The Dangers of Pornography

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Tim already noted & quoted The Atlantic's Zarqawi feature, but he didn't mention this part:

Despite their enthusiasm, al-Zarqawi, al-Maqdisi, and Abu Muntassir did not appear to be natural revolutionaries. Their first operation was in Zarqa, in 1993, a former Jordanian intelligence official told me, when al-Zarqawi dispatched one of their men to a local cinema with orders to blow it up because it was showing pornographic films. But the hapless would-be bomber apparently got so distracted by what was happening on the screen that he forgot about his bomb. It exploded and blew off his legs.

[Hat tip: Bryan Alexander.]

NEXT: Predictably Lame

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  1. He went to a porn theatre and had an unexpected explosion between his legs? That joke writes itself.

  2. Once again demonstrating the power of porn, both as market creator, early technology adaptor, and terrorist confounder. And what the internet is for.

    We should beam hardcore pornography at The Terrorists 24-7, and victory shall soon be ours.

  3. I’m surprised he didn’t go blind too.

  4. If smacky would come on board, we could get this thread cookin’!

  5. Is that a bomb in your pants, or are you just waging jihad against the infidel dogs?

  6. Would that be a blew job?

  7. Ah porn, is there anything it can’t do?

  8. Mama told me not to come. She said, that ain’t no way to have fun, son.

  9. OMG, you guys, I’m trying to read this at my office, and I do not want to have to explain this to my colleagues.

    Can you imagine if this buffoon had succeeded? Trying to explain to the family that little Hamid got himself blown up at a porn palace…

  10. The package in his pants was a huge clock.

  11. A huge cock?

    That was a thread-stopper.

  12. You know, there was a porn connection to 9/11, too. I think I’m seeing a pattern. Pity I don’t work for the CIA, because. . . .

    I have a cunning plan. Buy all of those incredibly hot Russian brides, train them in the Bene Gesserit way–I mean, as CIA agents–and use them to hunt down every Islamic terrorist on earth. Give ’em about six months, and we’ll have a peaceful, modern, and entirely liberalized Middle East.

    I’m surprised Bill Clinton didn’t think of this one–it’s right down his alley.

  13. Hell, how do you know that’s not what Monica was doing in his office?

    “It wuz jus’ some quality control, Hillary, honest!”

  14. . . .Forcing Clinton to take the fall, to protect the program from Hillary, a known terrorist spy. Unfortunately, the GOP-dominated Congress, not given access to the program due to national security concerns, ended up inadvertently derailing it. Which, of course, meant that instead of world peace, we got 9/11.

    Is this how conspiracy theories get started?

  15. Now that is “hoist on his own petard.”

  16. A friend, who follows such matters, told me of a pair of Palestinian bombers who were a hour off on the actual time a bomb they were carrying was set to go off. They didn’t make it to their destination.

    Told me another of a suicide bomber whose bomb trigger malfunctioned. He fainted when he pressed the button and when he woke up in an Israeli hospital, at first thought he had gone to heaven.

  17. Would have liked to have been a fly on the wall when the Israeli nurse explained to him that no, she was not one of his 72 virgins, and that there were some gentlemen outside the door who wanted to have a word with him…

  18. Great. Then all we’ve got to deal with is … the Bene Gesserit. After they’ve been trained and gotten practical experience.

    And I thought Al Qaeda was a bummer.

  19. Oops, that was meant to be from ME to Pro Liberate. Damn these comments functions, anyway.

  20. Well, it’s a question of what blew first. His legs, or his load?

  21. What porn films play in Zarga?

  22. What porn films play in Zarga?

    “Deep Goat”

    Thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, and Death to America!

  23. OBL,
    You must see
    Zardoz?(1974)
    It is a cut above.

    Surely you have seen it already.

    Regards,

    Sir Sean Connery

    P.S. Shut your yapper.

  24. We won’t be able to get much further here without smacky.

  25. Uncle Sam, the clowns who blew themselves up by being an hour off are Darwin Award winners. The reason they died is that they refused to set their clocks to “Zionist time” (IE, daylight savings time.) Unfortunately for the winners, the perps who built the bombs and set the timers were on daylight time, and didn’t realize that the perps who were going to deliver the bombs weren’t.

    Didn’t they ever watch any old movies? The first thing any commandos do before they start a mission in synchronize their watches!

    -jcr

  26. Almost too good to be true for satirical purposes.

    So can I now say that anti-pornography crusaders are objectively pro-failing-to-distract-terrorists?

  27. “But outside of that, how did you like the movie?”

  28. I’ll take Anal Bum Cover for a thoushand, Alexsh.

    I’ll take The Rapistsh for Two Hundred.

    God, I love those sketches.

  29. So, instead of searching subway passengers’ bags, should NYC just start showing porn just outside of subway stations?

  30. CT – Then *no* one would get to work on time.

    Behold the power of Porn.

  31. Considering the World Cup and all, I should probab;y point out that the IRA had many of it’s members (er, um, ah…) blown up while working on their own bombs. These were later referred to an “own goal” bombs.

    No word on whether porn played a part, but I like to think so…

  32. OK, we need a modern Berlin AirLift.
    Call it the Gina Lynn BlowJob.

    We make 100,000,000 copies of some porn DVD, and drop ’em from planes using little brassier-shaped parachutes.

    Oh, and make sure there is no DRM on them, so they can be pirated at will.

    I predict great things from this idea!

  33. Oh, just to be clear this should be done over all islamic countries.

    And maybe Kansas as well.

  34. joe,

    And don’t forget the “Penis Mightier” and “I’ll take Swords for $1,000”–“That’s ‘S’ Words”). Every time I see the old saying, “The pen is mightier than the sword”, I think of the SNL skit.

  35. Porn for peace!

  36. I remember reading a Saudi newspaper sometime in 2004, that claimed that the Isrealis were going to beam 24 hour porn into Saudi tv stations.

    I remember not believing the story but thinking it would be really cool.

    I guess the Israelis have known for a while about the power of porn.

  37. Where would we be without porn?

  38. It’s like open mike night in here. Hilarious. I’m sure there’s a joke in here somewhere about the uses of Hummers (Hummvees) vs. ahem, “hummers”, in the war on terror. Anyone? By the way, try the veal.

  39. It isn’t porn, it’s p0rn. Get it right.

  40. OBL:

    “Deep Goat”

    LOL. Or maybe “Sheepdip.” (Which, believe it or not, happens to be the name of a pretty fine single malt I once tried.)

  41. “We make 100,000,000 copies of some porn DVD, and drop ’em from planes using little brassier-shaped parachutes.”

    Ah, great minds think alike. Airdrop thousands of “Aisha Does Haditha” DVD’s and wait for the ants to come out of the mound. Watching the “guardians of virtue,” frantically trying to scoop them all up until they collapse from exhaustion, will provide hours of amusement for the whole family!

  42. Remember that these brainiacs want to live in the 7th century and cover every last inch of a woman’s body with burkas, so the pr0n they were showing probably was as lame as a beach film from the 60’s – like this:

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057887/

  43. “Aisha Does Haditha”…LOL…I think I just woke up all the neighbors.

  44. We have a nude beach in Sydney Harbour, called Lady Jane. It’s a bit of a clamber to get to, straights on one side, gays on the other. Look up at the retaining wall one has to climb down to access the beach and what do you see? Like a murder of crows, all these black burkhas, and men of M.E.A, having a perv!!!!

  45. Allen Khodabash’s joke is pretty lame, since he’s one of the biggest pornographers on the internet.

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