Free Dating Tips from Police Chief Settingsgaard

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Peoria, Illinois, has a prostitute problem, or at least Police Chief Settingsgaard thinks so. He has responded by posting pictures of accused johns and pimps on the web–a move that has provoked some measure of public discomfort. To clarify his position, the Chief has penned an "open letter to Peoria's prostitutes, johns, and the Journal Star," and posted it on the Peoria Police Department Website. Some choice snippets:

Here is a novel idea. If your wife is not meeting your needs, try meeting hers. It can do wonders. No wife at home? Try finding a decent woman whom you can love, cherish and respect and then make her your wife. If you are not willing to put in that kind of effort, try a dinner and a movie.

To the recalcitrant editors of the Peoria Journal Star, Police Chief Settingsgaard continues:

While I disagree with your position, I appreciate the ideas that came to light as a result. You asked, "Why not post photos of drug buyers and drug sellers?" Be patient, we will get to your request as soon as we can.

NEXT: Vat-Grown Meat: It's What's For Dinner

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  1. Has anyone posted the chief’s picture up in area donut shops with the legend “would you fuck this man?”
    Or is that too obvious.

  2. I still like the Chicago PD site better.

  3. “No wife at home? Try finding a decent woman whom you can love, cherish and respect and then make her your wife.”

    Maybe this is Peoria logic.. I’m lost here. What does this statement have to do with fucking? Or is that the only thing a “wife” is good for?

    I’m thinking about officer Barbrady here. Seriously, what a fucking retard.

  4. Open letter to Chief Dumbass Steven M. Settingsgaard:

    You are a fool to think that the oldest profession can be wiped out by you enforcement of whatever vice laws you and your people come up with. Five hundred years from now, there will still be prostitutes, and your name will be forgotten to history.

    It is the most basic form of capitalism… The primitive exchange of goods and services. Maybe your biggest beef with it is the capitalism part.

  5. try a dinner and a movie.

    You mean paying for companionship with a gift certificate instead of cash?

  6. What does this statement have to do with fucking? Or is that the only thing a “wife” is good for?

    Apparently, in Mrs. Settingsgaard’s case.

  7. My advice to the johns: Bring a videocamera. Say you’re making an amateur movie and that they’re violating your 1st Amendment Rights.

  8. KMW: Don’t ask, just remember the 4 most important words that guide most prohibitionist policy regarding victimless crimes:

    It’s.

    Bad.

    Mmm.

    Kay.

  9. No one mentioned the STDs here. Who’s thinking of the STDs? Where are all those poor, little herpes going to go if there are no johns left? (There, there little herpe. Don’t cry. You’ll find a home someday.)

  10. “I find it far more important to keep the sex trade off the streets than I do keeping it off the Police Department’s website.”

    This guy must be on our side! Who wants prostitutes soliciting on the streets? Soon they’ll be able to solicit on the internet instead without fear of the police!

    If the Peoria PD website would also give out some free porn, it would be mighty popular.

  11. Maybe I misread, but the most disturbing part of this, to me, is that he’s posting pictures of the ACCUSED, not the CONVICTED.

  12. “The idea came from a resident of Peoria who is sick of watching you plague his neighborhood. He is one of the many victims of your “victimless” crimes.”

    I like that! The legislature takes a perfectly nonviolent, victimless activity, criminalizes it, which creates a violent black market, and forces that violence out on the street, since it’s illegal to run a legitimate business…and somehow, this is THEIR fault? If they’re so sick of watching the prostitution black market plague their neighborhood, then perhaps they should get rid of the very thing that created it: the law against prostitution. Hell, you don’t see violent “pimps” beating their “ho’s” in the maidservice industry.

    News Flash: two adults, agreeing on a mutually beneficial transaction, is NOT what causes the violence and black market; it’s the sin laws that do. That old man whose neighborhood is “plagued” by the prostitution black market is a VICTIM of STUPID LAWS, not some guy wanting to pay money for sex.

