MTV Celebrates Earth Day

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Few things are more contemptible than rich celebs glorifying poverty. Read it and weep.

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  1. “Actress Drew Barrymore, who reportedly earns $15 million a film, told MTV viewers in one episode that after spending time in a primitive, electricity-free Chilean village, “I aspire to be like them more.” ”

    Then stay there, beeotch!

  2. Wouldn’t it be cool to have a reality show where rich celebs give up their “unnecessary” comforts and live a subsistence lifestyle for a year. No electricity or modern sanitation. Oh yeah, no access to medicine beyond what the locals can get.

    I’m sure you could shame a bunch of them into it, what with all the pious comments they’re making all the time.

  3. Ewww, like, oh mah god, they use, like, animal dung and stuff. That’s like, totally icky.

  4. Read it and weep? Only if you mean crying from laughing so hard.

  5. “”Like I leave the light on all the time in my house because I want to feel safe. I am so spoiled, I am — I am going to start conserving,” Barrymore insisted.”

    That’s all we need to do, folks. Be sure to turn off “the light”, and the Earth Mother will smile upon you.

    Oh yeah, and cover your walls in cow shit.

  6. Check out some of the links on the page. Hilarity ensues!

    Here’s one choice quote: “How I longed for a simple, dirt-floored, baby-friendly hut like that of a Yequana family”.

  7. I was raised in a simple, dirt-floored, baby-friendly hut, and it totally sucked ass.

  8. I think somebody should tell Health and Human Services about the threat that trees pose to the lives of infants.

  9. Sometimes Onion articles write themselves.

    Maybe Diaz should check out the “Earth friendly” poor folk of Mississippi and W. Virginia.

  10. I think we need to see more wonderful traditional, indigenous practices preserved.

    You know like female “circumcision”, slavery, random slaughter of “the others”….

  11. How about implying that “the other” engage in genital mutilation and slavery because they don’t live in the United States? Can we preserve that practice?

  12. I think we should drop the whole load of spoiled celebs on some unsuspecting 3rd world country. Let them fend for themselves.

    I think we would all be much better off without them.

    Out here.

  13. We in America need to return to our wonderful traditions.

    You know like, slavery, slaughtering indians, lynching blacks, malaria and yellow fever in our cities, children dying of diphtheria, paralyzed by polio…..what a paradise…..

  14. “I am going to go pound some mud, baby! Mmm,” Diaz said to the cameras. “It was the coolest thing to be a part of,” she added.

    If done properly, rammed earth construction techniques result in a very comfortable and energy efficient home.

  15. You’re right clueless celebrity. I’ve often insisted that if the Makah Indians can continue their “tradition” of killing a whale with a .50 caliber rifle, I should be able to continue my ancestors traditions. So I’m loading up the longboat and I’m coming to your town to slaughter, enslave and rape everyone. Then I will drink blood from their skulls. Because it’s what my ancestors did. Where do you live, is it near the water?

  16. Nothing says “baby-friendly” like “dirt floors.”

    What’s the infant mortality rate, you dumb cow?

  17. I’m confused.

    Somehow, dysentary and pooing in the woods are considered to be a good way to love the earth.

    But then, the EPA fines the local sanitary district for dumping waste into the lake.

    I guess Love Hurts.

  18. “My favorite thing about Bhutan is they measure their country’s wealth, not based on dollar amount but on gross national happiness,” -Cameron Diaz

    So I guess since the “gross national happines” of Bhutan is so much higher than the America’s we can assume that Diaz will be moving there shorty.

    “It’s kinda gotten out of hand how much convenience we think we need,” -Cameron Diaz

    WE need? I believe I’ll decide how much “convenience” I need.

    I thought Drew Barrymore was the most clueless and idiotic celeb I’d ever heard open her mouth. But Diaz is giving her a run for her money.

  19. Ugh. Should read:

    So I guess since the “gross national happiness” of Bhutan is so much higher than America’s we can assume that Diaz will be moving there shorty.

  20. If you ignore the fact that emissions have different effects at different intensities, Happy Jack’s post makes perfect sense.

    100 villiages squatting down in a ten square mile area, a city of 100,000 discharging its wastewater through two pipes into a river – pretty much the same thing.

