When Displays of Analingus—and Nerf Bows and Arrows—Are Outlawed…

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Via Baylen Linnekin who is guest-blogging at Nobody's Business, comes the latest from the "only in Kentucky" file. The Fort Mitchell city council has now called for a ban on bows and arrows–even of the Nerf variety, ostensibly–within city limits.

Linnekin notes that when it comes to the repression of good times, the bow ban is only the latest in a string of indignities authored by those citizen legislators in the Bluegrass State:

Besides this affront to their right as Americans to Nerf it up like the Nuge, Fort Mitchell residents already have a long list of things city government says they can't do. According to the American Legal Publishing online library, if you're in Fort Mitchell you shall under no circumstances become "elated" or "exhilarated" by glue, be a minor in public after 11 p.m. (or, for that matter, be a minor playing ski ball without identification), allow "mud, dirt, [or] sticky substances" to track from your vehicle onto city streets, litter on your own property, or watch any display of anilingus. Phew.

Whole link-rich bit here. Linnekin's regular blog, by the way, is the most excellent To the People.

NEXT: Beam Me Up,Scotty

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  1. Goodie, goodie… another sex toy thread!

  2. Thou may have yon bow, varlet! But thou hast to pry from thy cold, dead fingers!

  3. Federalism is really cool when dumb people use it to make dumb rules for dumb places!

  4. As Nero Wolfe would say: “pfui”.

    Here in Brazil, we’re on the verge of a referendum on whether or not commerce of firearms should be banned in the country. In the wake of such worries, a “vereador” (a municipal-level legislator) has called for a ban on slingshots in his city, in order to avoid public property vandalism by children.

  5. Federalism is really cool when dumb people use it to make dumb rules for dumb places!

    It’s times like this I think that libertarians ought to reconsider their vehemence for “states rights” and realize that local tyranny is just as bad as the national variety.

    And no, I shouldn’t have to “live somewhere else.” Either all states and localities recognize the rights and freedoms we have, or they’re expelled and loose all the perks (e.g. federal highway and education funds, FEMA money, protection from the the US military) that go with membership in the US.

  6. Solon,
    Slingshots are different. They can put your eye out.

  7. I got no problem with nerf bows and arrows.

    I got no problem with a little messing around “back there.”

    But, and this is a big “but,” there’s such a thing as subtraction by addition.

  8. Pun intended, Joe?

    And for god’s sakes, who watches analingus? Not that people shouldn’t be free to, mind you, but seriously….eeeewwww.

  9. Everybody has a big “but”.

  10. What’s a analingus?

    🙂

  11. Is it a tube of glue in my pocket, or am I just “elated” to see smacky?

  12. smacky,

    ling = tongue, anal = just what it looks like

  13. Ruthless,

    From where I’m standing it doesn’t look like it’s in your pocket…

  14. smack:

    Don’t ask. I won’t tell.

    Damn, even the word itself sounds revolting. But I still think “flaccid” is the single worst word in the English language. To guys, that’s like a cross to a vampire.

  15. So a person who talks out of their ass is an “anal-linguist”? 😉

  16. But I still think “flaccid” is the single worst word in the English language. To guys, that’s like a cross to a vampire.

    Only if it’s a permanent state. Flaccid is good at when the opposite would be very bad, like in front of a crowd of people.

  17. linguist and everyone,

    Thanks for the esplanade. I actually already know what it means, I was just being facetious.

    “flaccid” has two pronunciations, actually:

    /flaksid, flassid/

    Just a random factoid.

  18. linguist,
    That’s because I’m REALLY “elated” to see you.

  19. I like flaccid. The 2 /c/s that still come out as /s/ are special, in their own way. Plus it has that soft /f/ and /l/…peaceful, like placid. I don’t really care for the /id/ ending though, it sounds like an afterthought.

  20. But I swear! I WAS IN THE POOL!!

  21. OH my god, how did I miss this!?

    These two things together in one post…what perfect timing!