  13. Evan, you’re forgetting something. Police Chief Settingsgaard is a idiot. Trying to apply logic to the actions of an idiot will just cause frustration.

    Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be an effective way to cause an idiot to realize the depths of his cognitive dissonance.

  14. *I meant to say “an idiot.” a idiot. geeze, what’s wrong with me?

  15. My dad was an attorney, and he took a cop like this. “Officer Good” hosted a show on local cable, in which he’d show the pictures of accused johns and drug dealers and call them things like “toilet licking scumbag.” For some reason, my father ended up defending a few guys he’d arrested over the course of a couple years, and kept winning. At one point, he asked Officer Good which way his van was parked when the kid threw the rock at it, and he said, “The Goodmobile was facing east. The judge started smirking, and that was pretty much that for that charge.”

    It got so my father couldn’t drive through the town, because the cops knew his car. Then, a couple years later, Officer Good got caught stealing guns from the evidence locker. Heh heh heh.

    I’m not sure what the point of this is, other than cops like that suck.

  16. The quotes should end after “east.”

  17. “Maybe I misread, but the most disturbing part of this, to me, is that he’s posting pictures of the ACCUSED, not the CONVICTED.”

    Agreed. I’d like to know the legality of that, myself. On the show “Cops”, they at least have to blur the faces of the perps if they don’t sign a release.

    Sounds like the “person of interest” ruse that’s been used since Richard Jewel, in order to embarrass and belittle without formally charging with a crime.

  18. That guy, or someone similar to him, ended up on a Judge Judy episode I aired. He had called a woman a “Scum Sucking Dirtbag” on TV for having several unpaid speeding tickets. Turned out she was the wrong woman. Judy laid down some of her down home yelling at the guy. Funny as hell.

  19. Bernard McGuirk, producer of Imus in the Morning, analyzes prostitution differently. He says that you’re not paying a prostitute for sex ; you’re paying her to go away afterwards.

    In that light, the Chief’s advice obviously won’t work.

    What modern Erving Goffman can settle this?

  20. I bet this cop has a 20gb of kiddie porn on his computer.

  21. So if you see a face you like on the police website, can you be pretty sure it doesn’t belong to an undercover officer?

  22. Speaking of prostitution from a scientific standpoint, did anyone read the article in the NY Times a few weeks back about the behavioral scientist/economist who examined how lab monkeys behaved once the concept of “money” was introduced to them?

    He taught them to use grapes as a means of exchange. Well, once one of the male monkeys discovered the usefullness of grapes as a fungible asset, he traded fruit for sex with female monkeys.

    So, from a darwinian evolution standpoint, the oldest profession may be lot older than we think.

    But, not as old as the scam of organized religion, which is probably a much older form of screwing people for money ….

  23. I’m not sure what the point of this is, other than cops like that suck.

    There wouldn’t be “cops like that” if they followed Peel’s Nine Points.

    Sorry, my obsession:)

  24. Born Again,

    Thanks for putting this in a larger context. This really is just another form of “person of interest” isn’t it? And that particular tactic is even being exported now…to places like Aruba…

  25. But, not as old as the scam of organized religion, which is probably a much older form of screwing people for money…

    Truer words were never spoken.

  26. Dammit JMoore!! Why did you have to go and mention Aruba??!! Just when … Oh no, here they come!!! It’s Alan Colmes and Geraldo Rivera with the FOX News crew!!

    Ru!!!!!

    RUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  27. In regards to the monkey economics, I went ahead and did a quick look. Didn’t find the NYT article, but did find one that appears to be about the same thing.

    http://www.austinreview.com/archives/2005/06/simianomics.html

  28. Born Again —

    I’m sure monkeys have been trading fruit for sex for eons. The research discussed in that article introduced actual money into the equation — coins that could be used by the monkeys to buy grapes from a machine (for now I guess monkeys don’t trust “fiat currency” and insist on the Grape Standard). Thus it was that one of the researchers could claim to have witnessed the first act of true monkey prostitution in history, as opposed to traditional barter.

