Why Don't They Shove It Up Their Collective Ass?

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Reader Mark Lerner sends along the "funniest thing" he has seen in a long time. And it is funny, in crying-on-the-inside sort of way:

Senators to push for $100 gas rebate checks
Under proposal, every U.S. taxpayer would get one

Every American taxpayer would get a $100 rebate check to offset the pain of higher pump prices for gasoline, under an amendment Senate Republicans hope to bring to a vote Thursday.

Whole thing here.

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  1. I’ll take my money back whenever they offer it.

  2. CNN? I expect the the link to start off like http://www.theonio….

    You know what costs me much more than gas every year? Federal fucking income tax.

    This is funny. Reminds me of the time I got mugged, and they took all my money…and then I was broke and couldn’t afford food, so the mugger sent me a rebate check to help me out. What a good guy.

  3. Holy crap! I was joking just yesterday that once the Republicans finsh their investigation into the “high gas prices” we would all get a rebate check. I have to stop making jokes like this.

  4. Have we always been this stupid? Or does improved communications allow for the more efficient distribution of stupid?

  5. Or they could cut the federal gas tax.

  6. Evan,

    You know what costs me much more than gas every year? Federal fucking income tax.

    Actually its the payroll tax that has seen a dramatic rise since the 1980s. Of course that’s just another federal tax, but if we were to eliminate it, or at least cut it back, it would make more of an impact on your average taxpayer than a cut in the federal income tax generally would.

  7. What a great idea. It isn’t clear if the money is for every man, woman and child, per household, or just for supporters of the leader.

    While they are at it, why just $100? Why not $1000… $1,000,000?

  8. PS: I don’t buy James Kunstler’s Peak Oil distopia bit, but he does make a good point about the howling and gnashing of teeth we’ll hear when the average voter figures out that cheap gasoline isn’t coming back. This entitlement mentality will lead to all sorts of bad ideas from politicians.

    Sometime around October I bet Bush proposes nationalizing the oil industry.

  9. I’ll be especially amused if this passes because I don’t own a car.

  10. …teach a man to fish. Why don’t they just put a quarter of what rebates cost into getting alternative fuels off the ground, and ones that could happen tommorrow like ethanol or modified diesel engines that can run off of used vegetable oil (harping on hydrogen fuel cells places change ever so conveniently in the future). Rebates are just a back breaking temporary solution to a long term problem. Plus, it’s just an obviously stupid idea that doesn’t even answer half of the Americans’ concerns about oil.

  11. SR,

    Then we know what a good citizen you’ll be when you use that to fuel up the bus you take to work. Right??

  12. The reason they don’t shove it up their collective ass is because it takes a whole lot more to buy a congressman than $100 dollars… unfortunately, $100 dollars is apparently the going rate to buy a voter.

  13. Creating the infrastructure to send this dough will probably cost more than the relief it will bring. But, since the response from our representatives has been reduced to finger-pointing, this seems an appropriate futile gesture.

  14. Heh. And it’s Republicans who’ve proposed this insult to the intelligence of Americans.

    Remember this the next time you’re thinking about the “lesser of evils” in the voting booth.

    Ya got your Democrats, who strongly support the War on Drug Users, gay marriage bans and restrictions on political speech.

    And then you have your Republicans, who point with pride at Federal prescription drug coverage, pork-barrel spending pouring out of their ears, and stunningly stupid ideas such as this latest.

    If you’re really lucky, you have your Libertarians, who generally oppose all of the above positions, but believe that our national defense in an age of terrorists whose goals are to slaughter as many civilians as possible should consist of kind thoughts and flaccid post-attack cruise-missile diplomacy.

    No wonder I want to spend election day drunk anymore.

  15. But they have to do something. At least that’s what I hear around the office all day long. You know, because every time interferes in the market it has a good outcome.

    The frickin’ pandering drives me nuts. Don’t Republicans know they will never be able to pander on economic issues as well as Democrats? Economically (sp?) and politically it is a loser for Republicans

  16. I’ll take my money back whenever they offer it.

    Actually, it’s not your money. It’s the government’s money. You paid it to them in a big check.

