Here Come the Sun Addicts (Where Have You Gone, George Hamilton? Edition)

H&R "lurker" Jessica sends along this hilarious Reuters story (via MSNBC.com) about the newest addiction under the sun: suntanning.

Anywhere from one-quarter to one-half of people catching rays at the beach may actually be addicted to tanning, according to new study findings.

After interviewing 145 beachgoers, U.S. researchers found that a significant portion met a series of addiction criteria traditionally used to diagnose alcoholism and other substance use disorders.

These findings suggest that regular sun-tanners may have a new type of substance disorder involving ultraviolet light, write the authors, led by Dr. Richard F. Wagner, Jr., of the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston.

Whole thing here.

I want to disagree with Drs. Wagner et al. From the news account at least, what their findings suggest that, to paraphrase Joe Jackson re: cancer, everything is addictive.

Indeed, as someone who tries to squeeze small moments of pleasure out of a world which is mostly shadows, I choose to read studies like the one mentioned above as performance art, esoteric Guy Grand-esque hoaxes designed to brighten our days. Try it, all you existential depressives out there, it really helps.