  29. I went to the Peoria PD site in hopes of scoping out pix of hot prostitutes (there aren’t any), and they do have this disclaimer above the photos in red:

    The following individuals are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.

    So that should be OK then. (wink wink) Although it begs the question of why the PD is posting photos of presumably innocent people.

  30. There was actually a post about that here

    Just goes to show, you can take the primate out of the jungle, but you can’t keep the primate from trading currency for sexual favors. Or something.

  31. I think it’s been well established that wild chimpanzees will trade meat for sex in some groups. Usually monkey meat.

    I don’t *think* they’re trying to be funny.

  32. So if a person whose picture is posted is later found Not Guilty, can he or she sue for defamation?

  33. “I think it’s been well established that wild chimpanzees will trade meat for sex in some groups. Usually monkey meat.”

    You know, I remember seeing something to that effect on PBS back in the early 80s (dating myself now) when I was in high school.

    I remember some granola-eating liberal primatologist (okay, I’m a granola eating libertarian) going on and on about how apes were so much more peaceful than man, blah blah blah.

    Well, this researcher was shocked when he recorded something to the effect of the first filmed and known case of chimpanzees intentionally killing for sport and the taste of meat (in this case it was a young baboon). He was SOOO shocked to find out that chimps not only ate meat, but ENJOYED beating the crap out of the young baboon and killing it.

    I remember laughing my ass off at his shock. There wasn’t any sex involved in this particular program, just a couple of male chimps saying, “what the hell, let’s kill a baboon!”

    The first … Orang-Bangers???

  34. I’ve just been reading up on Sir Robert Peel on wikipedia. I’d never heard of him until I saw Isaac’s post. (Apparently, he’s the reason London cops got the nickname “bobbies.”) This guy was amazing, especially when you consider the party he represented. We need a few thousand Bobbie Peels to run our police departments…and our Justice Dept. Thanks, Isaac.

  35. joe, am I safe in assuming Chief Settingsgaard isn’t engaging in the kind of “community policing” you advocate?

  36. Yes, Ruthless, that’s correct.

  37. So if a person whose picture is posted is later found Not Guilty, can he or she sue for defamation?
    I would guess this would be similar to when a newspaper prints the picture of a person arrested for a crime. If the person is found not guilty the newspaper lists the results of the trial but can’t be sued for defamation.

    Of course, does a police website have freedom of the press rights?

  38. Muchsarcasm–
    I thought that the newspapers got off the hook on the technicality that they are reporting NEWS, so if you are arrested for something then your arrest is indeed news, regardless of whether or not you were innocent. The cops shouldn’t have that escape valve, I’d think.

  39. Peoria’s Chief Wiggum: try a dinner and a movie.

    jc: You mean paying for companionship with a gift certificate instead of cash?

    This gun-toting preacher has given street walkers a loophole: meet the john at McDonald’s, ask him for fifty bucks for a Big Mac, and insist on keeping the change.

    But then Morgan Spurlock, who, in his own way, is every bit as sanctimonious as Settingsgaard, would have another reason to hate the Golden Arches.

  40. Born Again Iconoclast

    Jane Goodall documented the violence of chimps (to each other, not just to other species) way back. She was taken aback since she had formed some attachments to them. She resolved to observe and report the behaviour as objectively and dispassionately as possible.

    Now to return somewhat to topic.

    I wonder exactly when the police started to take such an interest in prostitution. I suspect that sometime in the Victorian era a few politicians (the “progressives” of various stripes were terrible self-righteous busybodies) got together and past the laws and thus imposed an obligation on the police to enforce them.

    It is my (completely speculative) contention that the decline of decent policing started when the police were made the guardians of “morals” rather than “law and order”. But I really don’t know the history well enough.