    C’mon, people, this isn’t that difficult to understand.

  17. ones that could happen tommorrow like ethanol

    Isn’t that exact thing part of the price increases? The ethanol mandates along with the elimination of MBTE has added costs into process. As long as the demand remains high, those costs can be recovered easily.

    Alternative fuels are nice but they won’t be cheaper, especially if they aren’t as abundant and there are no differences in the supply/demand chains.

  18. Evan

    All the politicians need to do is look like they are doing something. If most people paid as much attention to federal income taxes as they do to what they pay at the pump, we would be in much better shape.

    Remember about 3 years ago when there was all the outrage over the cost of ATM fees? Articles were written, politicians were outraged and talking heads jumped on the bandwagon. A fee that is 100% voluntary got print because people were aware of it and saw the amount every time they got some money out of an ATM.

    That ATM fee controversy illustrates perfectly why I want (and why we will never have) either a federal sales tax or end employer tax withholding. If people actually see money coming out of their pocket, they want some accountability.

  19. Marge, Marge, Marge.

    The reason that they shouldn’t “take a quarter of that money” and devote it to your pet causes is that the gov’t has no legitimate role doing those things.

    The most efficient way to work out our energy challenges in the future is to get gov’t the hell out of the way, and let the market do what it does best – allocating resources, meeting needs and solving problems as it goes. Now with 90% less coercion!

  20. Evan

    All the politicians need to do is look like they are doing something. If most people paid as much attention to federal income taxes as they do to what they pay at the pump, we would be in much better shape.

    Remember about 3 years ago when there was all the outrage over the cost of ATM fees? Articles were written, politicians were outraged and talking heads jumped on the bandwagon. A fee that is 100% voluntary got print because people were aware of it and saw the amount every time they got some money out of an ATM.

    That ATM fee controversy illustrates perfectly why I want (and why we will never have) either a federal sales tax or end employer tax withholding. If people actually see money coming out of their pocket, they want some accountability.

  21. “All the politicians need to do is look like they are doing something.”

    No shit. This goes without saying. As if this was anything other than a cosmetic gesture. But thanks for the lesson anyway.

  22. Depending on the definition of “taxpayer,” I’m going to invest my $100 in solar powered submarines.

  23. Let’s see… $100 to forgive the anger and outrage of Americans over higher gas prices? $100 barely fills the tank for some of these SUV owners, and Congress thinks that it’s ENOUGH??

    By the way, nobody explains where this $100 will come from. Congress doesn’t just GIVE money to the populace, especially money that they’ve already SPENT. If it’s anything like the previous “giveaways”, it’s going to come out of our hypothetical tax refund next year.

    As the old phone joke used to go… somebody needs to get their ass kicked over this.

  24. What are the details in the fine print that will exclude me from getting this $100?

    I’ve never gotten one cent from the government in any of these giveaways. Yet somehow I still owe the government my full share of taxes every year. Plus I’ll also owe about $99 more (plus interest) for my share of this giveaway.

    I guess it’s just redistribution. And in this country, we often redistribute from the penniless, like me, to the rich (senior citizens).

  25. Everybody who SERIOUSLY wants “alternative energy” (for its own sake, I suppose- “Marge” is that you?) should be rooting for $150.- oil and $10.- gasoline. That is what will bring the alternatives to the market, not a lot of idiotic tinkering with industrial policy and politically motivated subsidies.

  26. Let’s see… $100 to forgive the anger and outrage of Americans over higher gas prices? $100 barely fills the tank for some of these SUV owners, and Congress thinks that it’s ENOUGH??

    SRSLY. I spent almost $50 the other day filling up my car, and it’s only a midsize sedan. I think cutting the gas tax completely out would be a better idea.

  27. Do I have to have car to get the money?

  28. Smacky, considering that the tax portion of a gallon of gasoline comes to an average of 50 cents per gallon, that sure seems attractive.

