Dog Gets Stem Cell Transplant

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Ain't the 21st century great? A golden retriever named Comet has apparently been cured of lymphoma by means of bone marrow stem cells transplanted from a donor dog. The cost? $45,000, which compares favorably with the human version, which runs between $80,000 and $150,000.

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  1. Yes, it is April 7th, 2005.

  2. How dare they charge more for humans when it’s no more complicated a procedure!

    Uh, that’s a joke…

  3. Oh, just great! Not only have the gays led me to bestiality, now the beasts have undermined the culture of life!

  4. Senator: As long as the “donor dog” was not actually an aborted dog fetus, I don’t think the Puppy Pope of the Roamin’ Outside the Yard Again Cat-Lick Church would have a problem with this.

  5. Indeed, we would not.

    Although the Church’s position against spaying and neutering remains firm.

  6. Nor do we object to doing it “human style,” as long as the participants do so within the loving context of marriage and are open to the possiblity of being blessed with a litter as a result.

    Licking one’s own balls, however, is discouraged as antithetical to the life-affirming procreative purpose with which Dog the Almighty has blessed us. I shall be issuing a Papal Bulldog later this year that will discuss this issue further.

    May Dog bless you all,

    His Hole-Digging-in-the-Yardness,

  7. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! OMG, Stevo, Puppy Pope, you guys are hilarious!!!!!

  8. Dog bless you, Lowdog. For as the Scriptures say, the lowdog shall be made the highdog, and the highdog shall be made low.

    While you await my forthcoming Papal Bulldog on ball-licking, Aballisto Lickae Curae, you may in the meantime find some guidance in a previous Bulldog by my predecessor, Puppy Pope Lucky XII, titled En Fido De Fenses Non Diggis.

    Please bear this in mind: While not all proclamations from the Holy Seeing-Eye Dog are considered “infallible” (this applies only to proclamations on matters of dogtrine and morals that are officially issued ex hydrant) all members of the Church’s Pack are admonished to give these proclamations due weight before deciding on the basis of one’s own conscience.

    En purina puppei ciao,

  9. You know, these are some of the funniest posts I’ve ever read on H&R. Then again, I woke up yesterday at 9am, worked until 7am this morning (including a 3 hour teaching session and an hour of exercise), slept until 11am this morning, and am now back at it (probably until 1am), so I’m in a silly mood.

  10. My dissertation will include in the acknowledgements “I’d like to thank Mountain Dew and Starbucks for providing the caffeine that made this writing possible. Eminem, Guns and Roses, Richard Cheese, Social Distortion, and the Rolling Stones provided the soundtrack that accompanied much of the writing process. And Puppy Pope Rex Rover II, ROYACLC provided much-needed spiritual guidance throughout this arduous process.”

  11. Remember when Marty “bad-dog” Luther had 95 bones to pick with the Cat-Lick church and he posted them on the door of the Kittenberg Cat-thedral, it all boiled down to this: The Pope’s a Dope and should no longer be considered the top dog around here.

    So, the real problem is not if stem cell transplants are moral, it is how does a sick dog get enough scratch to pay for this operation?

  12. All hail Richard Cheese!

  13. A golden retreiver named Comet? The dog from Full House?

  14. That’s it. I’m converted. Puppy pope, whoever you are, you are surely the emissary of whatever gods may be.

    Still laughing.

  15. Your Howliness,

    What have you to say about the reports that some of your priests have been bad doggies, sniffing the asses of young alter pups?

    On a separate point, why is the Cat-Lick Church so reluctant to ordain bitches?

  16. Dog bless you all.

    (sprays … er, sprinkles … holy water on adoring audience)

  17. Friends, please, I tell you now, do not listen to the false prophet Rex Rover II! He will lead you astray from the true path. He will encourage you to eat our poop. He will say it’s all right to drink out of human toilets. He can’t even climb a tree, for felines dei sakes! Please, please, don’t let Rex Rover lead you into darkness, for he truly smells bad, too.

