Hey, What about Radnabik—I mean Badnarik?

Rafsanjani, 70, a wily pragmatist who favours better ties with the United States, pointed out that Iran was fielding eight candidates for president -- a larger choice than American voters had at their polls in November.

"If the number of candidates is a proof of democracy, we are … better than the Americans in this regard," newspapers quoted Rafsanjani as telling Penn.

I keep reading that Sean Penn is covering the Iranian election for the San Francisco Chronicle, and hearing about the controversy the Oscar® winner generated when he warned a bunch of fanatics that chanting "Death to America" was not "productive." But I have yet to see Penn's byline in the Comical itself. Now back in the fifties, when the New Orleans Times-Picayune sent Penn's Fast Times costar Ray "Mr. Hand" Walston to Iran to cover the US-backed coup against Mohammed Mossadegh, actor/journalists knew how to meet a deadline! Anyway, if Penn's been filing, they must be sticking him in the Wine & Food section.

Comments

[MattXIV]

"think the message [Death to America!] goes to the American people and it is interpreted very literally"

So, the message is "Death to America," but not, you know, "Death to America" or anything like that.

[Twba]

Mr. Rafsanjani,

The good ol' USA is awash in choices. In November, we chose between a Yalie prick and a... Never mind.

[kevrob]

Gee, a quick look at Richard Winger's Ballot Access News yielded this FEC pdf document with the 2004 Presidential election results. 17 candidates are listed, along with NOTA and write-ins.

Kevin

[The Real Bill]

Democracy is good and all, but only because it's better than despotism. We should not make a fetish of democracy. Democracy is, at best, government of the mediocre, and at worst, mob rule. There is something better, it called a constitutional republic; especially one that enshrines in law the autonomy of the individual, and denies the masses any right to impose their petty desires upon the minority.

Spicoli in Iran! Duuuuuuuuuuude....

[Mr. Nice Guy]

Penn talking to his editor after another blown deadline:

"YOU DICK!!"

[Matt Furey]

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos

[Peter K.]

Why are you still talking about/ making references to the embarrassing campaign of Michael B.?

[crimethink]

Ray "Mr. Hand" Walston

Is that a Dark City reference? If it is, it's very apt, since Mr. Hand was the alien who took on the memories of a man and walked amongst them...

[Mike H.]

Why are you still talking about/ making references to the embarrassing campaign of Michael B.?

Other than Mikey B. wanting to turn prisoners into weakened couch potatoes, what was so embarrasing about ... Fuck. Never mind.

[jc]

A good measure of Liberty is the number of people who DON'T want to be President...

[Number 6]

I actually saw a picture of Penn "reporting" a week or so ago. He was crouching and writing in his Professional Reporter's Notebook(TM), while wearing an expensive looking suit. Someone should advise Penn that real print reporters don't dress well. At any gathering of media types, you can always recognize the print people?they're the ones dressed less well than the TV people, and slightly better than the photographers.

[drf]

"Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos"

no way... KANG all the way!!!!!

[Cgee]

MR. HAND: Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?

SPICOLI: Learning about Cuba. Having some food.

MR. HAND: Mr. Spicoli, you're on dangerous ground here. You're causing a major disturbance in my class and on my time.

SPICOLI: I've been thinking about this, Mr. Hand. If I'm here... and you're here... doesn't that make it our time? So I thought I'd order us a pizza. Just leave me a lot of bologna...

[sulla]

crimethink,

In case you haven't looked it up, Mr. Hand is the teacher in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. If only Sean Penn had quit acting at the zenith of his career. He's a modern-day Orson Wells, he is.

[Tim Cavanaugh]

For my money, Walston's Mr. Hand ranks right up there with John Vernon's Dean Wormer, Eddie Albert's Warden Hazen, and, soaring above them all, Ted Knight's Judge Elihu Smails in the pantheon of authority figure/stiffs who steal what are ostensibly rebellious slobs-vs-snobs comedies. There are 100 actors hanging around Hollywood who could have played Spicoli. Only one could have played Mr. Hand.

[Shawn Smith]

drf,

I thought Kodos (the Executioner) was human, running a human colony. Why would a Klingon be running for election on a human colony?

[Matt Furey]

You, sir, need to brush up on your Simpsons Haloween episodes

[dead_elvis]

"If I'm here, and you're here, doesn't that make it *our* time? And there's certainly nothing wrong with stoning an infidel on *our* time, is there?"

[Stretch]

If by "number of candidates" he means "number of candidates hand picked by the mullahs while denying everyone else a chance to run", then yes, Iranian democracy truly is wonderful.

[sulla]

Tim,

I meant that more as a jibe at Sir Penn's pretentions toward greatness, than a laud of Jeff Spicoli...