    Last night a group of us were trying to come up with the perfect word for a semi-erection:

    A Nerf.

  22. Linguist,

    That IS good. Contact Dan Savage immediately. Also, send it in to the Enrich your word power portion of Reader’s Digest.

  23. I always thought “half-mast” was sufficent.

    Nerf is good, too.

    mk,

    Ha, ha…Reader’s Digest.

  24. As in, “Sorry, Bub. That ain’t quite e-nurf”?

  25. linguist:

    I don’t have a word, but how about a term?

    “little train that could”?

  26. Akira,

    In defense of federalism, I acknowledge that local tyrrany is also possible, and wrong. However, it is 1) harder to accomplish and perpetuate (as people and capital move away from it, or just in the fact that so much capital is used in perpetrating it that little is left over for the pursuit of happiness – you can’t spread the costs over 220 million people); 2) less damaging in the big picture; 3) easier to escape (I acknowledge that it is still wrong to force you to escape, but this is why I always cringe when people talk of “libertopia” – my vision isn’t one of a perfect world, just one where it is most possible to live a good life); 4) consistent with concept that competition is good; 5) prevents the centralization of power (Lord Acton and all).

    If instead of states, municipalities were ultimately sovereign, it would be even easier to escape tyrrany (instead of moving to a different state, just move to a neighboring municipality).

    In the end, a defense of federalism is an acknowledgment that history is full of examples where the “wrong” person or persons took control of an empire. It happens. Therefore, the most assured defense is the ability to leave the jurisdiction of the empire, at the least possible cost.

    Just because one defends federalism doesn’t mean one supports local tyrannies.

  27. Mr. Nice Guy,

    I’ve never met a man who would willingly refer to his member by anything that included the word “little”….

    Also, I messed up everyone. I was just informed by the inventor that it’s actually a nerfy, as in “stiffy”…

  28. I’ve never met a man who would willingly refer to his member by anything that included the word “little”….

    linguist,

    Oddly enough, I have.

  29. In neighboring Ft. Thomas KY, a friend of mine used to run a weekend Masquerade (the live action Vampire RPG). It got pretty big with the local college goths, to the tune of maybe 35 people showing up for bi weekly games. There is a lot of costumage involved in something like that, and the game attracts drama-types to a large extent.

    Anyway, Ft. Thomas eventually convened a “Satanic Crimes Unit” to shut down the game. It was hilarious.

  30. smacky,

    err, uh,…well. I hope that worked out well for you!

  31. Akira McKenzie,

    I agree with you on the “states rights'” fetish.

  32. “Anyway, Ft. Thomas eventually convened a “Satanic Crimes Unit” to shut down the game. It was hilarious.”
    Jason Ligon,
    Can you provide a link?

  33. “err, uh,…well. I hope that worked out well for you!”

    linguist,
    Didn’t your mean “worked in well”?

  34. Law & Order : Satanic Crimes Unit

    Cue theme music….

  35. “It’s times like this I think that libertarians ought to reconsider their vehemence for “states rights” and realize that local tyranny is just as bad as the national variety.”

    Well as a libertarian-anarchist Akira I view all governments as varying degrees of evil. But if a city is becoming to tyrannical, then you can pick up and move to a freer city fairly easily. And if a state tends toward tyranny, then it’s still not a huge burden for most people to move to a freer state. When the federal government begins to tryrannize the entire population, the only recourse would be to leave the county, which most people don’t want to do or can’t do.

    What is my point? Well, I’d rather have decentralized decision making on a state or local level. That way tyranny is easier to escape. Even when the feds make “good” decisions overuling illiberal state laws I’m uneasy since this confers more power in the federal government at the expense of the states.

  36. They’ll have to pry my analingus from my cold, dead, stinky, hands.

  37. linguist:

    Sure you have. Ever heard of the term “little elvis”? “Little soldier”?

