Meanwhile, In News The Onion Missed

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Conservatives are pissed the Bush White House Christmas Cards say "Happy Holidays."

I'll let that sink in. And now, we continue:

"This clearly demonstrates that the Bush administration has suffered a loss of will and that they have capitulated to the worst elements in our culture," said William Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights.

Bush "claims to be a born-again, evangelical Christian. But he sure doesn't act like one," said Joseph Farah, editor of the conservative Web site WorldNetDaily.com. "I threw out my White House card as soon as I got it."

Yesterday Bush lit a goddamn menorah too! The National Christmas Tree might as well light up and spell "Screw Christ—Worship Baal."

NEXT: Quis Ipsos Custodiet Semper Ubi Sub Ubi Dubi

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  1. Those religionists are good for exactly one thing: making me laugh.

  2. Isn’t it sweet that we get to have this argument every year? Here’s to a new seasonal tradition that will be handed down through the ages….

  3. Do we now get to sacrifice our leader Bush on December 21st so the sun will come back and the crops will grow?

  4. Will they put up a Festivus pole?

  5. Jeff–is the instruction to “Screw Christ – Worship Baal” one passive, one active instruction or two active instructions?

    (i’m going to hell)

  6. “This clearly demonstrates that the Bush administration has suffered a loss of will and that they have capitulated to the worst elements in our culture,” said William Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights.

    So lets get this straight, people who say “Happy holidays!” are the worst elements of our culture?

  7. Daniel:

    see you there! 🙂

    thoreau: naughty. HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE SCIENCE OF THE VIRGIN BIRTH (maybe it wasn’t – maybe Joe’s unit went off when it got banged or something, as they are wont to do)

    :evil moose

    ahem

  8. Pipe down, Farah! I didn’t even get a White House Christmas card. And if you were half the fundie you claim to be you’d know that Christmas itself is another pagan excrescence from the RCC.

  9. I think the Bushes should offer up some sacred hecatombs. I could go for some BBQ.

  10. Bill O’Reilly must be apoplectic.

  11. Io Saturnalia!

  12. See, unless you are actively opposed to non-Christians being happy during their holidays, you are anti-Christian.

    OK, fine, you can be neutral on whether of not the heathens should be happy on their holidays.

    But actively desiring them to be happy? Wishing them happiness? Now that’s just anti-Christian. You’re only supposed to want Christians to be happy on their holidays.

    I guess.

  13. I’m with fyodor. Watching the fundies get worked up over having their brand of pagan feast days not preferred over other brands of pagan feast days, has become a new holiday treat.

    Joyous Solstice Everyone
    Peace and Goodwill

  14. (maybe it wasn’t – maybe Joe’s unit went off when it got banged or something, as they are wont to do)

    VM, why aren’t you asking the questions that need to be asked, like what really happened to those children? Did Herod really kill them, or did they get heart disease from consuming too much palm oil? And why did everybody switch from olive oil to palm oil? I’m not saying there’s a conspiracy here, but that’s what discovery is for.

    🙂

  15. Like everything else on this planet, it is a black and white issue: you are either for Christmas or you are against it.

    We thought W was for, and now we are disappointed to learn he is against.

  16. yoooo da man!

    here’s a first class ticket to you on the PIGSKIN BUS!

    (and you can borrow my noam chomsky blow up doll, provided that you clean it off, of course)

  17. I don’t think it will be official until the New York Times proclaims Christmas is Dead!

    I wonder why Mr. Wildmon has chosen pc over sinister as the explanation for this? My card had 666 Pennsylvania Ave. as the return address.

  18. Seriously, though, I should probably chill out. Dave W. offers us some fun stuff, but I do respect him. If I make fun it’s because, well, he offers us fun stuff.

  19. Squeezin’s are the reason for the season… corn squeezin’s that is.

  20. Jeff–is the instruction to “Screw Christ – Worship Baal” one passive, one active instruction or two active instructions?

    (i’m going to hell)

    No worries, it’s not like you can go to more hell. Even in Dante’s vision, once you’re past the level for virtous pagans it’s pretty much a crap-shoot of flayed-by-demons and boiling lakes of blood.

  21. “Will they put up a Festivus pole?”