  21. Michael Crichton’s comments to the Commonwealth Club seem especially appropriate here:

    http://www.crichton-official.com/speeches/speeches_quote05.html

  22. “Mom? If you were in a Chilean Scheisse video, you… you’d tell me, wouldn’t you?”

  23. Yes joe, but the celebs appear to be envisioning a city of 100,000 people squatting down to take a dump in a 3-square mile area. To accomodate a population the size of LA, you’ll need a hell of a lot more suburban spawl than LA already has to get everyone living in rammed-earth houses and shitting outside while also keeping disease down.

  24. joe,

    I agree that, in general, the harm depends on the intensity of use. Should we apply the same logic to the Sierra Club’s claim that even 1 acre of ANWF land drilled is an environmental apocalypse, or should we make up a new rule for that one?

  25. I guess the celebs didn’t see the same video I saw in junior high, which showed how the Nepalese were facing environmental disaster due to traditional wood gathering and resultant erosion.

    I went to Cancun a few years back, and on the ride back from Chichen Itzen the bus made a point of driving through an “authentic” village, where the people are descendent from the Mayans. I felt sorry for them, not for the squalid condition of their village, but for having to see a bus full of gawkers drive by every day. It was degrading.

  26. From ‘The Culture Cult’
    http://www.culturecult.com/culturecult/bohemia.htm

    “bohemian primitivism is more in the mind…even if one takes the trouble to visit such places, one is still only a tourist who stays briefly…before returning to the safety of a waiting metropolis with hot baths and digestible food.

    True Arabs find Englishmen galloping about on camels incomprehensible. True Masai know only that if they stand around long enough with their spears they will be paid. Ordinary Nepalese are scandalised by hippies. In the good old days, in New Zealand, if these drop-outs from civilization had dropped in on the Maori they would have quickly been killed and eaten.”

  27. I am weeping…with laughter. It must be parody, right? I’m going acquire copies of these shows, and store them alongside the Marx Brothers films. Heavenly to contemplate what Groucho and his kin would have made of this stuff.

    Yet…if true…then not so funny. Millions suffer, not because of vicious, intentionally criminal acts, but because of nonsense in the heads of those with every opportunity to know better.

    I take some solace from that last thought by concluding that if some of the serious environmental groups are supporting these shows, their days are numbered…

  28. Alright Barrymore and Diaz now I know why what I usually hear you say is written by other people. Why don’t you and the rest of the celebrities keep you opinions to yourself and do what you do best, stand there and look pretty.

  29. Anybody see Barbet Schroeder’s ‘Le Vallee’? I’m reminded of the scene near the end when the hippy guy who’s failed to lose the stink of civilization says something like, “You can’t unbite the apple.” The truth of that statement took many years to sink in…

    Also, I love it when people who make more money for six weeks of work than I will probably ever see in my lifetime decide that I have it ‘too convenient’. Yeah, I’m sure if I had maids, drivers, cooks, etc. too, then that might be applicable. Sorry, but I have to crank open my cans with a hand can opener, and this summer I am determined to get an electric one… 🙂

  30. Kathmandu, the capital of Nepal has an estimated population of 1.09 million. Their environmental friendly sanitation “infustructure” drains directly into the water table & local rivers & streams. I’ve seen it first hand, it’s fucking disgusting. Their water “infustructure” provides Kathmandu residents with 2-3 hours a week when water contaminated with fecal mater will flow from their taps. This in a country with one of the largest natural supply of fresh water in the world (second only to Brazil). But it’s environmentally friendly.

  31. Not to be too crass, but the only good thing to come out of these womens’ mouths is “lovin’ leavings”. Sorry to say that about your mom DBS; I guess being married into the porn industry has kind of warped my fragile little mind.

  32. I think I’m going to Katmandu
    that’s where my dysentary’s gonna brew
    if i ever get out of here
    that’s where I’m gonna poo.
    I got no shit for the west coast
    Drew and Cameron are such good hosts
    I raise my cheeks and give ’em a toast
    I’m sure they like my poo
    That’s why I’m going to Katmandu.

  33. HJ-

    Dude, that was beautiful..

