You Are Worthless, Alec Baldwin

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Freedom House is holding a conference on human rights in North Korea today in D.C. I'm not exactly sure when conservatives wrested the North Korea rights issue from the Free Tibet/Burma/Mumia contingent, but at the Mayflower Hotel this morning, there was not an unwashed college kid in sight. For $40, however, you can pick up a needlework picture of Jesus cross-stitched by a North Korean defector. The Chuck Colson table was swamped. On the agenda aren't famine and torture so much as religious persecution and sex slavery. And with the usual activists out of the way, there's not much peacenik-ing to be had. It's not exactly a pro-invasion pep rally over there, but the selection of the keynote speaker says something: the president's second favorite philosopher, Natan Sharansky.

NEXT: Method to the Madness

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  1. Excellent title.

  2. Well, famine and torture can only harm your body, but sex slavery and religous persecution can endanger your immortal soul.

  3. I’ve heard that Natan Sharansky is a dip-shit. Anybody else hear that?

  4. I believe it’s Arick Bardwin. Breakin my balls, Kerry, Breakin my balls.

  5. To expand on Randolph Carter’s point, it should be:

    “You Are Worthress, Arec Bardwin”

  6. “We are here to usher in a new era without violence — by following the rules of the Film Actors Guild, the world can become a better place that handles dangerous people with talk and reasoning — that is the FAG way. One day, you will all look at the world us actors created and say, ‘Wow…good going, FAG. You really made the world a better place, didn’t you, FAG?’ “

  7. Why is everyone so fucking stupid? Why can’t they be interrigent, rike me?

  8. I finally saw that film last weekend. My favorite lines are offered up by the Matt Damon puppet.

  9. Matt Damon

  10. Given crazy ol’ Kim’s position as the most powerful film nerd in the world, I wonder if he’s seen the movie yet. It seems only fair that he watch it. I watched “Pulgasari.”

  11. Shouldn’t Free Tibet be the right’s ball, too? After all, it’s another way to stick it to the ChiComs.

  12. Matt Damon. MATT DAMON!!

  13. What movie are all of you referring to?

  14. Team America: World Police

  15. I’m not exactly sure when conservatives wrested the North Korea rights issue from the Free Tibet/Burma/Mumia contingent

    The Free Tibet etc. crowd never gave a crap about North Korea because North Korea is the avowed enemy of the United States. That’s all it takes to get a pass from your standard-issue leftoid.

    Starving millions, grotesque totalitarianism, whatever, dude, just so you stick it to Uncle Sam!

  16. The Free Tibet etc. crowd never gave a crap about North Korea because North Korea is the avowed enemy of the United States. That’s all it takes to get a pass from your standard-issue leftoid.

    Yeah, because China and the US are such great buddies. That’s the only reason the left gives a sh*t about Tibet.

    Y’know, it might’ve been easier to put some heat on North Korea if conservatives hadn’t blown America’s military wad on a neverending quagmire in Iraq. But no, please enjoy yourselves by meditating on the comfortable fantasy of a movie where puppets can eliminate a nuclear-powered dictatorship by killing a bunch of annoying actors.

  17. “The Free Tibet etc. crowd never gave a crap about North Korea because North Korea is the avowed enemy of the United States. That’s all it takes to get a pass from your standard-issue leftoid.

    Starving millions, grotesque totalitarianism, whatever, dude, just so you stick it to Uncle Sam!”

    Quote of the day!

  18. Oh and Iron Lungfish?

    I’m calling China’s bluff on that.

  19. I was sent from pranet Xiron to conquer the Earf
    I had a twiffic pran – I thought it would work
    I tried to get the Earfrings all to kill each other, y’see
    But it all went wrong and now I must decree

    You are worthress Arec Bardwin
    You are worthress Arec Bardwin
    You have faiwred in every way
    and now my stock in you has fawren
    Your career is stawrin’
    and you’re worthress Arec Bardwin
    That’s why I brew your head off
    And your chirdren are all bawrin’

    Pranet Xiron is inhabited with Xipods rike me
    But arso with Balmacs who are giant bees
    The Xipods and the Balmacs are at constant war
    So we wanted a new home and that’s what Earf was for

    But you are worthress Arec Bardwin
    You are worthress Arec Bardwin
    You fucked up my whole plan
    and now Xiron is smeared with Balmac porren
    Your garbage needs some hawring
    and you’re worthress Arec Bardwin
    Now I must return home a faiwrure
    I’m afraid the pit of Cryrock is cawrin’.

  20. Yeah, because China and the US are such great buddies. That’s the only reason the left gives a sh*t about Tibet.

    Oh, that link about China and nukes is just a little posturing. But everyone knows that deep down, the United States and China are real cozy; great buddies. Because China and WalMart are great buddies. And the left hates WalMart too. Besides, it’s a corporation. And corporations run Bush’s America ™.

    Let me explain to you how this works: You see, the corporations finance Team America, and then Team America goes out, and the corporations sit there in their corporation buildings, and… and, and see, they’re all corporation-y. And they make money.

  21. “The Free Tibet etc. crowd never gave a crap about North Korea because North Korea is the avowed enemy of the United States.”

    RC Dean,

    Well, yeah… The psychology of that crowd aside, objectively what would be the point of making a lot of noise about North Korea if they are already an avowed enemy of the U.S.?

  22. So, RC, nothing on the Right’s silence about Tibet?

    Do you think it’s because the leading opposition figure is flagrantly non-Christian, or because murder, dispossession and cultural genocide are small a small price to pay to avoid sharing a political belief with a guy with braids in his hair?

  23. Thank heavens we have conservatives to look out for the poor North Koreans, since those goddamned motherfucking pinkos at Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International and HRNK and the

  24. “So, RC, nothing on the Right’s silence about Tibet?”

    What the hell are you talking about? I hear plenty of conservatives (and libertarian-leaning conservatives) complain about the domination of Tibet. It’s just that, unlike smelly hippies, they don’t see the point in putting “Free Tibet” bumper stickers on their cars.

  25. Given crazy ol’ Kim’s position as the most powerful film nerd in the world, I wonder if he’s seen the movie yet. It seems only fair that he watch it. I watched “Pulgasari.”

    Evidently he has. Poking around the web, there are two interesting stories.

    The first is that Matt & Trey actually sent a copy of Team America, C/O Dear Leader.

    The second is that the N. Korean ambassador to the Czech Republic asked them to ban the movie.

    The Czechs, being a rather pragmatic bunch told him to go evacuate his bladder along a vertically-aligned rope.

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