    They really should. After all, Farah and Donohue* are doing a bang-up job of airing their greivances.

    *Is there any one in this country named Donohue who isn’t an asshole who is as clueless as he is loud?

  22. Liberals tell us the man is single handedly dismantling the government because of his ideological commitment to small government. They also say that he is appointing zealots to the supreme court. I scratch my head and ask “How can anyone accuse this guy of shrinking government?”

    The Jesus coalition is now telling us that he is a sell out who is on board with the ACLU and their unholy attempt to remove all mention of Christ from public life. I scratch my head and ask “How can anyone accuse this guy of being too secular for America?”

    Truly, this man is hated by everyone, not only for things he has done, but for things he hasn’t. I don’t know if he is the worst president in history, but he may have the worst PR department in history.

  23. Seriously, though, I should probably chill out

    Don’t you dare. If you don’t keep twisting the knife, soon the wound might heal or stop hurting and what fun would that be?

  24. Will the Secret Service even permit the feats of strength?

  25. That’s not a Menorah, it’s a holiday lamp.

  26. thoreau,

    Your hypocrisy is quite amusing.

  27. I’ll make evil cupcakes for the occasion.

  28. Is there any one in this country named Donohue who isn’t an asshole who is as clueless as he is loud?

    I don’t know. Is Troy Donahue still alive?

  29. smacky,
    Do cupcakes and an evil xmurs petting zoo really go together?

  30. WHOAH! I had to do a double-take to make sure this wasn’t a joke!

    Like I’ve said in previous threads, the American Right has been on a long, slow slide into insanity over the last 13 years. I fear they will only get worse, especially if the Dems make gains in the next few major elections.

  31. This is kinda sad if you think about it, if only for the sole reason that you know Bush really wanted his cards to say “Merry Christmas”. It speaks to the state of politics in this country when you can undertake “faith-based initiatives” with a straight face, but you can’t tell your staffers friggin’ “Merry Christmas”.

    Hell, I’m a atheist and I tell people “Merry Christmas”.

  32. What’s so evil about your cupcakes, smacky–are they Devil’s Food cakes?

  33. Ruthless,

    They go together like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong

  34. Are all conservatives Christians all of a sudden?

  35. I guess the new holiday greeting should be something like, ‘If you don’t think like me, screw you, asshole.’

    It fits the times, anyway.

  36. Liberals tell us the man is single handedly dismantling the government because of his ideological commitment to small government.

    I don’t think anybody – even the most lefty these days – is telling that to anyone. They may be saying that he’s he’s dismantling social justice programs because of idealogical commitments to the rich.

    But I don’t think even the most ardent liberal is under the impression that Bush is for smaller government. Crackpot liberals with their heads up their asses maybe. But nobody with any traction.

  37. I fear they will only get worse, especially if the Dems make gains in the next few major elections.

    They seem to get crazier when they think people are on their side, not the other way around.

  38. thoreau,

    I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.

    If I were on grylliade right now, I could leave a twisted evil smiley.

    Besides, if I told you what makes them evil, how am I ever going to corner the market with my trademark Evil Cupcake entrepreneurship?

  39. To think I used to find the religious right scary.

    Is it me, or is this nugget just the cherry on the sundae regarding the Religious Right looking increasingly irrelevant?

    Talk about a group that’s made marginalizing others a high art form somehow managing to marginalize itself.

  40. madpad,

    Did you miss this post from Monday?

  41. Are the evil cupcakes located next to the forbidden donuts?

  42. According to Mr. Welch, that guy is a “highly regarded L.A. Times journalist”.

    Maybe he’s also a crackpot with his head up his ass though, who knows.

  43. They seem to get crazier when they think people are on their side, not the other way around.

    Amen. I just wish the “Christian government” folks would remember that virtually all the Christian martyrs created in the last 1500 years were killed by other Christians.

  44. Smacky, can you at least tell me whether the evil cupcakes involve sharks with laser beams on their foreheads?

    No? Well, what about sea bass? Ill-tempered sea bass, of course…

  45. Thoreau:

    STRAP ON laser beams?

    mercy.

    oh my.

  46. I could for a naughty bagel right about now.

    Or even a twisted soft pretzel.

