What the Funk?

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From freevibe.com, the government-sponsored Web site that tries to be cool while lecturing kids about the evils of drugs:

You want the Funk? We've got the Funk! This ringtone will get you in the groove and remind you where to go to get the facts on drugs. And remember, you have the power to stop your friends from using drugs or alcohol. That's right–your cell phone is a powerful way to help start a conversation with a friend who might be using drugs.

The ringtone consists of what sounds like music from a '70s porn movie overlayed by a self-consciously hip announcer who manages to make you want to smack him just by intoning the four syllables "free-vibe-dot-com." How could that possibly "help start a conversation with a friend who might be using drugs"? Here's one scenario:

Friend: "Dude, your ringtone is way cool."

You: "Are you high?"

[Thanks to John Chase and Allen St. Pierre for the link.]

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  1. Wow. Why don’t they just use a siren tone. Nothing like a good warning when a narc’s around.

  2. If you want to be real cool, set your ringer to “Happy 420” today. Happy 420 H&R, now lets celebrate cerebral liberty!

  3. This is our unbreakable secret weapon in the war for minds: authority-figure finger-wagging will NEVER be cool. No matter how they dress it up, absolutely never.

  4. Is there anything more embarrassing than a middle-aged Puritan trying to be teenage cool?

  5. Under the “Step Up” section of the Freevibe:

    “Send this page to your friends so your whole crew can download a Freevibe ringtone and support each other to stay drug-free with every call.”

    Holy urban slang, Batman!

    I guess the ‘gubment took it’s viral marketing campaign cue from The Gap. Here’s to hoping the person who wrote the page hears the words “you little shit” in his head when he looks in the mirror every morning.

  6. Gosh, that’s really…hep…

  7. In the immortal words of the Brothers Johnson: Get the Funk outta my face!

  8. That’s really comical. The best part is I get to pay taxes so that my guardians can think this stuff up.

    Ha, ha, ha …

    Oh, wait. That’s actually not very funnay at all.

  9. Groovy. Right on. Dig it.

  10. On march 22 I blogged about this freevibe site. Here is the link. But I cut and paste the text of my post here, for conveinence,
    seeing as it seems applicable and because some might find it interesting.

    The Anti-Anti-Drug

    I got an spammy kind of newsletter email today that posed the lurid question, “is your friend on drugs?” Being masochistic, I clicked the link. (I just can’t seem to look away as America transforms itself into a fecal-spattered retard.)

    I ended up at “Freevibe.com.” It’s one of those great examples of doublespeak that pervade this dark moment in history. Somebody evil said “hey! let’s co-opt the language of counterculture and use it to more effectively propogate lies and fear! We’ll call our propoganda site freevibe.com.”

    Anyways, I posted the following to their message board. Of course it didn’t immediately appear, which tells me that they moderate every post. That says it all doesn’t it? That’s how wretched these slime are. That’s how fearful they are of truth.

    The point is, I want to encourage others to post to these anti-drug sites. Email them. Leave notes in guestbooks. Blanket the internet, ideally, in the truth. Compose your own, or feel free to use mine. You are welcome to sign your own name to. And of course adjust the site name from freevibe as appropriate:

    I encourage any who visits this site (ed. note: this site=freevibe) to think critically about the disinformation propagated by it. The reality is that smart people often choose to take drugs regularly for years, and do so while living healthy, happy lives. The greatest disservice that one citizen can do to another is to lie to him in the name of his health. Evils are almost always committed while the perpetrator says “it’s for your own good.” The demonization of drugs is the demonization of drug users, and is just such an evil.


    Make your own choices. Own your own responsibility. Drugs neither undermine a man’s pursuit of greatness, nor relieve him of his responsibility to aspire towards it. There are three great truths: Love, Art, and Liberty. If you do drugs, do them in the service of these truths. If you don’t, then please aspire to serve these truths nonetheless. “Freevibe” is an affront to liberty, an artistic catastrophe, and an unholy caricature of love.

    Respectfully,
    mr strauss
    http://www.popgoeslethal.com

    Truth. The anti-anti-drug.

  11. Happy 4/20 everybody!

  12. I accidently heard the ring tone and now I don’t want to do drugs! I’m cured! I wish they had a ring tone to keep me from drinking and smoking! Not doing drugs is cool!

  13. I was at that freevibe site the other day, cruel.com linked to it, they have these flash animations that let you choose whether you want to accept a joint or not, of course I chose to smoke first and…well I won’t spoil it, but you can probably guess what happens
    http://www.freevibe.com/Drug_Facts/scenarios.asp

  14. Kids have enough trouble making good choices without being lied to by our policy makers.

    These cats get over One BILLION dollars a year in taxpayer money to promote these lies.

    That’s why those of us in drug policy reform get a good laugh when George Soros or Peter Lewis donate a few million to reform and then we’re accused of trying to sway the public with ‘huge financial resources’.

  15. Those flash animations have forced me to confront the truth. Pot is so NOT, man. Just because.

    Oh yeah, if you do it, you might get caught! Your parents may walk in when you take your first puff, and then send you to rehab! Or the cops may show up at your door. That would be so whack, kewl. Don’t do it! Just because! A’ight?

    Everything is so much clearer now.

  16. I don’t drink, smoke or take drugs. But when I see the kind of crap that is posted on drug propaganda sites like Freevibe, it makes me want to go and smoke a joint just to spite whatever bureaucrat thought that they should spend tax money on that kind of absolute BS.

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