  18. You know, we all have some serious problems.

  19. (Oops, trouble with timing of posts again …)

    SPD — (concerning your post of 7:57 PM)

    What have you to say about the reports that some of your priests have been bad doggies, sniffing the asses of young alter pups?

    It is true the Church has, in retrospect, been slow to address this issue. Because of our faith’s central tenet that all sin, and that all deserve a second chance, we have been too slow in taking corrective action where warranted. The application of a rolled-up newspaper is now the charge of the local bishoprics and dioceses. We apologize to the altered pups. There is no need to rub our noses in this further.

    On a separate point, why is the Cat-Lick Church so reluctant to ordain bitches?

    Bitches may serve the Church in many capacities, but by tradition, ordained preisthood is not one of them. They have different roles, but “different” should not be construed as “lesser” or “inferior.” We respect our bitches.

  20. Ah, the Great Schism!

    Dear Sister Snowball —

    Surely what unites us is greater than what divides us. In the spirit of eceumenical friendship, please, sniff my butt.

    Now, my brothers and sisters, forgive me but I grow weary. I hope we can take up this discussion again. I must rest.

    (waves to crowd, then starts turning around in circles)

  21. Brother Rex Rover II,

    I accept your offer to sniff your butt in the spirit in which it was given. Maybe this kind gesture is the first step in a long journey to find that common ground of which you speak. But please, it is important to me that we keep the smelling only to approved times–when I’m in heat, which I don’t like talking about too much when I have my better control of myself.

  22. SPD,

    What problems? Do you mean that April 15 is quickly approaching?

  23. I just meant I think we’ve gone collectively insane on this topic.

  24. Thoreau: Your amusing acknowledgement in your thesis reminds of an anedote that a physicist friend of mine once told me: his friend started out his thesis with (paraphrased) “I would like to take this opportunity to answer, once and for all, the most common question I have been asked as an experiemental physicist: `What is all that fucking aluminum foil for?'” (It’s for insulation, BTW.)

    On another subject, what is the Church’s position on incest? One of my roomate’s cats seems to have taken an excessive interest in the smell of his half-sister’s unmentionable regions. He follows her around sniffing it. I think he’s too young and stupid to know what to do exactly (hopefully we can keep him away from corrupting images on television), but I’m sure he’ll figure it out eventually. Then we might be stuck with a litter of bucktoothed hillbilly kittens, and a sin against god to boot.

  25. Isn’t this another fine example of how we treat our pets more humanely than we treat each other? Somehow, I doubt you’ll hear the Pro-Life crowd using it instead of “it’s illegal to starve your dog, but not innocent woman (Terry Schiavo)”.

  26. THERE IS NO DOG.

    You animals are like, blind bats, flying in a dark belfry, looking for a black lab, that isn’t there.

  27. Isn’t this another fine example of how we treat our pets more humanely than we treat each other? Somehow, I doubt you’ll hear the Pro-Life crowd using it instead of “it’s illegal to starve your dog, but not innocent woman (Terry Schiavo)”.

    But, David, what would the tubers have said if Michael S. had said, “I have a doctor who says he can use stem cells to bring back Terri’s brain.”

  28. I hate to burst the comic bubble, but this example supports those opposed to research on embryonic stem cells. These were ADULT stem cells, harvested from an ADULT dog.

    Successes such as these make the point that there is no evidence that it is necessary to harvest stem cells from embryos. There are numerous sources, including adult blood, that even a human Pope can support.

    You may be thorougly convinced that the pro-Life crowd is overwrought, but you do your own position no service when you confuse embryonic research with that on adult stem cells. Adult stem cell research has been well funded by the Bush administration.

  29. Bubba, you just need to accept dog as your personal savior and let the comic bubble rise. Why you gotta be such a downer, man?

  30. BAD DOGS! Go home! Get a job!

  31. bubba,
    Who said adult stem cells can do everything embryonic ones can? We’re, or atleast I’m, not opposed to using adult and embyonic stem cells, I just want to keep all potential avenues open.

  32. Actually, Bubba makes a good point. A lot of people seem to assume that pro-lifers just oppose all stem-cell research out of some kind of Luddite reflex.

  33. Dean Koontz would be pleased.

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