  47. Man, even I think William Donohue is a loon. And apparently I was a Nazi or something.

  48. Smacky, what distinguishes an evil cupcake from a regular (and presumably good) one?

  49. I could GO for a …

  50. I just received a mailing the other day from a religious coalition trying to distance itself from the lunatic fundie fringe.

    I’m trying to remember where I read an article saying the real rift isn’t between secularists/atheists and religious people – it’s between mainstream churchgoers and the extreme groups. The average, normal person who goes to church hates being painted with the same brush as the foaming-at-the mouth variety.

    As a born-again atheist, I think these things are fun to watch.

  51. The average, normal person who goes to church hates being painted with the same brush as the foaming-at-the mouth variety.

    Aye, matey.

  52. pretzel rod?

    oh my. mercy.

    zucchini… noam chomsky…. panties. damn what a giveaway.

    Stevo!!!! NAUGHTY!

  53. A wise person once said (I can’t remember who the wise person was, but trust me, they were really, really wise,) that few people waste their time advertizing things that everyone already knows. You don’t have to promote the idea that breathing is good for you or that dogs have 4 legs. Everyone knows this already. This implies that you only advertize things others don’t already know, e.g., Cadillacs are “cool” cars for gen-X-ers (I had no idea!) or Glade plug-ins can make your house smell like a that meadow in The Sound of Music (making your house smell like things is good!). Thus, the whole point of an advertisement is to get you to change your mind about something, or to introduce to you something you’d never heard of before. Now, we’ve all heard of Christmas before, so the fact that Christians are constantly reminding us that “Jesus is the reason for the season” can only mean that no one actually believes it. It is for this reason that, although I’m an athiest, I have no problem wishing people a “Merry Christmas.”

  54. ” …so the fact that Christians are constantly reminding us that “Jesus is the reason for the season” can only mean that no one actually believes it.”

    Hey Mad Scientist that’s an interesting theory! But before I rush out to buy a Glade plug-in (HAW!) I have a different theory. I think these constant “reminders” by Christians about the reason for Christmas are less about educating or persuading other people, and more a way of tell you something about themselves. It’s not about you, silly! They just want you to know how passionate they are about being Christian.

  55. Doesn’t “Happy Holidays” have a pre-PC meaning; i.e., enjoy Christmas and that additional holiday, New Year’s Eve?

    I like Christmas, myself. I even own Christmas socks 🙂

  56. That seems pretty well thought-out, Mad Scientist. My rationale is just that saying it seems to make people feel good.

  57. You know, what I find really sad about this evil cupcake idea is that this is probably the most attention I’ve elicited on Hit and Run in weeks. If I talk about Plan B or religion in schools or public education or anything remotely intellectual no one wants to listen, but when I mention ‘evil cupcakes’ everybody’s *all ears*.

    hrmph. [/kicks pebble]

    No evil cupcakes for you!

  58. will they hand out plan b cupcakes at St. A’s* religion in school conference?

    (ducking)

    * random saint. any coincidence is purely… um… (shuffle).. um. coincidental…

  59. Baal? Baal? I’ve never been so insulted in my whole life!

    – Josh, Molech Presbyterian

  60. ‘ so the fact that Christians are constantly reminding us that “Jesus is the reason for the season” can only mean that no one actually believes it. ‘

    Um, obviously. Christmas is all about Santa, the Grinch, and ham. I don’t see why it’s a surprise for an honest fundamentalist to push the message of Jesus during Christmas.

  61. Do the cupcakes come with Plan B? Because if so I’ll take five dozen. If not, I’ll only take four dozen.

  62. Smacky,
    You may have stumbled upon the secret to the LP finally getting some love come next election.

    “The Libertarian Party – Cupcakes! – Are you listening now?!”

  63. few people waste their time advertizing things that everyone already knows.

    I guess that’s why Coke and McDonalds have such small advertising budgets.

  64. An important point is that these pagan cards includes a Bible verse.

  65. “At the Catholic League, Donohue had just announced a boycott of the Lands’ End catalog when he received his White House holiday card. True, he said, the Bushes included a verse from Psalm 28, but Psalms are in the Old Testament and do not mention Jesus’ birth.” (emphasis added)

    Uh, why doesn’t Donohue just go ahead and say that he hates Jews at this point?

