Drugs, Not Hugs, of Abuse

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The always-enlightening Mr. Sun has a great post up about the Drug Enforcement Administration's answer to the semi-pornographic Abercrombie & Fitch catalog.

The DEA publication is called Drugs of Abuse and it's filled with more glorious shots of dope and sexually suggestive drug parties than a century's worth of High Times.

It must be seen to be believed. As Mr. Sun puts it:

The 2005 edition of Drugs of Abuse is out—a DEA magazine that "delivers clear, scientific information about drugs in a factual, straightforward way, combined with scores of precise photographs shot to scale." There is some truly whack stuff here. I must say that, for me, the primary impact of the magazine was to make me want to do drugs. I'm as straight as an arrow, but after looking at this DEA publication I simply can't wait to start cramming psychoactive substances down my pill hole.

Mr. Sun's explication de texte here.

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  1. Look at the picture on the steroid heading. That’s their example of how steroids are bad? It make me ask “What do I have to shoot where to be built like that guy?”.

    Show Lyle Alzado near the end if you want scare people.

  2. What the hell are you talking about? Are you counting on people not actually following the link? There was not a single “sexually suggestive” picture in the entire magazine.

    Your entire post seems utterly divorced from reality.

  3. Ecstacy is often purchased at “rave” parties advertised by colorful posters!

    Uh. Did I wake up in 1992? (checks the calendar . . . alas, no).

    Pot is often purchased at “be-in” parties advertised by colorful posters!

  4. I dunno, the drug-dealin’ chickies on p. 9 were workable… Those aren’t the ones they show on the news.

  5. Bwa ha ha! Oh man, my favorite so far is the picture of “crack” pipes which, for reasons far to tedious to list here, are not suitable to smoking crack. (They’re designed specifically for pot). Also there’s a personal connection as I own that very model.

  6. so the steroids guy could hit at least 70 homeruns in a season without using a bat, right?

  7. Heh. Indeed.

    The clowns at the DEA are rank amateurs. They need to get out of D.C. more.

    Here in Ohio, law enforcement is a little more creative. They’ve come up with a way to deal with the menace of strip clubs in a novel manner, identity theft.

  8. Calm down there ABC,

    Why don’t you address “Mr. Sun!” – who actually wrote the critique?

  9. David sayeth, Look at the picture on the steroid heading. That’s their example of how steroids are bad? It make me ask “What do I have to shoot where to be built like that guy?”.

    Show Lyle Alzado near the end if you want scare people.”

    The funny thing is, that guy doesn’t even look like he ‘roids. Looks like he maybe lifts 5 or 6 days a week. Christ, you’d think that the twats making this pamphlet might have at least looked at a recent issue of “Flex”, and put one of those vein-popping freaks in their propaganda rag. Perhaps, even a picture of Ahnold in his old age? Remember, from that Hit & Run post a couple weeks back?

    I agree with ABC…where the fuck are the “sexually suggestive drug parties”? Hey, Nick, you screwed up big time, jefe. Next time, it might help if you actually look at the document you’re describing before attempting to describe it. Oopsie!!

  10. Ironchef sayeth, “Why don’t you address “Mr. Sun!” – who actually wrote the critique?”

    However, the following words were published by Mr. Nick Gillespie, at the top of this page, not by Mr. Sun:

    “The DEA publication is called Drugs of Abuse and it’s filled with more glorious shots of dope and sexually suggestive drug parties than a century’s worth of High Times.”

    However, if you look at what Mr. Sun said about it, he took 3 images out of 83 pages of propaganda, and focused on them. The first was 3 girls getting high together. Sexually suggestive drug party? If 3 males had been getting high together, would Mr. Sun have said the same? Ahem, some of us graduated from grade school, and for us, at least, the mere presence of “girls” does not equal “sexually suggestive”.

    The second picture was an illustrated label from an opium-based syrup from long, long ago, and shows a young child with his hand on his mother’s breast. OOOOOOH! That’s one “sexually suggestive drug party” that I’d love to attend! Again, I graduated from grade school, and can look at things like this without giggling like a horndog teen.

