Super Bowl

Not Since Broadway Joe Wore Pantyhose…

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…has professional football's hold on squarejawed manliness looked more precarious. Rogier van Bakel ponders why you can't put the word "gay"—and a whole lot more—on a custom tshirt from NFL.com. The official site maintains a voluminous list of forbidden words:

The delight (or horror) of the list is that I learned just how uninformed I am when it comes to dirty language. If I use my imagination, I can understand what 'glazed donut' might refer to (I think), and after some pondering, 'Hershey Highway' also seemed to surrender its initial mystery. But what's juggalo? Lady Boog? Pocket pool? PWT? Yellowman (other than the reggae singer)? Nooner? EVL? G-Unit?

The real question: What happens when some nudge-and-wink type tries to get a shirt made up with "Kemp," "Largent," or "Kopay"?

Addendum: As commenter phocion notes, you really need to see the list of banned words to get the full effect.

NEXT: Mr. Pot, Mr. Kettle. Mr. Kettle, Mr. Pot

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  1. Read the linked piece, Mr. Gay, and you will find out that “you” can’t.

    “Last month, professor Leigh Clemons of Louisiana State University tried to order a custom New England Patriots jersey from the NFL website. She wanted the name “Gay” on the back of the shirt because her former student, Randall Gay, had just finished his rookie season with the Patriots.

    The L.A. Daily News reports that

    >> [W]hen she … typed in the request, it was denied because of a message that read: “This field should not contain naughty words.”

  2. And take a look at the list of banned words for some real amusement..

  3. For some reason the list includes BOODY, but not BOOTY. That’s odd. Also, does anyone know what a Purina Princess is? I’m kind of afraid (but also curious) to hear the answer.

  4. Xavier,
    That’s in case Josh David Booty makes it to the NFL. I’m upset you can’t get a Rod Smart jersey that says “He Hate Me”

  5. The NFL has relented on the word gay, as the L.A. Daily News article states. All the other words on the ‘naughty’ list, as far as we know, remain verboten, including ‘lesbian’ and ‘bisexual’.

  6. But what’s juggalo? Lady Boog? Pocket pool? PWT? Yellowman (other than the reggae singer)? Nooner? EVL? G-Unit?

    “Nooner” is when you have sex during your lunch hour. “EVL” is probably “evil.”

    “Yellowman” might be construed as an anti-Asian slur. Although when I peruse the entire list of banned words, I noticed that “J*p” and “G**k” are banned — but not “Ch*nk.”

    Actually, as I peruse the list in full, I marvel: Who had the job of coming up with all those words? How much time did it take them? How did they make the final decision as to whether a word got on the list or not? And I noticed that “Assmaster” is not on the list.

  7. “Pocket pool?”

    Pocket pool is of course masturbation through a hole in your pant’s pocket–be sure to use a nice, stroke, and don’t jerk up when you come in contact with the ball.

    I don’t know what the hell the rest of them are.

  8. It looks like scheisse is ok, so all you furriners out there can have a good time.

  9. Stevo Darkly,

    My guess is that the list gets added to as they get requests. If “assmaster” or “ch*nk” isn’t there now, it might be if it gets ordered. I mean “ICU812”? What’s next? “3M 3TI8”? (look in a mirror.)

  10. Good thing Rusty Kuntz played professional baseball rather than football.

  11. “Juggalo” and “juggalette” refer to the esteemed fans of the rap troubadours known as the Insane Clown Posse.

  12. So no one knows what Purina Princess means? I even tried doing a google search and all I found was posts of other people who saw that on the NFL list and were confused.

  13. What’s next? “3M 3TI8”? (look in a mirror.)

    Oooh! If I ever get a vanity license plate …

    Actually, I’ve already decided I’d get VOOM. Harmless, but any slowpokes would see it in the rearview mirror as MOOV. It’s sorta passive-aggressive.

    So no one knows what Purina Princess means? Never heard of it, but I wonder if it means “bitch”? As in female dog?

  14. Bestiality is still OK for those of us with spell-check.

  15. I can see not being able to get a Carolinas Panthers jersey with Rae Caruth’s name on it, since he was convicted of some serious felonies1, but what if you are a fan of ex-Green Bay Packer Paul Ott Carruth?

    This is cute: GONZAGAS. I could see a `Zags fan wanting a college jersey with that name, but NFL? I suppose it is a misspellng of GAZONGAS.