  66. You know, what I find really sad about this evil cupcake idea is that this is probably the most attention I’ve elicited on Hit and Run in weeks. If I talk about Plan B or religion in schools or public education or anything remotely intellectual no one wants to listen, but when I mention ‘evil cupcakes’ everybody’s *all ears*.

    But you are always in our thoughts, smacky.

    Usually in conjunction with the application of icing, or something.

    Therefore, the “cupcake” comment just sort of leapt to the fore.

  67. Also, it’s getting close to dinnertime and I’m hungry.

  68. “The Libertarian Party – Cupcakes! – Are you listening now?!”

    mk,

    I can tell that you raise small children (aside from the fact that I already knew this about you).

    Funny and true at the same time — wasn’t it Caesar who said “Give the People what they want: Evil Cupcakes and Noam Chomsky Blow Up Dolls”…

    *sigh*

  69. “The Libertarian Party – Cupcakes! – Are you listening now?!”

    mk,

    I can tell that you raise small children (aside from the fact that I already knew this about you).

    Funny and true and sad at the same time — wasn’t it Caesar who said “Give the People what they want: Evil Cupcakes and Noam Chomsky Blow Up Dolls”…

    *sigh*

  70. Pirate Jo, let’s face facts: it’s all about me. It’s about their insecurity about me. I mean, if they’re so desperate to tell me that they’re Christian, they can’t be saying so just for the sake of saying so. No, they want ME to know it. Why? Because, I suspect, they want me to approve of it. At some level, that must mean my opinion matters more than theirs does. Maybe I should insist on being called “Emperor” from now on.

    Zach, saying “Merry Christmas” does seem to make people feel good. But it’s even more fun when it makes them feel bad. 🙂

  71. madpad, Did you miss this post from Monday?

    Caught it but zach responded to you first. Most political analysts could indeed qualify as crackpots with their heads up their asses.

    ‘sides…that was (assumedly) “analysis”…not a liberal rant.

  72. Smacky, don’t worry, we all love you.

  73. Jeff–is the instruction to “Screw Christ – Worship Baal” one passive, one active instruction or two active instructions?

    Sex makes the Baby Jesus cry – so put him back in the manger, you perv.

  74. Mad Scientist,

    Its the John Bunyan syndrome basically.

  75. What is with those ME, ME, ME, Christians? I think Don O’Hue and Faux Ra should go smoke herring and down Jack Daniel’s until they see the light, join the one true religion and be saved.
    All praise the Evangelical Apoplectic Church of the (not quite*) Virgin Apatheist.

    *Good god man, she was “Riding The Donkey”…in Tijuana!

  76. Hakluyt, lordy, that guy was a loon!

  77. What…no holiday reference to the Flying Spaghetti Monster? The heathens…

  78. I can think of a huge list of people who need to be strapped down in a chair with their eyelids splayed open and shown this e-comic, A Clockwork Orange style… with the song, Happy Holiday, playing in the background…

    Saturnalia

  79. Hmm. Just to be sure my comment at December 7, 2005 05:53 PM is not interpreted in a gross way I did not intend, I would like to replace:

    the application of icing, or something.

    with

    the application of sifted powdered sugar, or some such tomfoolery.

    More accurate, also.

  80. “If I talk about Plan B or religion in schools or public education or anything remotely intellectual no one wants to listen, but when I mention ‘evil cupcakes’ everybody’s *all ears*.”

    smacky, I just want you to know I was trying to get beyond cupcakes, and respond to this comment of yours:
    “They go together like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong”… when H&R was so swarmed with cupcake chatter that my post was crowded out.

    (Now that things have settled down, are we talking D-cupcakes or C- or what?)
    joking. joking.
    Did you say “Plan B”?

  81. thoreau,

    Don’t you think the Bushes are uniquely suited to wrestle out their frustrations around a Festivus pole? “You wanna go mano a mano? Huh? HUH?”

  82. It’s totally all about “This is a Christian country and you’d better honor our holiday whether you believe in it or not, heathen!” It’s not about religion, it’s about power.