    When gas taxes are used to fund road construction and maintenance, I can see an argument for them. But when they’re used (as they are around here) to fund the utopians’ mass-transit crack dreams, it’s much harder to tolerate them.

  29. It cost me $30.01 last night to fill up my 1999 Honda Civic. I still get an average of about 32 mpg commuting, but damn. I’m with smacky, get rid of the gas tax if you want prices lower. Or give me back the $5,000 I paid in income & FICA taxes for 2005. That’d help a lot, dammit.

  30. P Brooks writes: “Everybody who SERIOUSLY wants “alternative energy” (for its own sake, I suppose- “Marge” is that you?) should be rooting for $150.- oil and $10.- gasoline. That is what will bring the alternatives to the market, not a lot of idiotic tinkering with industrial policy and politically motivated subsidies.”

    Magical thinking, Mr. Brooks. The alternatives aren’t ready for mass production and distribution. Raising oil to $150/barrel and gas to $10/gallon tomorrow won’t make alternatives magically appear on the market overnight.

    That takes time.

  31. The alternatives can’t compete on cost; there is no incentive to bring them to the point of mass production and distribution, because petroleum energy sources are still too cheap and easy. When the price of oil doubles (again), some of these other fuels will begin to make economic sense.

  32. This is precious. Check this out. Talk about two-faced.

    —“Since George Bush and Dick Cheney took over as president and vice president, gas prices have doubled!” charged Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.), standing at an Exxon station on Capitol Hill where regular unleaded hit $3.10. “They are too cozy with the oil industry.”

    She then hopped in a waiting Chrysler LHS (18 mpg) — even though her Senate office was only a block away.—

    And there’s plenty more of that.

  33. Since outrageous taxes cut smoking, which WE know is bad for everyone, I propose a $5 per gallon tax on gasoline, which WE also know is bad for you.

  34. Why don’t they just put a quarter of what rebates cost into getting alternative fuels off the ground.

    Why don’t you go ahead and send your check to the research organization of your choice and hope for that end. The rest of us will let the pricing mechanism get alternative fuels off the ground.

  35. Heh. And it’s Republicans who’ve proposed this insult to the intelligence of Americans.

    Remember this the next time you’re thinking about the “lesser of evils” in the voting booth.

    The truly sad thing is the high probability that this actually is the lesser of two evils when it comes to ‘dealing’ with the gas ‘crisis.’

  36. The alternatives aren’t ready for mass production and distribution.

    If that is the case then apparently the news that crude oil will be selling for $150 per barrel, and gasoline for $10 per gallon has not reached the right people. Either that or people who know a lot more than we do consider the scenario to be highly improbable. If you believe in rational expectations the relative prices of both are already discounted for all of the available information and all of the unknowns.

  37. When are they going to get around to investigating high copper prices. It’s about 3.30 a lb up from about .65 2 years ago. I’m sure that Bush & Cheney met with Phelps Dodge & Grupo Mexico to cause this.
    Next we will be invading Peru!!
    no blood for copper!!

  38. Yesterday, presciently, the closing line of the post about the Strategic Petroleum Reserve said we could expect distribution from the Strategic Free Pony Reserve when Bush’s poll numbers dropped below 30%. If this passes and the numbers don’t go up, I’d better find some hay and see about renting stable space.

  39. I think the government give free, unlimited gasoline to all Americans! Then we will have all the gasoline we need, and it won’t cost anyone a cent!

    What? Why is it so silly when people say it about gasoline, but not about health care?

  40. Holy crap! I was joking just yesterday that once the Republicans finsh their investigation into the “high gas prices” we would all get a rebate check. I have to stop making jokes like this.

    Tim, for starters, how about a joke eliminating the IRS?

  41. When are they going to get around to investigating high copper prices. It’s about 3.30 a lb up from about .65 2 years ago. I’m sure that Bush & Cheney met with Phelps Dodge & Grupo Mexico to cause this.

    Rumsfeld owns controlling interest in Chilean copper mines! CORRUPT!

