All Guinness Will Now Be Served in Sippy Cups

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The list of things banned in Scottish pubs will soon include glass. As in, the brittle material used in the production of drinking vessels. Legislators complain that Scots are too prone to smash glasses into each other's faces, so pub owners may soon be pouring whiskey into plastic. What the hell is wrong with the land of Haggis and tartan? The Economist pondered that question a few weeks back:

Self-government has not merely brought an 18 percent increase in employment in the Scottish Executive's main departments and a 40 percent increase in jobs in quangos, it has also brought a flurry of new regulations. Tourists who struggle all the way to Orkney in the far north to visit Maeshowe, a remarkable neolithic tomb, may, for instance, find it closed by Historic Scotland because of "high winds," even in August. The production of red tape—the issuance of statutory instruments provides a good proxy—far outpaces that of Harris tweed.

A face surgeon hails the glass ban as "a major step forward" in public health here.

Sippy cups under fire here.

NEXT: New Rose Beauty (Actually About Europe and Those Muhammad 'Toons)

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  1. I’m planning to visit Scotland next month (and compete in caber tossing this month) and you’re ruining it for me already. How can the people who invented the claymore succumb so easily to such measures?

    BTW, I’m prety sure Guiness is an Irish drink.

  2. Is this in response to that scene in Transpotting where the hooligan jams a glass, open-end first, into the skull of a bar patron? Or perhaps the glass-to-face phenomenon in Scotland is due to folks imitating the film.

    (There’s your slippery slope leading to Scotland’s banning of violence in films)

  3. The Glasgow licensing board is proposing the ban not the Scottish Assembly. This would only apply in Glasgow. Which happens to be Europe’s murder capital.

    Very sloppy writing Kerry. This is not a nationwide legislation but a licensing board decison. Also, Guinness is not a Scottish Drink. There are many local Scottish Ales and of course whisky.

  4. I’m just a simple caveman, but isn’t there a pretty serious taste difference between drinking out of a glass or a plastic vessel? I would assume some single malt wank must have written a whole book by now about how the taste of Laphroaig is ruined if you don’t drink it out of exactly the right handblown tumbler or something.

  5. You have a bunch of extremely well-paid legislators sitting around in their 400M pound building…. they don’t have any real power, but they have to do something…. hence, this.

  6. You insult me beloved Scotsmen?
    I’ll KILL YA!

  7. …the taste of Laphroaig is ruined if you don’t drink it out of exactly the right handblown tumbler or something.

    Presumably with exactly the right proportion of lead.

  8. Kerry omitted the best lines from the article:

    “If there is one thing we know about weapons it is that availability is everything,” he said. “For example, if guns are available then people use them – the same applies to glass.”

  9. I’m not a scotch commonsewer, but I can certainly say that beer is not as good from plastic. There are some good plastics out there, but they’re not really ready for beer.

    And Mackeson XXX Triple Stout is a more appropriate Scottish stout.

  10. I blame the friggin’ English.

    You may take our glasses, but you’ll never take our freeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddddooooooooooommmmmmmm!!!!

  11. Ah yes, but no true Scotsman would push plastic into his mate’s face.

  12. Ah, fuck, if I ever, ever, EVER was forced to drink SKULLSPLITTER out of a plastic cup, because of fears of, um, Skull-Splitting via glass mugs, well, I think I might just have a stroke from the sickening irony.

  13. “I blame the friggin’ English.”

    I hate being Scottish. We’re the lowest of the fucking low, the scum of the earth, the most wretched, servile, miserable, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the English, but I don’t. They’re just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. We can’t even pick a decent culture to be colonized by. We are ruled by effete arseholes. It’s a shite state of affairs and all the fresh air in the world will not make any fucking difference.
    Renton

  14. SR:

    Goddamned right. I have a 35 remington at home. And, well, I have no choice but to start shooting motherfuckers every time I see it.

  15. I have a 35 remington at home.

    Pump or lever?

  16. Oh like this is anything new. A recent archeological study shows that for 800 years, between 4000 and 3200 BC, early neolithic Britons were fracturing each others’ skulls at a rate of 20%. A full 1 in every 50 died specifically from blunt force trauma to the head.

