grandstanding. No mean feat. Then the book was available in libraries and was even used in some progressive schools. O tempora, o mores.
At least in Germany I can wear speedoes without causing ruffled eyebrows, weird looks and funny comments. And I don't have to be afraid to be branded for life if I change from something wet into something dry in public.
O America, o mores hilarula.

Timothy, don't you think American toilets or no more splashproof, just noisier?

[GM]

That bad design I assume is what my anglophone friends and coworkers in Germany called "the observation platform," which allows the prudent individual the opportunity to see whether his digestive system is in proper working order.

[Timothy]

That is the design to which I was referring, yes. It is my understanding that the sitzpinkel developed to avoid splashback from this strange shelf. Having never been to Germany nor used one of their toilets, I have only diagrams and anecdotes. It's not that their isn't splash with an American toilet, but I imagine the splashback is less.

[ME]

A friend raised in Germany told me that the "observation platform" was required, because like all work products "you have to inspect it before you can ship it."

[s.m. koppelman]

1970s Germany had all the best kiddie sex-ed books. I grew up with Show Me! which was published in the US by St. Martins but it would be hard to imagine anything like it from a remotely mainstream publisher today.

[martin]

For what ist's worth, toilet trivia...

The way I inderstand it, the design of German toilets has to do with the path of the water flow. American toilets drain to the bottom through a pipe in the floor. The stool is bolted to the pipe flange and the seal accomplished by a compressed wax ring. German splashproofs drain into a pipe protruding horizontally from the wall. This keeps the pipe from coming out the ceiling of the apartment below. The water has to flow down, through a trap loop to keep gases sealed off, back up and out. This requires a fast rush of water accomplished by a decreasing cross section and works even without a tank. In American toilets the volume of water from the tank raises the water level in the bowl causing a spill-over down the pipe.

[Stevo Darkly]

BTW, as of yesterday, this [link] is the picture I've been working with 😉

Excellent photo!

[Jennifer]

Excellent photo!

For purging your mind of dirty thoughts? Y'all are just cruel.

[Akira MacKenzie]

Yike! That made my genitals retreat into my thorax!

BTW, what is it with the tendancy of some artists to draw the vulva as if it was IN FRONT of the woman, on the belly right below the navel, rather than in between the legs where it belongs? It's not as if we don't know it's there.

[Lowdog]

Wow, the similarities between Jennifer and a really, really good friend of mine are most striking. I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but that's the clearest pic of Jennifer I've seen, and aside from many personality and, um, life choices, they're very alike in the looks department, too. (Which is a positive thing, although I'm now lucky enough to have my own redhead to fawn over.) 🙂

[Stevo Darkly]

"Excellent photo!"

For purging your mind of dirty thoughts? Y'all are just cruel.

Not my intended meaning. It's downright smoldering.

Out of respect for Jennifer and Jeff and what they have together, I will keep further thoughts to myself.

[Warren]

For purging your mind of dirty thoughts? Y'all are just cruel.

Jennifer,
Purging? Umm no, more like nurturing.

Cruel? How so? I could, I suppose, type out (one handed) the elaborate story lines I've associated with that pic. Common decency demands that I spare you, and everyone else here, that particular horror.

All I'm saying is that your photo is Aitch Oh Tee. I believe there is general agreement on this score. And not for nothing, but I really expect an ex-stripper to take the unrequited lust of strange men in stride.

Of course you're just teasing us (as is the want of your kind) and I'm not taking it personally. Just an excuse to make another comment on the topic.

[Jennifer]

And not for nothing, but I really expect an ex-stripper to take the unrequited lust of strange men in stride.

Yes, but back then it wasn't my ideas I was trying to get noticed.

[Marcvs]

Huh. I half expected a reference to Why Mommy is a Democrat. Oh well, I can't come up with a good one, but I'm sure there is one there.

Maybe Help! Mom! There are Liberals Under My Bed! is a better choice.

[Ruthless Schick (-elgruber)]

If Brunhilde had used just a little more "blush powder," she wouldn't have had to settle for a guy with a beard.
Just sayin'.