    The third picture was a girl selling a boy some drugs in front of their locker at school. Mr Sun, again in full-on high-school mode, says, “Again, more boobie-touching or, in this case, near boobie-touching. Don’t you understand, I want to be that dude in the red hat — he’s going to score with that chick after school as soon as she puts away that freakishly huge notebook.” It seems that Mr. Sun, perhaps, is at least subconsciously aware of his comically contrived reference to sex.

    It seems quite obvious that Nick did a quickie scroll-wheelie gloss-over of Mr. Sun’s childish post, and failed to verify these claims of sexual suggestiveness. Instead, he exaggerated it even more, saying that it had “more glorious shots of dope and sexually suggestive drug parties than a century’s worth of High Times”, a patently false assertion, even worse than Mr. Sun’s.

    And, to top it all off with a sprinkle of irony, after he fails to actual look at the document in question, he says, “It must be seen to be believed”. Yes, Nick, it must be seen to be believed…and now that I’ve actually seen it, I don’t believe it.

    Shoddy blogging!!!

  11. “Again, I graduated from grade school, and can look at things like this without giggling like a horndog teen.”

    man, i wish i’d gone to your grade school…that picture made me cry.

    “hey mom, now that we’re all sedated nicely, how abouts a toot on the old milk horn?”

  12. Yea, I used to own that “crack pipe” model as well and it was never used for that purpose nor was it designed for that purpose. Also, the so-called “rave” posters are from 1998. Great advice for today’s parents! I suppose they’re still looking for the raves that took place in 2000, huh?

  13. does the guy with the red hat buying lsd look to be approximately 35?

  14. After briefly skimming the document, it looks to me like the DEA is too dumb, or honest, not to undermine its own case. As each drug is introduced, there is a brief summary of its history and cultural context, usually combined with some statement of it’s beneficial effects when used in moderation. After reading the DEA’s own pamphlet, I’m left scratching my head wondering why they ban these things when BY THEIR OWN ADMISSION some of these things have beneficial effects when used in a responsible manner.

  15. Passing off people in their 30s as high school kids is a time-honored tradition, going back to 91210, Happy Days, etc. Kind of like the weird habit Hollywood had up until the 50s of hiring white guys to play asian guys, and hispanics to play indians.

  16. And, I meant to add, they themselves point out that some of these banned substances have been used for centuries.

  17. Caption from the image of the 3 chicks:
    “The cash profits (top) from illicit drug sales (bottom) help fund a wide variety of drug-related activities and violent crimes.”

    So drug dealers sell drugs so they can engage in violent crimes? I thought drug dealers engaged in violent crimes so they could sell drugs.

  18. dead_elvis – I was thinking the exact same thing.

    So it’s been used for centuries, has great benefits when used in moderation, but it is evil! WTF?
    Here’s a great example: “For centuries, khat, the fresh young leaves of the Catha edulis shrub, has been consumed where the plant is cultivated, primarily East Africa and the Arabian Peninsula. There, chewing khat predates the use of coffee and is used in a similar social context. Chewed in moderation, khat alleviates fatigue and reduces appetite.”

    And this is supposed to be evil somehow? This is the worst thing they can say about it: “Compulsive use may result in manic behavior with grandiose delusions or in a paranoid type of illness, sometimes accompanied by hallucinations.” Compulsive use? Yeah, everyone’s going to use it compulsively.

    And, for the record, I’ve never even heard of that stuff, and I’ve been around when it comes to drugs.

    Fucking evil, lying, bastards!

  19. Lowdog, do yourself a favor and don’t ask any fucking questions. Your “facts” are no match for our blind agenda and massive propaganda machine. All one needs to remember is what Mr. Mackey has to say on the issue: Drugs are bad, mmmmkay?

  20. Happy Jack,

    That’s really messed up.

    Over here in Oregon, the State Surpreme Court has reaffirmed quite a few times a constitutional right to dance. (In whatever state of undress one chooses.)

    Therefore, Portland has a strip club on every corner. (I think it’s the highest per-capita in the nation.) And no vice cops. Going to triple-x theaters isn’t for the faint of heart.

  21. Drug Enforcement Agency,

    The poster named “Warren” is an admitted owner of drug paraphernalia. When do I get my fifty bucks for the tip?

