Blood on the Dance Floor

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The Neverland Ranch is not filled with starving people and is not known to have nuclear ambitions; and no one in North Korea has been accused of molesting Macauley Culkin. Other than that, I'm having a hard time distinguishing the tales people tell about Michael Jackson from the stories you hear about Kim Jong Il. This testimony from Jackson's trial, for example, sounds like something straight out of Pyongyang:

Among his memories was a banquet featuring Jackson's "Entourage of Delight"—a group of entertainers who gave command performances for him.

During the meal, while five dancers were performing a disco dance, Jackson suddenly ordered the women to strip. "In awkward embarrassment they stripped down and continued their dancing in the nude," Fujimoto reported.

"After a while he turned to his staff and instructed them 'You guys dance with them too.'"

Sorry: That was straight out of Pyongyang. It's Kim Il Sung's personal chef speaking, with me changing the names.

The beginning of his report is pretty weird too:

The call came at about 3 a.m. "Silver Fox wants some French fries," said the voice on the line.

In Juche-speak, that meant Kim Jong Il was hungry for French fries and that the cook had better get out of bed and produce them.

The cook was Kenji Fujimoto, and his description of the 1991 call was one of the many odd revelations to emerge….He described monkey droppings scraped off the walls, paranoid employees, spoiled little boys who bossed around the staff and sinister security guards who threatened anybody deemed disloyal to the dictator.

Wait—sorry—that was Neverland. I don't know whether Kim's palace has a monkey-crap problem.

More on Kim's odd kingdom here.

Michael Jackson discusses music here.

Can Kim blame his misbehavior on a sheltered life and an abusive father? Tell us what you think in the comments.

NEXT: Urbi et Orbi

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  1. The call came at about 3 a.m. “Silver Fox wants some French fries,” said the voice on the line.

    Anyone else remember hearing the tape of Elvis sending out some of his entourage for some late-nite boiled eggs?

  2. “Jackson suddenly ordered the women to strip.” I knew that was bogus when I read it. Women?

  3. How do you know when it’s bedtime at the Jackson house?

    When the big hand touches the little hand.

  4. Women?

    Well, maybe he was curious…

  5. Unlike MJ, Kim is not crazy, just extremely spoiled. He is probably surprisingly well-adjusted considering his upbringing. He could probably make a case for most spoiled child ever. I mean, if you were essentially raised as the son of God, wouldn’t you feel entitled to watch naked ladies dance? Interestingly, by many accounts Kim, like Jackson, actually has some artistic talent – he once took a personal interest in NK’s film and theatre industries and actually made the films more watchable (yes, they were probably unbelievably turgid slop before he got involved, but still). Kim also is a pretty clever schemer – he had to basically knock off a couple uncles and step-brothers to clear his way to the throne.

  6. Interestingly, by many accounts Kim, like Jackson, actually has some artistic talent

    I’m ronery
    So ronery . . .

  7. I’m looking forward to the sequel of “Team America: World Polics” where they engage a monkey-feces flingin’ marionette Jacko. Comedy gold, I tell ya…

  8. Anything that flings poo is funny in my book.

  9. “Interestingly, by many accounts Kim, like Jackson, actually has some artistic talent…” WHOA, now – I may not have much respect for Jackson’s music, but comparing it to Kim’s histerically pathetic excuses for theatre is a bit unfair.

    As for the underlying causes of their behavior, I would refer us all to the objective conlusion that it really doesn’t matter what’s inside of someone’s head – it’s their actions that matter, specifically, what they’re going to do next. Aristotle stipulated this idea in reference to plot, I believe. So speaking for me at least, I really don’t care what caused Jackson’s or Kim’s behavior. I’m interested in what they did, and more importantly, what they are capable of doing in the future. But maybe that’s just me.

  10. Mephistophocles, that is right on! Psychology is SO overrated–I don’t care why people do things, either. Only that they do them, because that is something we can agree upon and act upon.

  11. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not trying to put down Psychology as a bogus study. My humble opinion, however, is that it’s very useful for trying to predict an individual’s (group’s nation’s, etc) behavior – not for trying to pass blame. What causes us to do things is important only in the aspect of attempting to predict (and perhaps prevent) one’s behavior, not in finding out who to point a finger at. So again, it’s not the why that’s important, but the what and when.

  12. How are MJ and Tuna similar?

  13. As Andrew Vachss has said repeatedly: “behavior is truth.”

  14. How are MJ and Tuna similar?

    Ok, I’ll bite. How?

  15. What smacky said.

  16. How are MJ and Tuna similar?

    They both come in little cans.

  17. Oh, groan. 🙂

    Anything that flings poo is funny in my book.

    Once a friend of mine and I were going to form a band (even though neither of us can play an instrument and I can’t sing), and call it Host Monkey, just so we could title our debut album Flinging Poo.

  18. Stevo,

    You didn’t need to call your band Host Monkey to do that. Trust me, you never need a pretense for flinging poo. Have a little faith.

  19. I always tell people that they should judge themselves by their actions, not their thoughts. You can’t control your thoughts.

  20. Today is National “Fling Poo at a Mook” Day.

  21. “As Andrew Vachss has said repeatedly: ‘behavior is truth.'”

    Of course Vachss also writes depraved crime novels in which people are viciously killed by righteous vigilantes based on flimsy evidence, so make of that what you will.

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