Turkey Baster Bob Strikes Again—No In Vitro For Single Women

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Proposed legislation that would have made it illegal for doctors to offer artificial insemination or in vitro fertilization to single women failed to make it out of committee in the Virginia House of Delegates.

Virginia Pilot columnist Bronwyn Lance Chester has a delightfully acid take on "Turkey Baster Bob's" continuing attempts to interfere with his fellow Virginians' reproductive decisions:

Until this week, I had no idea that single women who desperately want children and go to clinics for help were such a menace to the commonwealth.

But I'm getting more REM sleep now that I know Del. Robert Marshall, Republican from Manassas, is on the case.

As lawmakers return to Richmond this week, a firehose of questionable legislation has spewed into the General Assembly. One of the wettest bills is Marshallis.

Turkey Baster Bob wants to forbid medical professionals, like those at EVMS' Jones Institute, from performing artificial insemination or in-vitro fertilization on unmarried women.

Marshall, you may remember, boasts an unsurpassed zeal for government meddling in private lives.

His invocations of "family values" make Pat Robertson look like a wuss. He's set in his sights colleges that distribute morning-after pills, and crusaded to keep newscaster Hugh Finn on life support over his wife's objections.

So it's no great surprise that he's determined to keep Virginians safe from the scourge of single mothers.

Marshall could be dismissed as a clown except that he managed to get the Virginia House of Delegates to pass a bill in 2004 that would have banned college physicians from prescribing emergency contraception to students. He proposed such legislation because he claimed that emergency contraception turned women students into "chemical love canals for frat-house playboys." Fortunately, cooler heads in the Virginia Senate nixed the bill.

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  1. Marshall’s ECP bill was even more ludicrous in that student fees, not tax dollars, support student health clinics. This guy makes big government liberals look like Barry Goldwater…

  2. As plastic turkey basters are cheap at places like Dollar Tree, we should send him hundreds of them.
    Of course, we’ll have to fill them first…

  3. Meanwhile, the state tourism motto remains “Virginia is for Lovers.”

  4. It could be argued that denying fertilization is morally equivilent with preventing fertilization. In which case this guy loses some pro-life cred.

  5. It could be argued that denying fertilization is morally equivilent with preventing fertilization. In which case this guy loses some pro-life cred.

    I thought that the moral objection to in vitro fert. was something about destroying the unused fertilized eggs or something like that (obviously I am no expert) but I remember hearing that being against in vitro fertilization is definately a “pro-life” position

  6. he claimed that emergency contraception turned women students into “chemical love canals for frat-house playboys.”

    He says that like its a bad thing.

  7. I thought that the moral objection to in vitro fert. was something about destroying the unused fertilized eggs or something like that (obviously I am no expert) but I remember hearing that being against in vitro fertilization is definately a “pro-life” position

    In my experience, most of the objections about IVF revolve around how “unnatural” it is to conceive using any method other than intercourse.

    Anyway, as surmised in two of the linked articles, a lot of the nonsense surrounding this bill is actually meant to prevent homosexual women (and I would assume gay men, via a surrogate) from having children of their own. It seems that Marshall and his cronies (with the exception of Wilcox, who was quite open about his anti-gay paranoia) don’t have the guts reveal their real reasons for this bill and have to wrap it all “family values” rhetoric.

    Gee, maybe Americans don’t hate gays and lesbians as much as many Republicans had hoped.

  8. …he claimed that emergency contraception turned women students into “chemical love canals for frat-house playboys.”

    Hmmmmm…. Seeing that it’s very difficult for a politician to get into the office without a seemingly doting wife and kids to parade in front of the cameras, it a fair bet that Marshall has brats of his own. Assuming he parents the same way he legislates (i.e. creating a climate of sexual repression), I’m sure his kids are either going to end up uptight prudes who will never enjoy intercourse, or will be promiscuous horndogs behind their daddy’s back.

    Plaaace yer bets!

  9. This is totally OT — or is it?

    Anyway, this my Friday fun link:

    Court Upholds Obscene Yogurt Conviction.

    Don’t worry, it’s happening in South Korea, not the U.S. But to me, the Asian aspect makes it even naughtier.

  10. Meanwhile, the state tourism motto remains “Virginia is for Lovers.”

    Ah, Jennifer, you’ve missed his keen fundylogic. By preventing cold, heartless turkey basters from becoming fathers, he’s all about the love, man.

    Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with Manassas? Just a couple of weeks ago they were trying to ban people from having their cousins stay with them in a household, all in an effort to prevent a bunch of brown people from sharing rooms to save on rent. Was there some secret civil-war chemical weapon deployed there that’s causing developmental difficulties?

  11. Did he mention Dr. Cecil Jacobson, aka The Sperminator?

  12. “I’m sure his kids are either going to end up uptight prudes who will never enjoy intercourse, or will be promiscuous horndogs behind their daddy’s back.”

    My bet is on the horndog outcome.

    You gotta admit this is a very funny line:
    “chemical love canals for frat-house playboys.”

  13. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with Manassas?

    Well, there be a whole bunch of brown skinned funny talkin people done moved up here of late….

    Seriously, though, back to the guy in the article. One of the things that people don’t understand is that Lynchburg is the home of the Falwall crowd, and he’s still got a lot of sway down there. VA has (until recent supreme court intervention) a sodomy law which is used in a shotgun fashion against any particular person, not accounting for hetero or homo orientation. I remember when I lived in Charlottesville, every year you’d see in the paper at least three or four young college students (I only recall female, btw) getting arrested for oral endeavours in various situations. One of those situations where it was definitely better to receive than give.

    I was going to sell T shirts, actually, with a penis and handcuffs and saying “I got blown in VA” at one point, as bad as it got. Figured they might sell.

    They just prosecuted, no shit, a guy who was a local attorney for adultery. “Just” as in within the past couple years. Seems he went back to his wife and the mistress took offense and lodged a formal complaint. They’re one of the best in the US on guns, but have a long way to go in regards to individual sexual freedom.

  14. Yes, when I think of playboys (debonair, sophisticated, seductive, carismatic) I think frat-boys.
    Hey, Alpha Phi, I hope you know how to get schnaaps-vomit out of that silk smoking jacket.

  15. So Robert Marshall thinks that single women shouldn’t be allowed to get pregnant, unless they don’t want to anyways, in which case they need to be forced to carry to term?

  16. So Robert Marshall thinks that single women shouldn’t be allowed to get pregnant, unless they don’t want to anyways, in which case they need to be forced to carry to term?

    Law of unintended consequences time! If IVF is made illegal will unmarried mothers who want to get pregnant reley on “one-night-stands” to get knocked up?

  17. Yes Akira, but they have to promise not to enjoy it.

  18. I knew it. No one reads my posts!

    Chalk one up for Virginia!
    http://home.hamptonroads.com/stories/story.cfm?story=97994&ran=82523

    Comment by: linguist at January 13, 2006 02:48 PM

    But at least I’m not the only one being ignored:

    Linguist:

    Yeah I was surprised that Virginia’s odious anti-IVF law didn’t make Hit & Run on it’s own. On the local news affiliate, I saw the Republican pile-of-shit who dreampt it up this bill tell a female reporter how “children have the right to know their fathers” and that overruled the “selfish” desires of unnmarried women (or, to be honest, lesbians) to reproduce on their own.

    Comment by: Akira MacKenzie at January 15, 2006 01:13 AM

    Well, better late than never, I guess. I know you guys have other things to do.

    /good-natured ribbing

  19. Stevo,

    I’d have to agree with the court in the yogurt case. Not because of the nudity, but because using spray-yogurt to wash of a coating of flour…now that’s just gross! 🙂

  20. So Robert Marshall thinks that single women shouldn’t be allowed to get pregnant, unless they don’t want to anyways, in which case they need to be forced to carry to term?

    Um…yeah.

    Hurts the brain, doesn’t it?

  21. Linguist: I do too read your posts, just not all of them–my editor insists that I report and write things from time to time and that gets in the way of my blog reading. Keep those trenchant comments coming! All the best, Ron

  22. Linguist, I read your posts too. I just never remember them. It was all the drugs in the 60s. Funny I don’t remember taking them either. What a waste.

  23. At least we know TBB’s theme song.

  24. I’d have to agree with the court in the yogurt case. Not because of the nudity, but because using spray-yogurt to wash of a coating of flour…now that’s just gross! 🙂

    No it’s not! It’s a very beautiful and natural thing that happens when a man and a nude, flour-covered woman love each other very much, or appear on a game show …

    What I want to know is, is some kind of special spraying device needed for spraying yogurt, and where can I get one?

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