TSA Goo-goo

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Not only are babies' names getting added to the national no-fly list, they're also really darn hard to remove:

The best Zapolsky and her husband can hope for is a letter that tells airport screeners that the little boy is harmless, and that he's been added to a "cleared" list.

But, it turns out, that, too, will be impossible for the 1-year-old.

Before the federal agency will issue such a letter, the person on the list must fill out and have notarized an application that asks for things like height, weight and three forms of government ID.

Link via Derek Rose.

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  1. At this point it would be less hassle to change the kid’s name.

  2. And another thing….

    Perhaps hospitals can check to see if the name your picking for your baby is on such shit lists so that you can reconsider.

  3. “This is guilty until proven innocent,” said Zapolsky, who is reluctant to give screeners even more personal information about her son. “If we’re not free to travel without giving a blood sample, then we’re not free.”

    At least she’s learning.

  4. Russ. Interesting point.
    I’m curious as to how tough it would be to change a child’s name, despite proxy-consent law. When Penn Jillette named his child Moxie Crimefighter, many snickered. Now I’m thinking more parents might change the names of thier kids to something less common/more conspicuous.

  5. The kid will eventually be too old to get the letter, what happens to him then?

  6. Sorry if this is a bit off-topic, but I just went through security screening for a flight at Newark airport and, after standing in line beside signs saying that removing my shoes was optional (but, ominously, that failure to do so might slow down screening), I was ordered to remove my shoes by the screener. Anyone know what is up with this? The in terrorem (no pun intended) effect was sufficient that I didn,t argue with the screener and the guy the looked like a supervisor seemed about as sharp as an assistant manager at MacDonald’s, so I just gritted my teeth and kept moving.

  7. This type of nonsense is being done deliberately to give an excuse for a far more invasive system of screening (whatever Capps-II is called lately)

    When asked if it is necessary for the Gummint to build a ‘total information’ system aggregating everything about its subjects, spokesmen will say ‘well it will stop babies and congressmen being hassled at airports’. So that’s alright then.

  8. As the original article points out, the TSA has told airlines not to deny boarding to anyone under 12 even if their name appears on the list, but the airlines do it anyway. As bad as the TSA is, it’s not causing the problem, at least for people under 12.

  9. When Penn Jillette named his child Moxie Crimefighter, many snickered. Now I’m thinking more parents might change the names of thier kids to something less common/more conspicuous.

    That will work until Islamic terrorists start using aliases like Wango Tango, Amanda Huginkiss or gaius marius.

  10. Couldn’t you kill hundreds and close an entire airport just having your shoes explode in a security screening line?

  11. @Rich: It’s called Secure Flight, and it’s worse than CAPPS II. While it might stop babies and Congressmen from being harassed at airports, it is likely to cause the rest of us to get harassed. Consider that what’s in your credit report might be used as a basis for determining whether you fit a “terrorist profile” and not being allowed to board a flight.

  12. I dunno about you guys, but I like the security searches.

  13. I planned on moving a lot of heroin inside of a baby. This really puts a crimp in my plans.

  14. What’s the credit profile of a terrorist?

  15. What’s the credit profile of a terrorist?

    Lots of Halliburton stock?

  16. Titanium Visa with $100,000 line of credit from Pan-Arabist Bank of Jihad. In righteous standing.

  17. “What’s the credit profile of a terrorist?”

    Maybe some non-Islamic terrorists have credit cards, but terrorists won’t carry credit cards if they’re true Muslims. Lending or borrowing money at interest is forbidden in Islam.

  18. If Andy Warhol made his famous quote about celebrity today, he might instead have said “in the future, everyone will be on the TSA no-fly list”

  19. Russ D writes:

    Perhaps hospitals can check to see if the name your picking for your baby is on such shit lists so that you can reconsider.

    The list is classified. You and your obstetrician can’t see it. (Not joking.)

  20. But at the very least, don’t change your last name to Zapolsky.

  21. al-Jabr,

    As long as you pay the bill every month, you don’t pay interest. I’m not sure if that makes devout Muslims better or worse from the POV of creditors…

  22. alkali,

    You’re right, but that’s not as silly as it sounds. If an exception were made for parents naming babies, some terrorist could scout lamoz classes for single women to get involved with. Once the baby is born, he convinces her to name the child after him. When he finds out whether the child’s name is kosher, he thus knows whether his own is. Then he dumps the kid and mom, and goes off to martyrdom assured of success.

    So, I for one feel safer knowing that the TSA is keeping the list secret from obstetricians…

    😉 😉 😉

  23. “al-Jabr,

    “As long as you pay the bill every month, you don’t pay interest. I’m not sure if that makes devout Muslims better or worse from the POV of creditors…”

    Easy for *you* to say, but if I had a credit card, I would always be using it to buy camels, slaves, wives, etc, and I wouldn’t be able to repay the whole thing every month. Best to just avoid temptation.

  24. Changing the name probably won’t help. Terrorists probably change their names a lot more, on average, than non-terrorists. You’d probably just end up bumping Baby Zaplosky onto some even worse list, regardless of what the new name was.

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