    Why, after 6,000 years of tradition, have the head-bashing Scots have finally decided to put a stop to it?

  17. Brother and Sisters are natural born enemies … just like scots and scots! Damn scots, they ruined scotland!

  18. “Violence is concentrated in and around bars and reducing availability is likely to be very worthwhile.”

    This sentence could create a small, bureaucratic mistake that bans pubs instead of glass.

  19. Willy,

    On the other hand, they did come up with Traquair House Ale, Skullsplitter and McEwans. They even make brews with seaweed, and with heather…all of which kick the ass of weak, limp-wristed, 4.5% ABV Guinness, all up and down the street. However, the fact that they want people to drink that liquid gold outta Solo cups is further testament to their ability to fuck up even the best thing they have going.

  20. Two points to Warren — one for the “no true Scotsman” joke, the other for reprinting my favorite quote from Trainspotting.

  21. My Highland blood boils over this wimpification of Scotland. I, a scion of Kenneth Alpin, shall land on the Hebrides, unfurl my banner, and stake my claim as the rightful King of Scotland!

    Sorry, sorry. I’m okay now.

    * * *

    Free Scotland!!!!!!

  22. When I visited Paris a couple of weeks ago, the gardens in front of the Louvre (and the museums enclosed in those gardens) were closed because of wind. However, this isn’t as surprising in the land of cheese-eating surrender-monkeys.

  23. If I had an empty pint glass in my hand I guess I would feel forced to smash it into someones gob! I blame the glass.

    What about bar stool attacks? Would they ban bar stools? It seems more logical to ban attacking people but I guess that is not working.

  24. My people need me! I shall return!

  25. Lunchstealer:

    Mackeson’s originated in Kent, which is about as far from Scotland as you can get and still be in Britain. It’s currently brewed by Interbrew.

    Good scottish brews? I’d lead with a Belhaven Wee Heavy.

    I was at a conference in Aberdeen a couple years ago, they started the plenary session with a 10-minute lecture on how to work the emergency exits. Land of the uber-nannies, it has become.

  26. Me only brotherrrrrr! I love ya!

    *smashes glass*

  27. McEwans

    The Scotch Ale…MMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

    Shit – after two of them, you can’t taste it anyway, who cares what you’re drinking it out of.

    Guinness is for girls.

  28. The Scottish left are all closet libertarians…just give them 10 years of sippy cups and they will come around.

    You hear me Iain M Banks!! I am outing you.

  29. I believe the Proclaimers have something to say RE The English:

    We fight – when they ask us
    We boast – then we cower
    We beg
    For a piece of
    Whats already ours

    Once I thought I could make God a bribe
    So I said I was in his lost tribe
    Getting handouts can be so frustrating
    Get in line son, there?s five million waiting

    I can?t understand why you let someone else rule your land
    You?re cap in hand.

  30. Lad, you’re making me angry. Scotland will rise, aye, she will. And she’ll make England bleed for her sins. Ach, we’ll place a Stewart* back on the throne–that’ll teach the bastards!

    *It’s not fuckin’ Stuart. That’s Frenchified crap.

  31. “It seems more logical to ban attacking people but I guess that is not working.”

    I was thinking along those lines too. Jamming a glass into someone’s face should be on par with stabbing someone in the face with a knife. I’m assuming that the problem is that broken pint glasses aren’t currently considered deadly weapons. If they were, the Scottish gubmint might consider more severe penalties for pint glass attacks.

    Anyone know a bit about Scottish law out there?

  32. Bartman, My bad. Thanks for the tip. You’re right, though, Belhaven’s good too.

  33. budgie, lad, here’s the entire Code of Scotland:

    The sword shall be the sole means used to settle all civil and criminal disputes.

    Oh, there’s is one court opinion that adds a corollary to our Code. Ye may substitute yon glass for a sword if no sword is handy. And, of course, our tradition acknowledges the right of any Scotsman to use an axe, if he’s feeling peckish.

  34. The Soviets drank “wodka” out of plastic jugs for over 70 years, and they never had any alcohol-related violence prob-

    oh. Never mind.

  35. That’s so fucked about Scotland. I actually make the voyage up to Orkney, and visited the Maeshowe, and it was one of the most memorable visits in my life! To think that it is closed for wind. It is a fucking tomb!

