NFL

Rolling Stoned Gathers Some Moss

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It's fun to watch the stunned reax to Oakland Raiders wide receiver Randy Moss declaring that he has smoked pot in the past, and perhaps in the present, but without "abusing it." NFL officials, not to mention the sanctimonious scribes who shill for them, define all use as abuse. Yet the league only bothers to test players for pot during training camp, a tacit don't ask-don't tell policy for the in-season months and most of the off-season.

Moss obviously violated the don't tell part of this little pact, which for PR purposes maintains the fiction that the healthy, wealthy young men of the NFL differ significantly from their non-football playing peers in their recreational habits. Plus there is the little problem of Moss personifying a high-achieving occasional pot smoker who has yet to hit skid-row or otherwise help the terrorists win.

Accordingly, expect the hammer to drop on Moss, ASAP.

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  1. Marijuana is not a performance enhancing drug.

    Unless you play bass.

  2. Whoa, hold on, Randy Moss?!? Naw, that can’t be right. Not RANDY MOSS! This is just such a huge freaking shock. No one could have possibly predicted this. The Raiders should totally feel free to void his contract, because his actual behavior is just so at odds with the image of the man they thought there were getting.

  3. Yes, god forbid we tamper with the sanctity of grown men being paid Cheney-level salaries to go out once a week and play.
    Once they think they are anything more than entertainers they become part of the problem. Juice up, boys. Testicular cancer cannot claim enough of you.

  4. I don’t know anyone who was “stunned”.

    I do, however, know some who are regularly ‘stoned’.

  5. Just more proof that he is now where he belongs. A city and a team that thrives off of being frowned upon for largely ignoring sanctimonious personal expectations.

    Welcome home, Randy. It’s nice to have you.

  6. joe,

    You forgot snow boarding, Frisbee golf, Playstation 2 and hacky.

    However, I too am shocked! Shocked I say – to find out Randy Moss smokes weed. He’s probably been hanging around that Williams kid. He?s nothing but trouble.

    This opens an interesting question. Who is the greatest stoned Athlete? I’m not talking about burnouts like Gooden and Strawberry. I?m talking functioning, stoned sports figures past or present.

    I nominate Robert Parrish. Chief was always stoned to the bejeezus. Honorable mention to Nate Newton.

  7. I’d second Robert Parrish’s nomination, but I’m pretty sure it would violate Robert’s Rules to do that.

    Name stealer. πŸ˜‰

  8. I didn’t get the impression that the Ballou guy was shilling for the NFL. It just seemed to be more of a “Moss, you knucklehead, why’d you say that!”. Because not only will it cause unwanted attention from fans and the press, which his teamates might not like. But now there could be more pressure for the NFL to test in the off season – something his fellow pot smoking players wont like.

  9. When legalization comes, they should sell Double Zero brand. Tagline “Hail to the Chief.”

  10. My bad joe.

    I typed your name in the wrong field.

    I’ve gotta stop with the waking and baking.

  11. I have this fantasy where all the celebrities who use drugs come out on the same day.

  12. I would also like to add Walton to the Stoned Sports Ledgends Hall of Fame.

  13. I remember a late night talk show joke about a snowboarder in the 1998 Olympics who tested positive for weed and was disqualified (I think he had actually won a medal, but I may be misremembering). The joke was that the first hint of his drug use was when he stopped halfway down to eat a burrito. Heh.

  14. You ever look at a pine tree? I mean REALLY LOOK – *smack*

  15. J,

    Dennis Miller had a great line – one of his few in the last 5 years.

    The snowboarder in question won a bronze. He said anyone that can win a bronze medal stoned deserves the gold.

  16. Just when I thought that I couldn’t hate Randy Moss more he does something like this….and totally redeems himself!

    Warren,

    I also wish that everyone who smokes pot would “come out of the closet” on the same day so that people would realize 1) how widespread it is and 2) how people can lead perfectly normal lives and smoke pot.

  17. I second the Walton nomination. A good portion of the NBA stars probably qualify (Iverson and Carmelo are a couple of good bets).

    Kudos to Joe Pepitone for turning on Mickey Mantle. Special HOF mention for Doc Ellis for pitching a no hitter while tripping.

    I personally find the evil weed to help on the golf course, at the bowling alley, and on the softball field. I have never played these sports any other way, so I am not certain it enhances performance. It certainly enhance the enjoyment.

  18. Drug testing snowboarders is like looking for pedophiles at a Star Trek convention.

  19. I too wish everoney who smoked would come out. Or at least everyone on my block. That way I know who might be holding when my stash is cashed and my guy’s phone is going straight to voice mail.

  20. As I stated in another thread earlier today…

    it was nice to hear Max Kellerman on ESPN Radio yesterday arguing against the “leads to” rationale. He wasn’t denying that MJ might “lead to”, but was saying that alcohol also “leads to” and thus the “leads to” argument gives no support for making MJ illegal while keeping alcohol legal. (It came up in a discussion concerning Randy Moss’s MJ use vs. his position as a role model, which Kellerman was reacting to with a “so what? we all drink too…and are casual drinkers banned from being role models?”

    I hope more sports media figures bring some commone sense to this argument.

  21. Jesus typos! Sorry folks. Maybe the demon weed is more insidious than we realize.

  22. Coach Phil.

    Joe: don’t you think Dave Cowens coulda used a few puffs? Man, he was intense. Bill Laimbeer tried in vain to be like Mr. Cowens……..

    Then there was that other moose from a generation or two before… Lutuskoff? or something like that?

    What about Mark McGwire? oh – wrong drugs… πŸ™‚

  23. ralphus,

    There was a good Onion article along those lines not too far back (I don’t have time to try to find it): someone had proposed the equivalent of a sex offender registry for marijuana users, so everyone would know where they could score some good weed. With some of those classic Onion pictures of concerned neighbors too….