    And it’s always “little” as in proportion to the rest of the body, not in of itself. That’s what a guy implies.

  38. Gotta post faster I guess….forget what I said and just read quasibill’s response.

  39. But if a city is becoming to tyrannical, then you can pick up and move to a freer city fairly easily. And if a state tends toward tyranny, then it’s still not a huge burden for most people to move to a freer state.

    You’re vastly overestimating how easy it is to move. If you’re a waiter, sure. But depending on one’s field, it can be hard to find a good job in a new place where you don’t have connections, etc. Not to mention ties to family and friends, and cost. Some people are mobile, a lot aren’t.

  40. “Law & Order : Satanic Crimes Unit”

    Dear God, that’s all we need. Another Law & Order. I can’t escape it as it is now. I turn on the TV at night, and one version of that show is on 3 different channels at the same time. Which wouldn’t be too bad if it weren’t crap.

    And then we have the bastard child of Bruckheimer and Law & Order. That’s on 2 different channels at the same time. I’m sure it’s going to rival L&O soon.

    I may have to gouge my eyes out.

  41. “You’re vastly overestimating how easy it is to move.”

    Not really. It’s just a question of whether the tyrrany is so bad that it’s worth moving. If it is, you will move. And the lower you make that transaction cost, i.e. by making the move as short as possible, the easier it becomes to avoid lesser forms of tyrrany.

    For example, very few people are willing to leave the country and move to Holland to smoke marijuana legally. But if the move is only to the next town over?

  42. Nick, you spelt “anilingus” wrong in the title.

  43. “Some people are mobile, a lot aren’t.”

    Of course. Right now I’m 23, not married, and don’t have any kids, so I’m fairly mobile. I realize most people aren’t as mobile as I am. But my point was that it’s a lot easier to move to a new city than a new state, and to a new state than a new country.

  44. Law & Order : Satanic Crimes Unit
    Cue theme music….

    That would have to be Danzig.

    linguist,

    Mr. Nice Guy explained sort of what I meant when I said I’ve met a guy who has referred to his member as “little”. (“Little” = in proportion to the rest of his body).

    *whew* (I’m off the hook now, I think.)

  45. quasibill,

    It would be a blend of “The X-Files” and L&O. 🙂

  46. Smacky, “off the hook”…(little) pun in there somewhere?

  47. *whew* (I’m off the hook now, I think.)

    Glad we got that straight!

  48. God this whole thread is going to get me fired from work if I don’t stop giggling.

    But if a city is becoming to tyrannical, then you can pick up and move to a freer city fairly easily.
    True to an extent, but what if you want to talk on your cell phone while driving, and smoke in bars? Soon the only place you can do these things will be Las Vegas.

  49. I wish there could be a think tank or two devoted exclusively to making it easier for anybody to move anywhere. It would solve many world problems.

  50. Ruthless,

    That would be a job for a mathematician. And maybe an economist. Perhaps throw an accountant in there for good measure.

  51. A mathematician, an economist, and an accountant walk into a bar…

  52. …or make that a think tank. Any jokes involve walking into think tanks?

  53. I wish there could be a think tank or two devoted exclusively to making it easier for anybody to move anywhere

    There already is a Center for Migration Studies, but they don’t seem to do this.

    How about the Interdisciplinary Center for International, Interstate and Intermunicipal Voluntary Human Transfer Analysis? Somebody write me a grant.

  54. Tanks and muffs are for diving, dead elvis.

  55. Herman,
    The UN has a High Commissioner for Refugees, but I wouldn’t trust anything from any of those bureaucrats.

  56. First task for a migration think tank is to ask, “Are borders like damsels in distress that need defending?”

  57. I will neither confirm nor deny the rumor that I once was able to get the word “Analingus” on air during a network news broadcast.

