Blood on the Dance Floor

The Neverland Ranch is not filled with starving people and is not known to have nuclear ambitions; and no one in North Korea has been accused of molesting Macauley Culkin. Other than that, I'm having a hard time distinguishing the tales people tell about Michael Jackson from the stories you hear about Kim Jong Il. This testimony from Jackson's trial, for example, sounds like something straight out of Pyongyang:

Among his memories was a banquet featuring Jackson's "Entourage of Delight"—a group of entertainers who gave command performances for him.

During the meal, while five dancers were performing a disco dance, Jackson suddenly ordered the women to strip. "In awkward embarrassment they stripped down and continued their dancing in the nude," Fujimoto reported.

"After a while he turned to his staff and instructed them 'You guys dance with them too.'"

Sorry: That was straight out of Pyongyang. It's Kim Il Sung's personal chef speaking, with me changing the names.

The beginning of his report is pretty weird too:

The call came at about 3 a.m. "Silver Fox wants some French fries," said the voice on the line.

In Juche-speak, that meant Kim Jong Il was hungry for French fries and that the cook had better get out of bed and produce them.

The cook was Kenji Fujimoto, and his description of the 1991 call was one of the many odd revelations to emerge….He described monkey droppings scraped off the walls, paranoid employees, spoiled little boys who bossed around the staff and sinister security guards who threatened anybody deemed disloyal to the dictator.

Wait—sorry—that was Neverland. I don't know whether Kim's palace has a monkey-crap problem.

More on Kim's odd kingdom here.

Michael Jackson discusses music here.

Can Kim blame his misbehavior on a sheltered life and an abusive father? Tell us what you think in the comments.