    If you must have a jersey, or to be more correct, a sweater, that says SATAN2, while the NFL won’t help you, the NHL and the Buffalo Sabres probably can, assuming they can sell sweaters with player names while they haven’t negotiated a labor agreement. Now, if they would only trade him to the New Jersey Devils…

    Kevin

    1.) http://football.about.com/b/a/015507.htm

    2.) Miroslav Satan, pronounced “sha-ton”, with short vowels.

    http://sports.espn.go.com/nhl/players/profile?statsId=0666

  16. Rae’s last name is CARRUTH.

    Miroslav’s last name is SATAN. It seems that HTML superscript tags aren’t enabled here.

    Kevin

  17. I was thinking “purina princess” referred to a female fan of a certain position, but I’ve never actually heard it used.

  18. Good thing Rusty Kuntz played professional baseball rather than football.

    And Albert Pujols.

  19. why the fuck is “third eye” banned? do they have something against shitty new age appropriations of religious metaphor?

  20. dhex, I’d guess the NFL thinks all the “third” phrases are penis references. “Third leg” is obvious, and “third eye” = urethra. Or so I’d guess.

    Perusing the list, it’s a shame you’ll never see a girl wearing a #19 “Barely Legal” jersey.

  21. “But what’s juggalo? Lady Boog? Pocket pool? PWT? Yellowman (other than the reggae singer)? Nooner? EVL? G-Unit?”

    Has this guy ever left the house? Read a book? Turned on the TV!? Who doesn’t know what a nooner or pocket pool is? And if I, as a forty year old geek, know what a juggalo is, then you’ve got to be pretty removed from American culture not to (maybe he’s Canadian).

    Now I’ll undermine all the above by confessing that I have no idea what “Lady Boog” or “PWT” refer to.

  22. Back in the day (probably in ’95 or ’96), at Penn State, there was once a great headline in the Daily Collegian. At the time, the PSU women’s field hockey team, the “Stickwomen,” had a player whose last name was Kuntz.

    The headline read:

    “Stickwomen’s Kuntz Out In Front”

    I shit you not.

  23. Stevo Darkly,

    I’ve heard that the DMV here in NV actually checks for those kind of mirror-image shenanigans, YMMV. VOOM should be OK, though, because a friend’s former coworker had a last name Fuchs, (German for “fox”, and pronounced “fooks” or “fyooks”) and was able to convince the DMV that should be on his plate.

  24. Thanks for pointing me to a gay website guys. It should have occurred to me what outsports meant, but the checkers at work are gonna have a field day, I’m sure!

  25. I can’t even read the list right now…that’s probably the last page I’d want to be reading if a coworker dropped in to my cubicle unexpectedly….that and they updated my office employee-policy spyware software yesterday…

    So I’ll just have to wait until I read the list comprehensively at some undetermined point in the future, so I can finally make an offensive and crude but unappreciated joke long after this thread has expired.

  26. probably is no censor per se creating the list.
    i once worked for one of the larger on-line dating service, was tasked to create a program to filter foul language, embedded urls etc., i simply created the list to my standards (or lack of), never was reviewed, but some additions were made.

    confirmed my original list is still pretty much the standard, go figure, me a beacon of free speech, practicing censorship! i feel dirty and used.

    as far as those unknown phrases, the first thought that comes to mind is usually pretty close.

  27. Well if John David Booty is as good as his brothers the NFL won’t have to worry about him. Both Josh (QB) and Abram (WR) went to LSU while I was there — Josh was horrible and Abram wasn’t bad, but quit and because a minister or something because he couldn’t live up to Josh’s high school reputation.

    It’s a shame that Booty and Gay didn’t play on defense together. We could have had “Gay Booty” coverage.

  28. Yeesh…became a minister.

  29. I was always hoping to hear Dick Enberg say “Manley, Butz, and Cox collide on the play” during a Redskins game.

  30. You can get a Doobie or a Fatty but not a Joint?

  31. “Naughty”? Christ, what are we, six? Or are they?

    “Gonorrhea” and “masturbator” are misspelled on that list, so perhaps you could get one of those if you spelled it correctly. And what’s wrong with “primetime”?

  32. Who made the list? I’d put my money on a prestigious panel of 12-year-old boys who thought no one was listening.

  33. Purina Princess– two different possible origins.

    One is a roundabout way of calling someone a lesbian. Purina=cat food, often fish flavored, and I sat for five minutes trying to think of a way to make the statement in a way that would be suitible for younger eyes and failed, so if you can’t connect the dots beyond that then you’re too young to be asking.

    The other is more benign, and just refers to the fact that a person is so poor that they have to eat animal food, but still manage to live it up, with a great stereo and widescreen Dolby TV and suchforth.

    No idea which is older, but for my money I’d probably say the first was the original, and the second was just accepted for general use by logical but incorrect hecklers.

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