    The Scottish have been great scientists and writers. In my experience this recommends against theri self-governance – or should I say their governance of anyone – because scientists and writers tend to make shitty politicians who get big ideas and try to implement them. I choose to cite no evidence for this generalization.

  36. You hear me Iain M Banks!! I am outing you.

    The Culture is a libber’s paradise. Banksie, sadly, is a commie.

  37. My $5 thimbleful of Dewers was served that way on a recent Jet Blue flight. It was consumed so quickly I barely noticed the plastic cup. Have those Lilliputian airline bottles somehow gotten even smaller or am I now officially an alky?

  38. Identifying Guiness as a Scots drink is an insult to Irishmen everywhere. Let’s kick some butt. Where’s my glass!?

  39. Identifying Guiness as a Scots drink is an insult to Irishmen everywhere. Let’s kick some butt. Where’s my glass!?

  40. If you’re going to drink Scottish ale, don’t make any plans on getting up early the next day. I love the stuff but ouch it can really kick your ass.

  41. If you’re going to drink Scottish ale, don’t make any plans on getting up early the next day. I love the stuff but ouch it can really kick your ass.

    Can? Only the heartiest of alcoholics don’t black out after a night of McEwans

  42. Well thank God the Irish are still allowed to be drunk and violent!

  43. “If there is one thing we know about weapons it is that availability is everything,” he said. “For example, if guns are available then people use them – the same applies to glass.”

    And fists. Can’t have *them*.

  44. Well – we tried. We outlawed assualt, murder, rape, weapons, drugs, and anything else we could think of – the problem is it doesn’t seem to work.

    So – In an effort to prevent these types of interactions, we simply have to go to the source.

    From hence forth, no one will be allowed outside to interact with any other humans ever.

    There. That should fix everything.

  45. smacky,

    what museums are enclosed by the tuileries that closed because of wind?

  46. You hear me Iain M Banks!! I am outing you.

    The Culture is a libber’s paradise. Banksie, sadly, is a commie.

    true enough but then why again are all the enemies of culture so sympathetic?

    thus my outing him as a libertarian.

  47. When you say “closed by wind”, what are we talking about? Hurricanes? I didn’t know Scotland and France had those.

  48. taste of Laphroaig is ruined if you don’t drink it out of exactly the right handblown tumbler or something.
    That stuff should be drunk out of a sippy cup. One glass makes the whole damn room smell like a campfire.

  49. Begbie: NOBODY MOVE! Tha’ wee lassie got glassed and nae cunt leaves here ’til ay find oot what cunt ded et.

    [Answer, of course, is that Begbie himself is the cunt who did it.]

  50. Och, watch it, Sean, ya potato-eatin’ mick! Nae a cross word aboot Laphroaig or ul smack up head wit cask!

    Hmmm…time for some Arran malt. *sigh*

  51. A barley wine beer not for the faint of heart

    http://www.sierranevada.com/beers/bigfoot.html

  52. From time to time, some of you may have read my utterance (lament) regarding the U.S.:

    It’s over, we’re Europe, get over it.

    The only positive thing I can now say about all this is, Europe can still out Europe us.

    (or the U.K./Scotland/Ireland what have you)

  53. When glass pints are outlawed, only outlaws will have glass pints.

    blahblahblah.

  54. Is it just me, or does the title of this post sound a great deal like “all your base are belong to us?”

    If so, was it being purposefully clever?

    Discuss.

  55. I’m not concerned with the method of delivery, as long as the drug is delivered.

  56. I whole-heartedly endorse this law.

  57. Bitch-slapping is not the worst thing that you can do to a woman.

  58. Hi,
    Hello, how are u doing over there,i will like to know the difference between a mug and a plastic vessel,please it to my email,thank’s may god bless u as u do that in jesus name(AMEN).

    Yours sincerly
    adetula femi
    fimoade.

  59. Hi,
    Hello, how are u doing over there,i will like to know the difference between a mug and a plastic vessel,please it to my email,thank’s may god bless u as u do that in jesus name(AMEN).

    Yours sincerly
    adetula femi
    fimoade.

    Comment by: adetula femi at June 8, 2006 07:24 AM

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