  58. Actually, the law doesn’t ban anilingus per se, just watching it. So as long as no one sees it — but then again, we’re heading toward tree-falling-in-the-forest territory there…

  59. But if a city is becoming to tyrannical, then you can pick up and move to a freer city fairly easily. And if a state tends toward tyranny, then it’s still not a huge burden for most people to move to a freer state.

    I shouldn’t have to move to to a “freeer” state or locality to exercise my rights. Why should I have to uproot my whole existance just to enjoy something I should have in the first place, or learn to tolerate local tyranny?

  60. This is a sad day for analingus watchers all across Kentucky. A moment of silence, please.

  61. EDIT: I shouldn’t have to move to a “freer” state or locality to exercise my rights.

  62. EDIT: I shouldn’t have to move to a “freer” state or locality to exercise my rights.

  63. A moment of silence, PLEASE, Akira!

    🙂

  64. Whoops! Damn server!

  65. “Actually, the law doesn’t ban anilingus per se, just watching it.”

    So, if you do it, keep your eyes closed.
    If it’s being done to you, no peeking.

  66. I acknowledge that local tyrrany is also possible, and wrong. However, it is 1) harder to accomplish and perpetuate (as people and capital move away from it, or just in the fact that so much capital is used in perpetrating it that little is left over for the pursuit of happiness

    I don’t think this really holds. Some of the most desireable places to live are heavily regulated by public government, and often desire more regulation in the form of private government, such as homeowner’s associations.

    I’ve experienced this in my own town, and indeed my own block, where a a lone busybody can be a big fish in a little pond. The makings of a little tyrant. I’m just thankful my neighborhood isn’t burdened with a homeowner’s association of it’s own.

    This is a town that has a great deal of well to do people, attracts more upwardly mobile, and in the end, despite the grumbles, relishes it’s high amount of local regulation. I believe there’s a sense that such regulation is matter of distinction from other towns where any riff raff do as he/she pleases.

  67. Akira! Hold your tongue!

  68. Akira! Hold your tongue!

    Ifth visth beddah? 🙂

  69. Comment #69! Yeah! I rule.

  70. “I shouldn’t have to move to a “freer” state or locality to exercise my rights.”

    Right, but that’s not the correct counter argument to a pro-federalism argument. I’m saying decentralization presents better prospects for liberty than centralization, even if that means some illeberal or tyrannical local laws. I think the bigger threat to liberty is a strong, centralized federal government. It’s essentially a “lesser of two evils” argument and, at least in my opinion, the more decentralization the better our prospects for freedom.

    P.S. I would never argue that states have some sort of right to pass tyrcannical laws. That’s not what I meant at all. I know in an ideal world you shouldn’t have to move to escape tyranny but, like I said, this is an argument between the “lesser of two evils.”

  71. Ifth visth beddah?

    Akira,

    I have no idea what you’re doing with your tongue right now, but chances are I’m probably not allowed to watch.

  72. I’d just like to add that Australians called the 3.5″ floppy disk (when such things existed) a “stiffie” (which makes sense, really) – a fact which caused me great amusement when I was ten. Oh, hell, it still does (“stiffie”, heehee…)

  73. I’d just like to add that Australians called the 3.5″ floppy disk (when such things existed) a “stiffie” (which makes sense, really) – a fact which caused me great amusement when I was ten. Oh, hell, it still does (“stiffie”, heehee…)

  74. joe and Akira have demonstrated the difference between silence and holding one’s tongue.

  75. I have no idea what you’re doing with your tongue right now, but chances are I’m probably not allowed to watch.

    I walked into THAT one, didn’t I?

  76. First, they came for the anilingus viewers, and I did not object, because I was not an anilingus viewer…

  77. What’s a analingus?

    Actually, I thought it was the name of the national airline of the Republic of Ireland.

  78. Ha ha! Good one, Stevo.

  79. Oops. Correction. Begorrah!

  80. As in: Sodomy and Begorrah!

  81. peachy,

    Your anecdote explains a lot!

