Please Fondle My Buttocks

Throw away that esperanto dictionary! If you want to speak the world language, all you need is the French Amazon bestseller Découvrez le globish. Act now and you can order it with a copy of Don't Speak English: Parlez Globish. Globish is the official language of the hyperpuissance, a souped up version of Newspeak where you speak a vastly simplified English vocabulary and the foreigners rip you off with no further misunderstandings. And it's not just for the French; with Globish you can pass partout. Sadly my high hopes for ending the malentendus with my inlaws where dashed when I realized that Globish still requires a 1,500-word English vocabulary; I'm not sure my inlaws know 1,500 words of Arabic, let alone English. And the official Globish site doesn't inspire confidence when it defines the new language as "English light." If we're really going simple, shouldn't that be "English lite?"

Explanatory article in English and Globish, and a simplifaid pranansiashan gaid that will leave you mor kunfyoozed than wen yu startid.