    JMoore

    I heard of one case of a Chief of Police who instituted a policy that if any of his officers verbally abused any member of the public he would be suspended for a week without pay. No warning, no second chances, outright suspension.

    The first case was a veteran officer who apparently cussed out an old lady. He instantly appealed to the police union who told the chief he should give a warning. The chief replied that he gave a warning when he announced the policy. He then said something to the effect that “I have 180 men on this force, I’m not going to sit by while 180 citizens are abused before I do something about it”. During his tenure crime dropped dramatically. Needless to say he was not popular with the Union.

    Sorry to run on but police abuse of power is a real sore point with me.

  41. I hereby accuse Police Chief Settingsgaard of consorting with prostitutes. Underage prostitutes. Underage ANIMAL prostitutes.

    Certainly there’s no evidence for this, but I accuse him nonetheless, and I want this accusation made public.

  42. I would guess this would be similar to when a newspaper prints the picture of a person arrested for a crime.

    If the newspaper reports it in a predjudicial way they can be sued for libel. Hence the disclaimer that “soandso was arrested for allegedly…”.

    I suppose the cops think the disclaimer on their website is sufficient to protect them. They’ve probably gotten legal advice on the matter so legally they’re probably on safe ground.

  43. How does this website constitute a use of force?

    All it’s doing is disseminating information to the public by identifying the participants in actions conducted in public. It’s not restricting people’s rights in any way.

    Don’t let your dislike of bad legislation prejudice your opinion about the chosen method of enforcement. I agree that prostitution should be legal, but given that it isn’t, this system would have to be the least invasive form of punishment possible.

    Frankly, I’d be thrilled if traffic offences were enforced in exactly the same way… simply publish a list of speeders’ names and how fast they were caught driving, and call it a day. Insurance companies could monitor the list and adjust individual’s policy premiums accordingly.

    Free markets are more efficient when information is more available.

  44. digamma: I hereby accuse Police Chief Settingsgaard of consorting with prostitutes. Underage prostitutes. Underage ANIMAL prostitutes.

    Yes, it’s true. He paid for sex with me. He appreciated it when I didn’t ask, “Is it in yet?” as any human female would.

  45. Madog,

    Yes, murder does happen among chimpanzees. I’ve watched such attacks on film. It tends to be premeditated and organized.

  46. I hereby accuse Police Chief Settingsgaard of consorting with prostitutes. Underage prostitutes. Underage ANIMAL prostitutes.

    Certainly there’s no evidence for this, but I accuse him nonetheless, and I want this accusation made public.

    Just FYI, you can find a nice 27K JPG photo of Steven M. Settingsgaard, chief of the Peoria Police Department and accused solicitor of underage animal prostitutes, at http://www.milwaukeepolice.org/settinggaard.JPG

    (Or at least I think you can. I did a Google iamge search and found it, but it currently downloads so slowly that my browser timed out before accessing it.)

    Should be on page http://www.milwaukeepolice.org/ biopages2.htm

    Note: The accusations of heinous acts leveled against Chief Settingsgaard are the most SPURIOUS things I’ve ever heard, and the evidence that such lewd, indecent, cross-species acts took place is CHIMERICAL IN THE EXTREME. I’m sure you share my outrage.

    PS: Speaking of slow-loading pages, I think the REASON server-squirrel just died again.

  47. “iamge” = “image”

  48. I am about to photoshop that picture to hell and back

  49. Russ R,

    How does this website constitute a use of force?

    It steals one’s privacy.

  50. As a side note — if I remember correctly — Peoria has a shitload of national religion right/fundamentalist groups. This may be the reason for the publicity stunt.

  51. I guess this answers the age-old question “will it play in Peoria?”

    sorry, but someone had to say it

  52. Hmmmm. Maybe Copwatch needs to start posting the photos, names and badge numbers of cops *accused* of abuse, harrassment and misconduct on the internet. What’s good for the goose, and all that….