  22. I don’t get that identity theft business. They said this Szuhay girl was recruited by the cops to do this undercover thing (which I’m still not sure what the purpose was) and then they write charge her with two different crimes? How does that work?

    And Mr DEA: m’kay.

  23. Lowdog,

    The moral is, don’t work with cops. They’ll turn on you.

  24. She must’ve had second thoughts about the morality of her “job” with drug cops.

    Imagine making friends with people for the sole purpose of betraying them.

  25. kmw – I know only too well that that’s the case.

    Sam – I can’t, really. Because it’s messed up. And I’m totally against that kinda crap.

  26. kmw:

    The only point of my link is to keep things in perspective. If they’re going to spend my money, I’d prefer a glossy, useless mag, to screwing with my SS#.

    It’s actually a step up from what was produced in the 60’s and 70’s. I’ll take the babes (probably seniors!) over the Peter Maxx inspired gruel they use to serve up in grade school.

    As for the stripper, you’re correct, serves her right. But the glee and lack of remorse by the D.A. is enough to give anyone the willies.

  27. If you google her name you’ll find a video of her gushing about the virtues of being an intern for the U.S. Marshalls. I wonder if the charges will have effectively destroyed her prospective career. Not that she doesn’t deserve it, but it’s a rotten thing for the police to hang the person they duped into this inane operation.

    And for what? Another moral crusade. Someone important must not have liked the strip club, therefore technicalities had to be found to close it.

    Sorry to have drifted so far off topic, but why would the police need to steal a person’s identity? Couldn’t they have just had a bunch of fake identities made up?

  28. Where’s the videos of her dancing at the strip club? 😉

  29. Ayuh, the pipes shown for ‘crack’ use are of course simple pot pipes.

    I’ve spent way more time than I’d like to admit (none since 1995) sucking on the old Glass Dick and I will echo earlier comments stating that pot pipes are ill-equipped to smoke crack.

    You just need to hit the hardware store for a crack pipe, aka a simple metal tube for about $2.

    Don’t forget the ChoreBoy.

  30. LIMERICK TO EVAN WILLIAMS

    by Mr. Sun

    Evan Williams is righteous, indeed!
    Deconstructing some fun with a screed.
    Just like Onan, he flogs it.
    Whips it out, and then blogs it.
    In both cases, it’s wasting one’s seed.

  31. That was drop dead hilarious. The prescription pill section alone helped me identify and quickly pop several mystery caps that had been lying about my apartment. Thanks DEA!

    Abercrombie and Fitch didn’t come to mind as much as L.L. Bean. If only for the color coordination. *shrug*

  32. Mista Sun:

    Given how much the Reason crew likes to call foul on “MSM”-ers and other journalists who, um, make shit up, it seems only apt to call the Reason crew out when they, um, make shit up. Your cute little limerick notwithstanding, calling writers on their bullshitting, whether it’s MSM-ers or bloggers, is not a waste of “seed”, as you put it.

  33. This has to be the most passive-aggressive propoganda document I’ve ever seen. For example:

    “Prior to the advent of synthetic fibers, the cannabis plant was cultivated for the tough fiber of its stem.”

    mmmkay… What I’m reading here is that cannabis was a viable commercial crop at one point of time, but gee wiz, NOT ANY MORE! Nooooooo, we got the MIRACLE OF MODERN CHEMICALS! Cultivating and utilizing natural components for production is soooooo 1910!

    “In the United States, cannabis is legitimately grown only for scientific research.”

    Yeah, it doesn’t take an act of God for a scientist to be granted “permission”. And their results aren’t strong-armed towards a pre-determined outcome. Nope.

    ..shooting fish in a barrell.

  34. Ahem, some of us graduated from grade school, and for us, at least, the mere presence of “girls” does not equal “sexually suggestive”

    But the rest of us, sir, are true libertarians.

    Again, I graduated from grade school, and can look at things like this without giggling like a horndog teen.

    Turn in your decoder ring. Maybe the Democrats will have you, Mr. I-Have-a-Mature-Attitude-About-Sex. I’ll bet you’re even getting laid regularly — you traitor bastard.

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