The following story, sent to me by an anonymous tipster at the notoriously urine-free offices at Bloomberg News, is just one more indication that the United States is truly an open-air prison Port-a-John.
Urine drinker booted from job as crossing guard
Drinking your own urine? Orland Park police have no problem with that.
But drink it in a front-page newspaper article while wearing your crossing guard uniform complete with official police insignia, and there will be problems.
Ed Danis, the 84-year-old Orland Park "urine therapy" devotee featured in a Jan. 29 Southtown story, has been suspended from his job as a crossing guard, effective Wednesday.
Orland Park Police Chief Tim McCarthy, whose department oversees the part-time guards, said Danis had been warned in writing twice before that he was not allowed to espouse his beliefs while on duty or in his uniform.
"It has nothing to do with urine therapy," McCarthy said. "People cannot go around in Orland Park police uniforms speaking out on any issues."…
Oh come on, now, Chief McCarthy (bonus points for being an Irish cop): You're expecting us to believe that you would can a crossing guard who was, say, telling kids not to smoke? Whole thing here.
Of course, the real question for the Hit & Run crowd is what the dearly departed former Reason staffer Matt ("We Hardly Knew Ye") Welch thinks about this imbroglio. His first piece as a mainstream media sellout at the LA Times was a confession about "fold[ing] like a cheap tent" in the face of a workplace drug test.
When the Times makes "urine therapy" a condition of employment, Matt, what side of the barricades will you be on?