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Reader Christopher W. notes that NASA has ruined Russian astrologer Marina Bai's life, and she's not going to take it lying down. Claiming that the Deep Impact probe's collision with comet Tempel 1 this weekend "ruins the natural balance of forces in the universe," the seeress has sued the U.S. space agency for $300 million—the approximate cost of the program. The damages will go to cover her "moral sufferings."

Before you joke that she should have predicted this would happen, consider that Bai launched her suit back in April—irrefutable proof of extrasensory foresight. "The actions of NASA infringe upon my system of spiritual and life values, in particular on the values of every element of creation, upon the unacceptability of barbarically interfering with the natural life of the universe, and the violation of the natural balance of the Universe," Bai says in her suit.

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  1. I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

  2. Because, Obi-Wan, you silly little man, you thought that little Ani would restore balance to the force.

  3. I wonder how much they’ll settle for?

  4. Is this a hoax?

  5. Has NASA hired a porno writer to come up with names for their programs?

  6. I remember reading that back in ’69 some fundie Muslims were upset by the Moon landing, since the Moon is a sacred symbol to them, but even THEY didn’t try to sue NASA over it.

    Advice to Ms. Bai: when Muslim fundamentalists are less insane than you are, you really need to sit down, drink some vodka, and shut the hell up.

  7. this is obviously not a matter for civil court, and is clearly a criminal case. the question is whether or not NASA has violated the Natural Laws of the Universe. fortunately, it’s harder to prove guilt in Universal Criminal Court.

  8. Has NASA hired a porno writer to come up with names for their programs?

    I was watching some UniVision on July 4th — it seemed appropriate to watch Spanish TV to celebrate the birthday of this great nation of many peoples, plus Cristina was doing a show about women getting breast implants that ranged from the admirable to the ridiculous — and I found out that the probe’s name in Spanish is apparently “Profundo Impacto,” which sounds cooler.

  9. NASA will doom us all.

    For instance, WHAT IF the Voyager spacecraft comes back as some super-being bent on galactic destruction, and it will take a bald chick to stop it? Sounds silly? It could happen..

  10. Ruining “the natural balance of forces in the universe” is seriously beyond the scope of this project. I think NASA deserves increased funding for this kind of go-getter mentality.

  11. NASA Porn Names

    Star Thrust
    Eros One
    Anything with the word “Uranus.”

  12. Not to worry, MNG, the father from Seventh Heaven will join with it and save us all.

  13. damn’d russian objectivists

  14. More NASA porn…

    Orbital Insertion
    Low Orbit Rendezvous
    Deep Probe One
    Trojan Point Zero

  15. Trey, we forgot Re-Entry Volumes 1-9.

    And there should also be a kinky film about Docking Clamps.

  16. Asteroid Probe

    Black Hole Probe*

    Venereal** Vehicle

    *”Black Hole” does translate into Russian as a term for “anus” — so the Russkis call gravitationally hypercollapsed stellar objects “frozen stars” instead.

    Legitimate adjective form for “pertaining to Venus”

  17. “I wonder how much they’ll settle for?”

    I think they’ll settle for the hundreds of thousands of dollars of publicity they’ve gotten for the few hundred bucks it takes to file a suit like this.

    You can bet this wouldn’t be filed in any jurisdiction that has a loser-pays rule.

  18. Trans-Lunar Injection can sound pretty feelthy.

    Has Ms. Bai charted all the artificial objects in orbit around the Earth, or otherwise whizzing through the cosmos, in order to bring her ephemerides up to snuff? I would think that the ejecta from the Deep Impact strike is on the same order of effect. But then, we have no idea what force the astrologers think the planets, stars, etc. emit that acts on human beings. If it were gravity, we’d have to chart every object in our vicinities, as the gravitational effect of my computer is greater on me than that of Jupiter, given the way that gravity diminishes over distance.

    I worry that Ms. Bai might get this case in front of a jury. Given the mouthbreathers that the lawyers prefer to empanel, she might win!

    Kevin

  19. Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t astrologers still use a system based on the old and busted geocentric view of the cosmos?

  20. Some Celestial Drops should put everything right again.

  21. You are the weakest link, good Bai.

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