We can fix it!!

[thoreau]

The Iranian election bears no resemblance to ours.

In our election, we had some guy talk about blowing up the UN building but we all knew there was no way he would actually do it.

In Iran, whoever wins the election will be in a position to funnel money to guys who would like to blow up the UN building...as well as most of the rest of Manhattan.

So it's totally different.

[Tim Cavanaugh]

Sulla, I come to praise Walston, not to bury Penn-who, you are correct, reached his zenith back in old '82. Tom Carson had an interesting article last year puzzling out how Penn could have had audiences in stitches in that one movie, and then never, ever be the slightest bit funny in any other movie again. Carson's conclusion: Penn and Johnny Depp have split Brando's career down the middle. Penn remains the brooding, angst-ridden, uncomfortable method antihero, while Depp has gone straight to playing nothing but ironic and winking fat-Brando roles.

[Stevo Darkly]

Suggested headline:

Whoa! Tasty Waves of Democracy Sweeping Middle East! Hwuhuhuh!

[Todd Fletcher]

Walston was no slouch in My Favorite Martian either.

[Eric II]

In our election, we had some guy talk about blowing up the UN building but we all knew there was no way he would actually do it.

In Iran, whoever wins the election will be in a position to funnel money to guys who would like to blow up the UN building...as well as most of the rest of Manhattan.

That, and I don't think the guy in our election wanted to blow the place up with people inside of it - and even if he did, his lack of a driver's license would make fielding a car bomb difficult.

Anyway, though it probably won't result in major political reform occurring either way, Iran's election should act as an interesting weather vane regarding the sentiments of the Persian street. A victory for Moin would suggest that a majority of Iranians still have hope that the reform agenda espoused by Khatami can make some headway. A victory for Rafsanjani would suggest that they feel the reform movement is dead, and would rather cast their lot with a corrupt opportunist who, although clearly not a genuine reformer, is also no religious fanatic, and might have the connections and political savvy to make some changes to move the government's domestic and foreign policies in a more liberal direction.

In other words, this appears to an election between Gorbachev and Deng Xiaopeng, only with neither having any chance of controlling the primary reigns of power.

[Eric II]

Formatting error - second paragraph should also be italicized.

[thoreau]

his lack of a driver's license would make fielding a car bomb difficult

Good point!

Another clear difference between our election and the Iranian election is that in their election the really crazy candidates think women shouldn't have licenses to drive. Here, the really crazy candidate doesn't think anybody should have a license to drive!

(And yes, I know, Badnarik actually thinks everybody should be allowed to drive, yadda yadda. I'm just trying to have some fun here.)

I've decided that I'll make an exception to my opposition to foreign meddling: I would't be the least bit upset if Ayatollah Khamenei and the Guardian Council all had simultaneous accidents, courtesy of the CIA. kwais, any chance you could make this happen?

What happens next would be up to Khatami, the elected chamber of Parliament, and the people of Iran, of course.

[Eric II]

Another clear difference between our election and the Iranian election is that in their election the really crazy candidates think women shouldn't have licenses to drive.

I think you have Iran confused with Saudi Arabia here. Though the status of women's rights in Iran leaves much to be desired, women are allowed to drive, and the country even has a Danica Patrick of sorts.

By just about any standard, Iran, totalitarian theocracy though it may be, is a less oppressive place than its largest neighbor across the Gulf, at least for the locals. The only thing that can ethically justify the sharp difference in American policies towards the countries is the fact that if Iran witnessed a popular revolution, the resulting government would almost certainly be more moderate in its policies than the current one. Whereas if the House of Saud was to come tumbling down, the opposite would likely be true.

That said, Bush's "all stick, no carrot" approach to dealing with Iran, combined with the EU's "all carrot, no stick" policy, isn't doing much to bring political change.

[thoreau]

Eric-

Yeah, I know. I was mostly joking. Besides, I said "the really crazy candidate." I'm sure there must be some nutjob in Iran who thinks women shouldn't drive.

[thoreau]

Given that Iranian women are fairly liberated (all things considered), how much you wanna bet that "Girls Gone Wild" has a film crew ready to spring into action on the day that the Iranians do the inevitable and kill the Ayatollahs?

[Eric II]

Besides, I said "the really crazy candidate." I'm sure there must be some nutjob in Iran who thinks women shouldn't drive.

Aargh. I should've read more closely. I thought it was "should" rather than "shouldn't". Sorry about that.

[thoreau]

Eric-

No problem. Let's try this again 🙂

In the Iranian election, the really crazy candidate was the one who opposed drivers' licenses for women. In our election, OTOH, the really crazy candidate opposed drivers' licenses for anybody.