  24. I didn’t get the impression that the Ballou guy was shilling for the NFL. It just seemed to be more of a “Moss, you knucklehead, why’d you say that!”.

    I think you’re right — this wasn’t a good example.

    Just wait till SI’s Rick Reilly copy/pastes the name “Randy Moss” into his “shock/outrage/umbrage/am i the only person in the world who has any sense of morality” column template. I’m sure his research assistant is nearly finished changing his stock “Terrell Ownes” column to a stock “Randy Moss” column as we speak.

  25. What about Mark McGwire? oh – wrong drugs… πŸ™‚

    Plus he’s white, so it’s ok.

  26. Plus he’s white, so it’s ok.
    Not for Randy’s old PG/QB Jason Williams. Though I don’t think he’s been caught recently.

    iw-
    I really hate Reilly too. Good writer, but too often likes to make the column about him boldly challenging the athlete.

    I thought I heard Bill “Spaceman” Lee claim to have thrown a baseball game on LSD, but I’m not a seamhead and I’m too young to remember.

  27. [sarcasm]

    What about Dan Pasqua?

    [/sarcasm]

  28. ….and totally redeems himself!

    Yup, lightin up some weed certainly makes up for Moss being a general asshole who made such a nuisance of himself on and off the field that a team that desperately needs a receiver of his calibre chose to unload him. Bah.

  29. J,

    Read it. Loved it. I think it was called Tony’s Law.

  30. My favorite Dan Pasqua moment was when he got hit in the back with a fly ball.

  31. Russ D:

    Pasqua made $2,500,000 in 1992. I can only shake my head.

    At least I’m enjoying this year.

  32. You may be thinking of Oil Can Boyd… or was it Doc Ellis…?… who pitched a no-hitter while tripping his nads off.

  33. In what sense is Rick Reilly a “good writer”? That guy is almost enough to make me never read SI, and I love the rest of the magazine. I mean, does Reilly ever feel any remorse for getting a paycheck to make those jokes? “Charles Barkely is so fat..” “How fat is he?”

  34. Here’s a question: let’s say that Moss is just talking. You know, heresay. Let’s say he’s making this up. What then?

    And White Sox Fan: dammit. beat the yankees. it was a huge dissapointment watching the massholes win. you do realize that the smug, east coast boo-yah (back back back) network and those assholes Peter Gammons and Bob Ryan are very pleased to see the sophisticated east coasters beat the midwestern rubes… take it to them!!!!!

    sincerely,
    Cubbies Fan drf

  35. We Massholes got nothing but love for Chicago baseball fans.

    We’ve been there.

    Vikings Fan, Nate Burleson isn’t exactly chopped liver.

  36. You may be thinking of Oil Can Boyd… or was it Doc Ellis…?… who pitched a no-hitter while tripping his nads off.

    Dock Ellis had the LSD no-hitter. Snopes has a page about it. Ellis’s descriptions of that day are actually pretty interesting.

  37. drf:

    Yes, it is fun to beat down the east coast juggernaut. However, the Cubs are simply the midwestern outpost of the beloved-by-ESPN Yanks/Red Sawx/Cubs triad.

  38. Joe:

    Nothing but love? That’s sweet. However, the greatest thrill for the rest of America in the Red Sox winning was the knowledge that all those John Updike/Doris Kearns Goodwin/Dan Shaugnessy odes to the star-crossed Red Sox might actually cease.

  39. …and that they’d turn their attention somewhere else, perhaps?

  40. “…and that they’d turn their attention somewhere else, perhaps?”

    Oh, please, God no.

  41. “Plus there is the little problem of Moss personifying a high-achieving occasional pot smoker who has yet to hit skid-row or otherwise help the terrorists win.”

    Actually, Moss is a legendary jackass, so it really isn’t great PR for pot. No doubt the stunning revelation that Moss smokes is going to confirm, rather than compromise, belief in Reefer Madness.

    Now, if Tom Brady or Jerry Rice admitted they smoked pot, that would be a different story.

  42. I personally am shocked by the revelation that Randy Moss smokes the chronic. He is such white bread guy. Who would have ever figured that him of all people in sports would be smoking the tree? My faith in sports is totally shot. What is next, Barry Bonds on steroids? Pete Rose gambling on baseball?

  43. Good point sidereal.

    All of Moss’ stupid actions will be blamed on him being a pothead. Look at the Ricky Williams situation. The party line is that pot was more important to Ricky than football. Never that he was a flaky guy that was just sick of playing football. It had to be the weed. It’s like every sports writer in the country turned into the coach from Dazed and Confused.

  44. I’ve always thought that Ricky Williams passed up an opportunity to be sort of a poster-child for MJ legalization, as funny as that sounds. I mean, if he’s going to retire anyway, and continue to smoke, why not try to stir up some discussion about why there’s even a restriction on MJ use in the NFL (and, by extension, in the US)? For example, “My teammates all go out and get drunk every Monday, but if I smoke a little weed, which is by all accounts safer than drinking, I get suspended. Well, to hell with your crazy rules, I’m giving up football and moving to Amsterdam.”

    That’s probably the worst argument he could make for legalization, but it would still probably get people to talk about it, rather than the circular “drugs are bad because they’re illegal because they’re bad because…” thing. I suppose it wouldn’t stop the “his mind was hijacked by the devil’s weed” thing though…

  45. I wonder if NFL Europe drug tests.

  46. The first few comments on this thread made me think of that Winter Olympics sowboarder who got in trouble for using pot. Specifically, it reminds me on this comment from Jon Steward of The Daily Show:

    “Olympic officials first began to suspect the snowboarder of using marijuana when they learned that he was a snowboarder.

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