Paging Joycelyn Elders

|

Reader Mark Lambert sends word of an Iowa bill to restrict "the exhibition or dissemination of certain sexual devices to minors," with the devices defined as "any three-dimensional item designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs." In other words, the legislators want to keep the kids safe from dildos—aside, that is, from the dildos currently serving in the Iowa General Assembly. Comments Lambert: "By Gosh, we want our teenagers masturbating BY HAND, not by some newfangled device!"

NEXT: Twinkle, Twinkle, Killer Kaine

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. Am I the only one giggling over their use of the word “dissemination”?

  2. Yup. I’m laughing out loud. Good catch!

  3. Am I the only one giggling over their use of the word “dissemination”?

    You’ve just coined a new verb! I appreciate the truthiness of your observation …

  4. “You’ve just coined a new verb!”

    What new verb?

  5. I just hope that the bill is not underinclusive- Jergins lotion and detachable shower heads have been overly available to minors for years. I am glad that the government is finally taking a stand.

  6. Oh, there’s nothing halfway,
    About the Iowa way to treat you,
    When we treat you,
    Which we may not do at all!
    There’s an Iowa kind,
    A kind-a chip-on-the-shoulder attitude,
    We’ve never been without that we recall!

  7. I am having a hard time understandng what a 1,2, or 4 dimensional item would be. Therefore, the detachable shower head counts.

    I have always believed that it is my soap and my penis and I can wash it as fast as I want. Are they going to ban soap in Iowa? Would anyone notice?

  8. This bill prohibits any person, other than a parent or guardian, from … disseminating, i.e., giving or selling, to a minor certain sexual devices designed for sexual stimulation…Also, a person who violates Code section 728.2 for displaying a sexual device to a minor commits a criminal offense against a minor and must register as a sex offender.

    Do we need to show ID for ribbed condoms now?

  9. I guess they want to go back to the good old days when horny boys thought they were too good for masturbation and would spend the whole night hectoring some woman to fuck them as a public service so they wouldn’t have blue balls.

    Or do they still do that? The guys in my generation seem to have outgrown that.

  10. Do gerbils count?

  11. Dildos are for old women; young girls should be getting plenty of the real article. Maybe they should be calling this the “Penis Employment Act.”

    By God, I’m moving to Iowa!

  12. So, we’ll see alot of new postings to the state’s sex offender website just because some parents don;t want to have to answer thier 4 year old’s “What’s that?” query.

    Wonder if parents can have children removed from their home by the state for not keeping mommy’s strap-on under lock and key? Wouldn;t that make them sex offenders too?

  13. I’m sure glad that the Iowa legislature has apparently fixed ever single real problem in that state, so that they have time to think about dildo-wielding teenagers.

  14. Talk about “Man bites dog.”

    “Iowa outlaws corncobs.”

  15. Chalk up another reason for me to hate the Christards and their collective anti-sex neurosis.

    Fuck them all up the ass with a dildo wrapped with razor wire!

  16. There should be an extra penalty if the 3D device employs any kind of body harness, strap, belt, or conspicuous grip.

  17. “Wonder if parents can have children removed from their home by the state for not keeping mommy’s strap-on under lock and key? Wouldn;t that make them sex offenders too?”

    The bill has an exemption for parents or guardians. Thus, it gives parents the sole legal prerogative of deciding when and whether their minor children will be exposed (so to speak) to these devices. Iowa’s law already has similar provisions for obscene material.

    Will the bill, if it becomes law, be universally enforced? Of course not, but it will give parents an extra legal tool (wait for snickering at the word “tool” to subside) with which to reinforce their authority over their own children. It might encourage some people to be slightly more careful about what unsupervised kids get to see.

    It’s not a question of which parenting decisions are best. Some parents may want to shield their children as much as possible; others may want to have long and graphic talks with their kids about the birds and the bees (“and when Mommy needs some stimulation, she puts this device . . .” “OK, Mom, I get it!”).

    The point is that *parents* should be making these decisions, and should have recourse against those who try to deprive them of this decision-making power.

    Most attacks on parental authority are “objectively anti-libertarian,” because the family is one of those “little platoons” aka “intermediary institutions” interposing themselves between the individual and the awesome power of the State. In a battle between the state and an isolated individual, guess who wins? The state. In a battle between the state and an individual who’s supported by a family, a private school, a mutual-aid society, etc., the individual at least has better odds.

    “Liberating” kids from the authority of their family tends to leave them ripe for the plucking by the state.

  18. chriso, I know I’ve always got time to think about dildo-wielding teenagers. well, female ones, anyway.

  19. bigbigslacker:

    can my punishment be to be spanked by the teen to whom I exhibited the device?

    Akira: right on, dude

  20. Auf der Liste der [url=http://www.freeruninse.com/] Nike Free [/url] Recht dieser Zeit wird der Nike Kostenfreie Hyper TR sein. Das Casino Schuh in Frage ist eigentlich, dass moderne, wie sie kommen, und wird derzeit compenent der Serie “Free” Nike einfach, wirklich, einige bieten. Wir haben dieses kleine spezifische Bewertung zu diesem besonderen Bootl?nge ?berpr?fen. In diesem Artikel k?nnen die Zuschauer erfahren, was dieses Casino Schuh so gro?artig macht. Das ist die gro?e Startlinie einige Leute wollen in diesem Casino Schuh mit Notwendigkeit zu bekommen, viel mehr wissen.
    Als ich zum ersten Mal, dass [url=http://www.freeruninse.com/] Nike Free Run [/url] mit dem Training beginnen, waren meine ersten Gedanken, dass diese Schuhe sehen ziemlich Ausweg und attraktiv. Seine allgemeine Konzeption, Design und mehr Farbwahl sehr gehobenen Klasse. Sie schienen wirklich gut mit einem beliebigen Computer mit dem Gewinde; Ich erkl?re, dass ich sehr zufrieden zu sein.

  21. Sulla lista dei [url = http: //www.freeruninse.com/] Nike Free [/ url] destra questa volta sar? la Nike Free Hyper TR. La scarpa casin? in questione ? in realt? che la moderna come vengono, ed ? attualmente la serie “Free” Nike compenent semplice, davvero offrire alcuni. Abbiamo controllato questo piccolo commento specifiche su questo particolare lunghezza della barca. In questo articolo, il pubblico pu? sperimentare ci? che rende questa scarpa casino cos? grande. Questa ? la grande linea di partenza alcune persone vogliono entrare in questo bisogno di scarpe casino di sapere molto di pi?.
    Quando ho sentito che Nike Free Run [/ url] avviare [url = http //www.freeruninse.com/] con la formazione, sono stati i miei primi pensieri che queste scarpe sembrano piuttosto resort e attraente. La sua concezione generale, design e una scelta pi? ampia di colore molto elegante. Sembravano davvero buona con qualsiasi computer con il filo; Dichiaro che devo essere molto soddisfatti.

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.