Alt-Death
Interesting L.A. Times Magazine article by Nancy Rommelmann about the "alternative-death movement," where families prepare their own loved one's bodies, dispense with the smelly chemicals, and conduct "green burials," typically for thousands of dollars less than your standard Forest Lawn job. "Home preparation of the deceased," it turns out, "is legal in every state but four." My favorite quote, from a green cemetery operator:
"We bury people in overalls, playing country music and throwing cigarettes in the grave," he says. "I had one guy who was buried there who said, 'I love the woods, I just don't like environmentalists.' It wasn't an ideological thing for him. It does appeal to free-market Republicans who want to see a business do this and see people make individual choices. It appeals to people who are hard-core environmentalists. We've seen a lot of support from evangelical Christians, who are talking about the Rapture and the whole nine yards, who think this is more in keeping with what the Bible says. It's like Genesis 3:19: Dust are thou and to dust thou shall return.
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I wouldn't want to be buried in one of those green cemetaries.
"I'll tell ya, country clubs and cemeteries are the biggest wastes of prime real estate."
Al Czervik
I'd definitely want to be buried in someplace like that. Much nicer than the usual sort of cemetary.
Death is for losers. I'm getting a cryo-chamber next to Walt Disney's head.
I believe it was a Life magazine where I saw a photo essay about that followed a family through the death of a father and his subsequent burrial. It was really interesting.
My wish is to be left in the desert for the vultures to pick out my eyes... and to freak out some would be hiker when they stumble across my skeleton.
Coarsetad's is one of people's top three post-mortum wishes, which are, to be eaten by animals; to be put in a pinebox, and to be thrown in the ocean.
Doesn't this increase the possibility of being buried alive?
I don't think you can beat a nice easy ocean burial. Sewn in a sheet, a prayer, and whoopsie! over the side.
I'm not sure of the legalities of non-standard burials. Obviously the article says they're legal in all but 4 states; what about burial at sea?
Being left in the dry desert is also good & inexpensive.
Accurately or not I have the impression that deaths usually produce a great deal of investigation by the authorities, which might make simply leaving a body in the desert (or ocean) raise questions. I guess you'd need to do it carefully and with permission to avoid the ones doing the leaving getting in possibly major trouble.
Jim Walsh wrote:
Doesn't this increase the possibility of being buried alive?
It sure does Jim. On the other hand, those standard brand funeral homes will gut and embalm you before they bury you. You'll be dead "for sure" then.
In the U.S., you cannot legally toss a corpse in the ocean (which would be my preferece). The exception is for certain military burials.
Don't they realize this is exactly what the vampires want us to do?
I've always been partial to the the ol' pine box myself. One way to do this is to ask for a kosher casket.
http://www.arkwoodcaskets.com/
Another interesting link...
http://www.coffinsource.com/
I wanna be donated to science and/or cut up for spare parts. Anything they don't use can be ground up for pet food. Anything else is a waste of a useful resource.
I was at a memorial service recently up at the University of Cincinnati for all the people who've volunteered to be cadavers.
That's the way to go.
You help young doctors learn a thing or two, plus, as soon as UC takes delivery of the cadaver, no expense to your survivors.
And no frightening of buzzards out in the desert.
I want a good old fashion viking burial. I want to be put out on a wooden boat and then set on fire. That is the way to go... litereally
Coarsetad's is one of people's top three post-mortum wishes, which are, to be eaten by animals; to be put in a pinebox, and to be thrown in the ocean.
It's so true! My wish is to be floated out to open sea in a pine box where I'll be devoured by god's fishy creatures.
And if they set me & the box on fire, it could be barbecue for the fishies! Barbecue a la Viking.
Not to belabor my point.
Okay, to belabor my point:
Too many of you are looking for something ceremonial; some sound and fury signifying nothing.
It wasn't goddess who assembled your unworthy dustbunny of an anus, but it was complexity.
Give young doctors a break. Test them to see if they can disassemble/relax yours.
At least enough of you should volunteer until a computer simulation of all possibilities can be constructed.
"Barbeque a la Viking"
... As John Stossel would say, "Give me a break!"
If I want to throw a rattlesnake on the barbee, I'll buy it up at Jungle Jim's in Fairfield, OH.
It ain't cheap, but I'll bet it'll taste better than Douglas Fletcher.
Unless you're a fish, I wasn't hoping you'd eat my corpse.