  53. Try finding a decent woman whom you can love, cherish and respect and then make her your wife.
    Translation: Gay men are on their own in Peoria.

    If you are not willing to put in that kind of effort, try a dinner and a movie.
    And if you’re not willing to try dinner and a movie, have you considered roofies?

    What a tool. Hey, Chief Sarensagaardenhausenpfeiffer, or whatever the hell it is — can you hear me all the way back there in the Fifties?

  54. Holy Crap!

    50-something comments, and nobody has mentioned this:

    Housewife Charged in Sex-for-Security Scam

    AKRON, OH – Area resident Helen Crandall, 44, was arrested by Akron police Sunday, charged with conducting an elaborate “sex for security” scam in which she allegedly defrauded husband Russell Crandall out of nearly $230,000 in cash, food, clothing and housing over the past 19 years using periodic offers of sexual intercourse.

    “It’s the biggest scam of its kind I’ve ever seen,” Akron police chief Thomas Agee said. “We’re talking coats, dishwashers, jewelry, sewing machines, bathroom cleansers – you name it.”

    According to Agee, undercover agents spotted Crandall’s husband handing her $50 in cash at approximately 4 p.m., just 30 minutes after the two had sex. Crandall then drove off in her car, returning home two hours later with five bags of groceries.

    “That’s when we made the arrest,” Agee said. “After tracking her for years, we finally had proof that she was buying all those goods with dirty money.”

    During the arrest, Akron police officials entered the Crandall household and seized more than 150 items Mrs. Crandall had received from her husband over the last 19 years, including a four-speed adjustable food processor, 12 pairs of earrings, a matching sofa and loveseat, a box of two-ply kitchen garbage bags, and a portable radio.

    In exchange for these items, Agee said, Crandall’s husband received sex an estimated 950 times – most frequently in the master bedroom, but also in the downstairs den three times, and once on the floor of the sewing room.

    In addition to physical evidence, Akron police have collected considerable eyewitness testimony. More than 250 Akron residents have come forward to report seeing Helen and Russell Crandall together, and several said they witnessed Mr. Crandall flagrantly purchasing items for his wife.

    “Sure, they’d come in here,” said Ray Greene of Greene’s House and Home. “I think the last time they got one of those box fans with the three settings.”

    Perhaps the most damaging testimony has come from Mr. Crandall himself, who on Tuesday told police that while the couple was dating in 1977, Mrs. Crandall – then known as Helen Steuben – demanded that he buy her a ring worth over $1,000 before he could have sex with her. The first sexual liaison took place some six months later at Bob’s Honeymooner Hotel during an all-expenses-paid trip to Niagara Falls.

    It was also in 1977, Mr. Crandall said, that his wife quit her job at Shippee Shoes in downtown Akron.

    “Clearly,” Summit County prosecutor Andrew Dravecky said, “after quitting her job, the accused began receiving money under the table from some other source: How else could she have afforded to not work? It’s now pretty apparent that at that point she began supporting herself by providing a certain service to Mr. Crandall.”

    Crandall’s mother, Bernice Steuben, a resident of the Valley View Senior Home in Yuma, AZ, is being sought for questioning in connection to the case: Police suspect that Steuben may have introduced her daughter to the sex-for-security scam after having used it herself from 1932 to 1971.

    But for all the evidence collected against Crandall, Dravecky said the case will likely be difficult to prosecute. “Helen was very careful to cover her tracks,” he said. “She even got her husband to put her name on the bank accounts and credit cards.”

    The Crandall case is not an isolated incident, said criminologist John Ohlmeyer, who said there are “literally millions” of such cases across the U.S. each year that never come to court.

    “This kind of thing isn’t as uncommon as we’d all like to think,” Ohlmeyer said. “A woman finds herself in a situation where she isn’t employable. Or maybe she has interests like child-rearing, cooking and home-maintenance that keep her from getting a job. So what does she do? She cooks up a scheme to entrap a man using her body as the bait. It’s frightening, but it happens every day in this country.”