  83. Hmm. Just to be sure my comment at December 7, 2005 05:53 PM is not interpreted in a gross way I did not intend, I would like to replace:

    Way too late for that, Stevo. And powered sugar, while more intriguing(almost elizabethan) is still filthy.

  84. Hmph! I usually make a point of getting Christmas cards that mention Christmas somewhere on them. Prefering “Merry Christmas!” That’s because I happen to be celebrating Christmas. … This is so totally out of hand though, I may have to go with “Happy Holidays” or “Seasons Greetings” this year.

    There’s irony for you, my first Christmas as a Christian, and this is what the other nutzoid Chistians are pushing me to, getting a Christmas card that doesn’t mention Christmas.

    About that Noam Chomsky blow up doll, after the first round of 9mm, wouldn’t it have problems holding air. Poor target if you ask me. Ok, so I haven’t absorbed all the good points (love your neighbor etc.) of Chistianity yet.

  85. Although I often feel like saying Merry Christmas, just because it pisses off everybody from the ACLU, it is wise to note that there is a long standing tradition in the business world of using the term Happy Holidays with Christmas cards and otherwise.

    It seems like a reasonable thing for GWB to do, actually, one of the more reasonable things he has done lately.

    I also think Lowes was smart to go back to calling what they were selling Christmas Trees. For Chrysler’s sake they weren’t Chanukah Bushes.

  86. Although I often feel like saying Merry Christmas, just because it pisses off everybody from the ACLU,

    Yeah, because every time a member of the ACLU hears “Merry Christmas” it sends them into a paralytic rage. Just because the ACLU makes common case with people like Michael Newdow as a matter of principle doesn’t mean that a good portion of the membership doesn’t think he’s a douchebag, just that some people realize that the fact that slippery slope is a logical fallacy doesn’t mean that it never happens.

  87. And the business community has that longstanding tradition because, unlike the “christian” right, they aren’t going to be more successful if they’re insensitive to the wishes of others.

  88. Mad Scientists,

    First, it is only good to make your house smell like SOME things. Whenever I make my house smell like something, the wife yells at me.

    Second, they’re not seeking your approval. They’re using what are supposed to be good wishes to mark territory, like a dog pissing on a tree. Our town common, our shopping mall, our courthouse, our country.

  89. Shouldn’t it be

    Screw Christ – Worship Mammon!

    I mean, that’s what the holiday season is all about, ain’t it?

  90. Ok, so I haven’t absorbed all the good points (love your neighbor etc.) of Chistianity yet.

    Neither have a lot christians I know, but I will admit that those who actually try can be pretty nice people.

  91. Isaac Bartram,
    Being nice is smart behavior, but, like everything else, it should be done in moderation.

  92. “Second, they’re not seeking your approval. They’re using what are supposed to be good wishes to mark territory, like a dog pissing on a tree. Our town common, our shopping mall, our courthouse, our country.”

    I think joe nails this. This is exactly what I think is going on, but I’ve never been able to articulate it quite right.

  93. mk,

    I just put “The Libertarian Party – Cupcakes! – Are you listening now?!” as my signature on grylliade. I hope you’re ok with this. You can have it back if you choose to claim it as yours.

  94. Jason Ligon,
    joe had a thoughtful point, as usual, but I think what is happening is a search for commonality. That doesn’t differ from what we do here on H&R. But, we know the more we blog, the more we find differences. But, in the real world, people don’t take the time to haggle that much over differences. They let them slide, if at all possible.
    Until a reincarnation of Rosa Parks needs to come along.

  95. Jason Ligon,

    When they say this is a “Christian” country, think “Christendom,” not “Christianity.”

  96. Smacky,

    You’re the one with the cupcakes. The sig is yours by right.

  97. i think it’s hilarious that folks actually think they got a card from Bush. 9AM: Meet with Cheney 10AM: Meet with staff 11AM: Do a press conference 12AM: Write, sign, stamp, and seal the envelope of 1.2 million christmas cards. retards.

  98. okydoky,
    What you said was so irrelevant.

    Now can we get back to evil cupcakes?

  99. They are sinfully delicious.

  100. I read recently there is a campaign called the Friend or Foe of Christmas Campaign. It should really be called this:

    Wish Me a Merry Christmas or else! Damn it! Campaign

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