The Boy (and Girl) in the Bubble

Think you've heard the worst of less-than-zero-tolerance policies in public schools? Welcome to Culver City, California—mere walking distance from the Reason Foundation's worldwide HQ—where the students are no longer allowed to touch each other.

Most infractions of the policy result in a warning; but more serious behavior, such as fighting or kissing, could result in calls home or even suspension.

Did they just call kissing a "serious" offense, worthy of suspension? Oh yes they did. Check out crazed Assistant Principal Hiram Celis:

"When I'm out there and see something inappropriate, I'll let them know. I don't think parents know they have boyfriends and girlfriends," he said, adding that he believes holding hands could "lead to more intimate situations."

[Principal Jerry] Kosch agreed. "You let them hold hands, next thing they're on the grass" kissing, he said. When he sees two students holding hands, he said, he usually gives them a funny look or simply says, "no contact."

Next up: mandatory chastity rings, so these sheltered young things can at least learn some new positions.