  55. If you ever spend any time on an internet forum where police officers post, you will often hear them whine about how criticism of a police officer for any wrong doing — eg beating a suspect and getting caught on videotape — is a violation of that officer’s right to be “innocent until proven guilty.”

  56. You know… that guy on the website, he really doesn’t look anything like me, I don’t care what the little woman thinks… and I am really… *really* feeling strong about the whole ‘innocent until proven guilty’ concept. She’s screaming infidelity this, and infidelity that… and what’s she got that I don’t have? I mean, it’s not me. It’s just someone who… who looks a bit like me. Maybe…

    Paul

  57. The shirtless, drunk guys you see on COPS have their faces blurred so the producers of COPS won’t have to pay them an appearance fee, not to ‘protect their reputation prior to being convicted’.

    Seriously.

    Here’s a better website for Outing assholes who wallow in the Public Trough better than anyone.

    http://www.whosarat.com/

  58. Remember that whole fiasco about the cop too intelligent to make it onto the police force? They worried about him being so intelligent he’d get bored. So the dumber the applicant, the lower the likelihood of boredom. And if you never get bored, eventually you wind up being promoted to Chief. We’re reading an open letter from possibly the dumbest cop in Peoria.

    I’d be interested in seeing how many local councilmen, state assemblymen, fellow police officers, and judges don’t appear on this list, and whether that coincides with a precipitous rise in the quality of life for various Peoria law enforcement officials. Just a thought.

  59. fyodor: “It steals one’s privacy.”

    And how, pray tell, can someone steal what has already been given away? Anything said or done in public is no longer a private matter, hence reporting it is fair game.

    One’s right to privacy extends as far as one’s property.

  60. Russ R,

    I wonder what the cops would do if people started accusing cops of certain improprieties and posted their pictures and badge numbers on a web site. If you gonna talk “free market”, you have to first understand that the police are anything but.

  61. Nobody Important,

    Whew! When I first read that post about Sex-for-Security, I did not notice that it was an Onion article (although I was suspecting it was, hopefully). I am relieved to know that that was indeed a fake news story – I don’t have a great back-up career plan if that ever became illegal.

  62. *kidding*

  63. Even if Peoria committed defamation by posting the pictures of falsely accused johns, they probably couldn’t be sued, due to sovereign immunity. There are exceptions, but I don’t believe that defamation is one of them.

    Now, you might be able to sue Chief Wiggums there, in his individual capacity, if you could assert a constitutional violation. But again, I doubt it would be successful.

  64. So, let me get this straight…

    Nobody likes laws against prostitution, and nobody likes it when the police enforce those laws. Fine.

    Everyone likes it when individuals are free to publish information on alleged offences committed by members of the police force, but nobody likes it when the police publish information on alleged offences of individuals? Isn’t this exactly what the police are supposed to be doing?

    Are they supposed to keep the identities of accused individuals a secret until after a conviction? If so, how? It’s effectively impossible to maintain a defendant’s anonymity througout the criminal justice process. Who among you wants to see arrests made without disclosure of allegations. “eg. Mr. Smith has been taken into custody, but we’re not saying why.”

    Come on people… I know you don’t like the law, but direct your outrage toward the lawmakers, not the police. They’re just doing their jobs, and in this particular case, they’re really not harming anyone. Displaying names and faces is a lot better than imposing fines or detentions.

  65. I wonder what the cops would do if people started accusing cops of certain improprieties and posted their pictures and badge numbers on a web site. If you gonna talk “free market”, you have to first understand that the police are anything but.

    Comment by: Russ D at July 14, 2005 09:15 AM

    http://policeabuse.org/

  66. Russ R,

    The problem isn’t cops trying to do their jobs, it’s the cops who try to be mullahs. Do you honestly think only legislators act that way?

    http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/oped/chi-0507140125jul14,1,1272714.column?coll=chi-news-hed&ctrack=1&cset=true

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