  34. Happy Jack — The one time every 10 years i hear that song on the radio, those are the exact same words I sing over it. Except i change it to Krapmandu.

  35. That is some funny shit, Happy Jack.

  36. Ohh…that’s why Jim Carey broke up with you, Cam!

    Tim, that’s what I kept thinking. That article is a green border away from being something on The Onion.

  37. Ewww, like, oh mah god, they use, like, animal dung and stuff. That’s like, totally icky.

    The burning of wood and dung, whether for heating, cooking, or agriculture, is the single greatest source of atmospheric CO2 produced by human beings.

    Amusingly ironic, no?

  38. Yeah Dan, but — omigod — that’s like natural CO2. It’s totally in touch with nature. I think you need to love the planet more, Dan.

  39. High infant mortality, short lifespan and abject poverty are all more than reasonable tradeoffs for environmentaly friendly society. Anyway more babies that grow up and live longer means more damage to mother earth. You can all go pound mud.

  40. Tim

    There actually was an Onion point-counterpoint similar to this a few years ago about Nigeria – Nigeria may be poor, but it is rich in culture vs. Get me out of this godforsaken hellhole. I’m not sure if they ever reprinted it in one of their books, but it was funny.

  41. You can all go pound mud.

    I’d rather poo in the woods, but the forecast is calling for snow.

    I think there’s a reason why they always head to the warm climes of the rainforest.

  42. To celebrate Earth Day 2005 TWC fired up his politically incorrect 500 inch Chrysler Vee-Eight. The one with Two (count ’em) Holley dual-feed carbs glistening on top of that polished aluminum tunnel ram feeding 2 and 3/4 inch intake valves with a fat Clay Smith cam that makes the engine lope like a funny car. It sucks gas like a freight train pulling the Grapevine, too.

    You can see a picture at winecommonsewer.com

  43. Yeah, I used to “poo in the woods”…….when I was camping!
    I hope she brought a shovel to bury that turd. It’s the environmentally friendly thing to do you know.
    It’s funny, everytime I have ever had to crap in the woods I wished I was sitting on a toilet. Not for Drew though, she really liked it.

  44. Unfortunately, this is for real: http://www.mtv.com/onair/dyn/trippin/series.jhtml

    That article sounded too ludicrous to be real. But now I feel the need to douse myself in alcohol, since the world has truly gone completely barmy.

  45. I can’t believe nobody’s linked to William Shatner’s cover of Pulp’s Common People.

    Somebody needs to take Cameron and Drew and blast this song at them a la Noriega in ’90. Not that it’ll help, but it might give the rest of us some satisfaction.

    joe, the health effects of small villages pooing in the woods are little different from contamination of water supplies with tons of wastewater in the US. Cholera really doesn’t care, as long as it’s untreated and allowed to get back into the next host.

  46. Samdy — great link, thanks! I am a big fan of Shatner’s musical career, as all right-thinking people should be.

  47. “High infant mortality, short lifespan and abject poverty are all more than reasonable tradeoffs for environmentaly friendly society. Anyway more babies that grow up and live longer means more damage to mother earth.”

    Those are not the “tradeoffs” of an environmentally friendly society. More often than not they are the result of, and the cause of more environmental problems. Environmentalism is historically an elitist philosophy. You can’t worry about preserving biodiversity when you are trying to support a family of 8+ children. The high birth rate has its own cultural explanations only exacerbated by the abject environmental conditions. I mean high infant mortality increases the birthrate, because you have to keep poppin’ em’ out once they keel over to keep daddy happy.

  48. these people live the way they do is because they have no choice. they use what they have. the only reason they are more “in touch with the environment” is because they are directly dependent on it for survival (I mean we all are, but it’s hard to remind yourself of that when you buy food at the grocery store) Still, some of the knowledge these people have adapted to suit their living conditions (like poo smearing and mud pounding) is applicable, when applied appropriately in a holistic management approach. They can repair communities destroyed by poverty:

    http://www.gaia.org.ar/english/index.html

  49. nobody–

    That Crichton speech you linked to at

    http://www.crichton-official.com/speeches/speeches_quote05.html

    is one of the best things I’ve ever read on the californication of environmentalism.

    Never read any Crichton, but I will now.

    Cheers

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