    And of course a stiffie is a lot bigger than a floppy…

  82. If you were to merge ANA (an airline, stands for All Nippon Airways) with Aer Lingus, you would get…

  83. What, no “kiss my ass” jokes yet?

  84. Does anyone know if Ft. Mitchell outlawed toilet-papering the trees in front of the school on Beechwood?

  85. Wow. Synchronicity. We’re talking about names for peckers, and Volokh’s talking about:

    http://www.thepocketpart.org/

    called “A Companion to the Yale Law Review”

  86. Don’t talk dirty, thoreau. Say “kiss my ear.”

  87. Thoreau:

    no.

    (nobody is giving the “don’t like it? MOVE” answer. good)

  88. Is this all we as Hit and Runners have to say on the topic of analingus? I figured we’d hit at least 200 posts. Sadly, I believe I was mistaken.

  89. smacky,

    You’re bragging about getting 69 on the ass-licking thread?

  90. I’ll add one more smacky

    When ass-licking is outlawed only outlaws will lick ass.

  91. Gentlemen and Ladies:

    I need to get to the bottem of all this tongue-wagging. This is supposed to be a serious political forum, no “buts” about it.

    Let’s stop making asses of ourselves, and return to serious analytical intercourse.

  92. This thread leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

  93. Anybody eating a tossed salad for lunch? 😉

    I hesitate to post a link (definitely not work safe!), but on Toss-My-Salad (the gourmet guide to analingus), there are such topics as “Five surefire methods for successful ass eating.”

  94. I disagree with you guys. I feel that there have been some fairly penetrating insights on this thread.

  95. I can just imagine the public health pandemic of analingus that was the impetus for this law. Or maybe it was a WWII “solidarity with the troops” things, and they had propaganda posters everywhere with a big wagging finger that read “Don’t eat pooper unless you think Hitler’s super” or something like that.

  96. Smacky:

    bring up the intelligent design of sex toys. that’ll get some of the ID assholes out to get their asses (as it were) handed to them by Hak. That’ll be good for several.

    Then the rest of us can do the anatomical switch and milk the topic (again, as it were) to get it up (whoops, i did it again) to 200.

    howz dat?

  97. Randolph,

    “Loose lips sink hips”. It’s a stretch, I know.

  98. I’m afraid this thread is near its ignominious end.

  99. “You’re bragging about getting 69 on the ass-licking thread?”

    After serious consideration, I see your point, joe. What number should it have been?

  100. What hasn’t consul lowercase come here to comment about how this act was widely practiced by decadent elites no longer fit save a declining Roman Empire?

    Note, I have no idea how widely practiced it was, I’m just wondering and trying to get this to 200 posts.

    Also:

    Kerry would have been worse at this.

    Bush’s lies lead to this being done to Iraqis.

    That should get M1EK and a couple of the GOPers going for thirty posts.

  101. Herman-

    If you want to get some people going on federalism and the incorporation doctrine, suggest that these laws violate the 14th amendment. To get the same people going, just say something about the Civil War.

    I will not make 500 posts in a single thread myself, but I’ll sure lay out the bait for other people to do it.

  102. Hee hee… consul lowercase

    that’s a good one.

  103. “I’ll sure lay out the bait for other people to do it.”

    Who said you can draw more flies with honey? consul lowercase?

  104. After serious consideration, I see your point, joe. What number should it have been?

    70, same position but one spot higher. (with emoticon :P*)

    consul lowercase would blame in all on rampant individualism, nietzche, kant, and everone being an artist.

  105. blame IT all on rampant individualism, nietzche, kant, and everyone being an artist.

  106. I’ll leave it to the women of the forum to weigh in on whether a 3.5″ stiffie is better than a 5.25″ floppy.

  107. Oohh, Colonel, that’s a toughie, but it isn’t enough to hang my “hat” on, is it?
    You tell me, big? boy.

  108. “70, same position but one spot higher.”

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h- Oo! I wet ’em.

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