Every Man His Own Defector

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Planting informants is one way to catch drug-toting teens when they least expect it, but administrators at Georgia's Model High School have decided to look no further than their own student body for potential squealers. Hell, they'll even pay for it using a sliding scale of snitching opportunity:

Under the new policy, a student would receive $10 for information about a theft on campus, $25 or $50 for information about drug possession, and $100 for information about gun possession or other serious felonies.

"It's not that we feel there are any problems here," said Principal Glenn White. "It's a proactive move for getting information that will help deter any sort of illegal activity."

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  1. Wow! Can you imagine how much money you could make by planting a bunch of joints on other students and then ratting them out! Something for the young entreprenuer to get them started.

    For that matter, you could just plant drugs on just about everyone and then watch the whole plan just collapse under its own stupidity.

  2. Hey well then I wanna turn in Billy Man.

  3. Better yet: Fill an empty Windex spray bottle with a tincture of marajuana. Spray on selected students’ and teachers’ lockers. Watch sniffy-the-dog go crazy!

  4. Even better yet, plant the pot in the principal’s office and rat him out directly to the cops. I imagine that would be sufficient to shut the program down immediately.

  5. Hey, there’s no harm in introducing them to the fuzzy math of the criminal justice system early. I mean, prison sentences for drug posession are at least 2.5 to 5 times as long as those for grand larceny, so…

  6. Like those virgin jello shots from a few months back, just roll a bunch of parsley or chive joints and plant them. Thats all it takes in this fucked up world, anymore.

  7. And let’s not forget the bags of dirt and flowers. Those ought to be worth at least $2 apiece. Just make sure you don’t get paid in $2 bills…

  8. Get ’em while they’re young! No better time to inculcate people with a sense of responsibility to rat out their friends to the state.

  9. It is a sad commentary on our society that ratting out the victimless crime of drug possesion is rewarded with a bounty 5 times greater than that of stealing someone else’s property.

  10. Information about a theft on campus – $10
    Information about drug possession – $25 – $50
    Information about gun possession or other serious felonies – $100
    Information about what rat told the principal about your stash so you can whup his butt ? Priceless

    There are some things that money can buy, for everything else, there?s vigilante justice.

  11. Oh, Mo! : )

  12. What strikes me is that they are so cheap. I’m pretty sure our local anonymous-tip hotline pays better.

  13. Great one Mo!

    I was going to write something about the first kid to get killed by ratting on someone else but you said it better.

    I don’t believe that I’ve met a person who isn’t a habitual criminal at some level(ie. speeding on over 1000 occasions in their life, smoked weed on numerous occasions, lied for a minor financial gain,…). There are reasons people don’t turn in others for this type of behavior 1)Karma – What goes around comes around. If you turn in someone else for a relatively minor transgression someone else will(at least) do the same to you. 2)It’s taken as a worse moral wrong to rat on something minor than it is to commit the transgression itself.

  14. I pretty much agree, Drew, but bringing guns to school isn’t really a minor transgression, is it?

  15. This just reminds me of a stupid story from high school a couple years back. I went to a Catholic high school in New Orleans (Catholic meant it was fairly strict; New Orleans meant the students were fairly debauched, especially over Mardi Gras). Apparently one year one of the students devoted his Mardi Gras vacation to photographing other students participating in illicit activities (drinking, drugs, etc.–mostly the drinking, I believe). At the end of the vacation he submitted all the photos to the administration, and got a whole bunch of kids in trouble.

  16. Sorry, don’t have time for a comment…I’m filling up my Windex bottle and I’m headed out to the nearest donut shop for some covert parking lot fun.

    PS: I can’t say for SURE, since it would be encouraging something BAD, but I’ve HEARD that for anyone who can get a LEAP bumper sticker onto the back of a police car and then snap a digital photo, modest bounties can be had…..

    (Law Enforcement Against Prohibition) http://leap.cc/tbay

    The bumper sticker has a big gold LEAP police badge with the words, SAVE THE CHILDREN – LEGALIZE DRUGS

  17. I pretty much agree, Drew, but bringing guns to school isn’t really a minor transgression, is it?

    Weapon posession is only an issue if you use the weapon to injure or intimidate others. IMHO.

  18. Bill, at my high school in a small Texas town, any number of kids brought guns to school every single day. In their pickup gun racks.

    We never had a single shooting, or even anything worse than an occasional fistfight.

    So I would say, yeah, bringing guns to school isn’t even a transgression in my book, because merely bringing a gun to school is completely harmless.

    Using a gun at school, now, that’s a different story.

  19. I’m most offended that the reward for someone holding is higher than for info about theft on campus.

    WTF is that all about?? Surely theft is bigger problem then possesion? (What if the theft is to raise money to posses?? Can you get multiple payouts ?)

  20. R C Dean,

    I assumed we were talking about concealed handguns. (I don’t like concealed weapons. They’re just not manly or honest.) Rifles in gun racks are okay in my book. Those boys probably had hunter’s safety, just like me. I’d bet that twelve-year-olds who go through hunter’s safety are a pretty gun-safe lot. It’s the kids that don’t grow up around a healthy gun culture that cause all the trouble. If I ever mishandled a gun, my father, uncles, and grandfathers would have beat my ass into the ground–as it should be.

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