Super Bowl

Superbowl Wrap


The officiating was a scandal. I had a non-passionate preference for Pittsburgh, but they only took the lead thanks to two shady calls in the first half: the offensive-pass-interference review that nullified Darrell Jackson's touchdown in the first quarter; and the very fishy TD given to the Steelers in the second quarter. Only under the dictatorship of relativism could anybody claim Roethlisberger was over the line, and the more they reviewed the play the more clear that was. Without those two calls, the fourth-quarter score would have been 14-14 and we'd still be watching the overtime. They'll be arguing this for centuries, but what the hell: If all the old Yehudis in Miami had had their chads properly interpreted President Gore would have prevented the 9/11 attacks and I'd be smoking the medical pot I got from my universal health care package blah blah blah…

The commercials sucked. The FedEx spot with the cavemen had some well timed sight gags, but haven't these people heard about Intelligent Design? Bring back the bankruptcy-bound dotcoms blowing their entire budgets on too-cool-for-school 30-second spots. I knew the age of irony was over when that Gillette 5-blade ad turned out not to be a joke. (Not that I'm dismissing it! I scoffed at the Mach 3 for years, but that thing gets my kisser as smooth as a baby's ass.)

Censorship Roundup: Don't talk about come, don't talk about cock, and above all don't talk about coming with your cock. Those not-ready-for-primetime words were sent down the NFL's memory hole during the Strolling Bones' impressive halftime show. I heard rumors that Mick flipped the crowd the bird during one song, but I didn't see it. Maybe they can review that a couple hundred times. In any event, on the West Coast the game was immediately followed by a show called Grey's Anatomy, which opened with a lesbo fantasy scene that will keep Brent Bozell forging letters for another year at least.