  42. If the price went up, there must be collusion. Oh, and price gouging. Hopefully the copper pumps won’t go dry.

  43. Why Don’t They Shove It Up Their Collective Ass?

    I’m gonna ram it, ram it, ram it, ram it up your poop chute.

  44. Oh, Rex, that is just too well-stated. Thank you.

  45. Socialized gasoline? I’m for it.

    Road trip to Patagonia, baby!

  46. it cause of the gouging (the hi price of those gas and oils) as has be said by the peoples on the TV that we look at there no peek oils it a libral plot caused by the evil musical chemicals radio waves thay beem us with those supplys of those oils is completely infinite the hi price has done gots to be cause of gowging there be not no other explinashun that there words done be the truth no other truer words have been spoken to my peoples from the profits it is the end of discussion peeriod

  47. Free turkeys for Thanksgiving, too!

  48. A chicken in every pot!

    A turkey in every Senate office!

  49. Salma Hayek clones for everyone!

    Um, thought the concept could use some updating.

  50. No, no, not Salma Hayek — she embraced her role as a monobrow commie artist just a little too enthusiastically for my taste.

    Pen?lope Cruz, now…

  51. Wrong, Clean Hands. Ms. Hayek’s last name along with her amazing babe-a-liciousness and linguist-like overflow make her the pinnacle of libertarian lust.

  52. “You know what costs me much more than gas every year? Federal fucking income tax.”

    LoL! Very well put!

  53. Changing the entire energy infrastructure of the United States is a kinda big project. Why can’t the government fund a little alternative energy research now so the technology is a little more mature when oil prices do spike to $150 a barrel? Private enterprise is happy to wait until your house is on fire before it sells you a hose. It’s the government that pays for hydrants and firefighters.

  54. Will this rebate be in the form of an Exxon giftcard?

  55. Changing the entire energy infrastructure of the United States is a kinda big project. Why can’t the government fund a little alternative energy research now so the technology is a little more mature when oil prices do spike to $150 a barrel? Private enterprise is happy to wait until your house is on fire before it sells you a hose. It’s the government that pays for hydrants and firefighters.

    Because the government funding towards alternative energy will go to the guy who has no ability whatsoever to provide alternative energy, and so lobbies the government for handouts instead.

  56. Squirrels don’t fail me now……

    Most of my transportation is powered by electricity. I hope I don’t have to fork over my check to Con Edison 🙁

  57. 100 bucks. Dont insult my inteligence. Oh and drilling in ANWR? the tree huggers voice will fade in direct proportion to the price of oil.

  58. FUCK OIL!!!

    “Peak Oil” is a scam. If we had a free market in this country, gasoline use would end. We don’t need more oil, we need freedom.

    “Why can’t the government fund a little alternative energy research now so the technology is a little more mature when oil prices do spike to $150 a barrel?” says Bill.

    We don’t need the government to do ANY research. The research was done 100 years ago. Hemp would be the source of our fuel today if not for the Rockefeller Standard Oil interests along with the propaganda of Wm R. Hearst and Anslinger and the CONSPIRACY to prohibit industrial uses of the bilion dollar crop!

  59. The alternatives aren’t ready for mass production and distribution.

    Why does this have to be a prerequsiite?

    Let’s assume an automobile could run on gas OR one of two dozen types of alternate fuels, depending on the driver’s selection. Just because 95% of the drivers would choose to run on gasoline out of convenince/cost doesn’t mean the other 5% need some massive distribution network for their energy supplies. If people can get their fuel at the Shell station, then great. But if they have to get their fuel at a Radio Shack or the auto dealer, what’s the difference?

    http://www.reason.org/commentaries/kiesling_20030326b.shtml

  60. “Private enterprise is happy to wait until your house is on fire before it sells you a hose. It’s the government that pays for hydrants and firefighters.”

    Que? Last I checked there were plenty of privately owned insurance companies.

  61. “I think the government give free, unlimited gasoline to all Americans! Then we will have all the gasoline we need, and it won’t cost anyone a cent!”

    Let’s not give anybody any bright ideas…

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