I'm donating organs, then I'd like to be made into a stew and served to PETA members unknowingly...
Anything they don't use can be ground up for pet food.
This thread has produced some of the funniest things I have heard, ever. I'm sitting at work reading everyone's comments, and trying not to laugh too hard out loud.
As for me, I am not planning to die. If that falls through, then I will choose either cremation followed by scattering of ashes over ocean, or else donation to science, which is really much more useful and noble of my corpse than any other disposal, except for vampire food.
(Although I must admit, vikings are cool...)
I believe it was a Life magazine where I saw a photo essay about that followed a family through the death of a father and his subsequent burrial. It was really interesting.
If your interested in portraits/interest stories (albeit fiction) of the dead and dying, you might like to read "As I Lay Dying" by William Faulkner. From what I recall, the plot is similar to the photo essay you mentioned.
"It appeals to people who are hard-core environmentalists. We've seen a lot of support from evangelical Christians, who are talking about the Rapture and the whole nine yards, who think this is more in keeping with what the Bible says. It's like Genesis 3:19: Dust are thou and to dust thou shall return."
This has to be the first time hard-core environmentalists and Rapture-minded Evangelical Christians actually agree on something.
I think it was Reagan's first Secretary of the Interior, James Watts, himself an Evangelical Christian, who said on the floor of Congress (!) in 1981 that it doesn't matter if all the forests are destroyed, because that will only hasten the Rapture and the return of Jesus.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
I hope to donate my body to science, only to have science say "No thanks."
Boneyards are totally pointless. We are such egotists that we think anyone would give a shit about our remains 100 years down the road. You would think that they would eventually pull up all the tombstones and build houses there, BUT DON'T MOVE THE BODIES!! Come to think of it, shooting out of the ground and making a bunch of teen girls scream would be pretty cool.
Come to think of it, shooting out of the ground and making a bunch of teen girls scream would be pretty cool.
But don't forget: they would have to be on the cusp of 18, and buxom at that, wearing too-tight sweaters, and miniskirts...
"Boneyards are totally pointless. We are such egotists that we think anyone would give a shit about our remains 100 years down the road."
Cemetaries are important elements in the geography of a city. Dignified open green space, a nice place to take a walk, a quiet respite from the hectic pace of urban life, and an eternal message about perspective and mortality.
I think it was Reagan's first Secretary of the Interior, James Watts, himself an Evangelical Christian, who said on the floor of Congress (!) in 1981 that it doesn't matter if all the forests are destroyed, because that will only hasten the Rapture and the return of Jesus.
I had to question that, because it doesn't seem to jive with what fundamentalist Christians believe, as I understand it. Or it seems just plain stupid. Rather than just assume the latter, I dug a little deeper.
As I understand it, Christians believe all sorts of awful things will happen as signs of the end of end of the world and the Second Coming -- not as the cause of the Second Coming.
It's like saying, "Soreness in your arms is the sign of a good workout, and that your muscles are building themselves up!" If you believe this, it doesn't mean you would try to strengthen your arms by hitting them with a hammer to make them sore, instead of working out.
I tried to look up what Watt allegedly said, and it seems to be some variant of, "After the last tree is felled, Christ will come back." He must have basically meant something similar to, "Why clean up my room room, when there's a hurricane coming?" It's basically a weird Christian variant of, "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die," and it only makes sense to someone who thinks the Second Coming is imminent. Which apparently Watt did. He's basically thinking, "With Jesus around the corner, let's reorder our priorities, and maybe the stuff you think is so all-fired urgent isn't all that important" -- but it doesn't mean, "Let's trash the place and get Jesus to show up quicker."
(And I never in my life thought I would be in a position of trying to explain what James Watt thinks. Besides, doesn't the Bible say you can't predict the end of the world, regardless? "For thou shalt know neither the day nor the hour." I also think one of the epistles was written to the people of a city who thought the return of the Jesus Messiah was imminent, so they sat around waiting for it -- and the point of that epistle was, "You don't know when it's going to happen, so get back to work!" Although I may be misremembering.)
As Tiffany, a buxom teenage girl on the cusp of 18 wearing a too-tight sweater and a miniskirt, ran stumbling and crying in panic through the graveyard as she fled from the shambling, murderous monster that pursued her, she took a moment to enjoy the open green space -- a nice place to take a walk, a quiet respite from the hectic pace of urban life, and bearing an eternal message about perspective and mortality.
Unless you're a fish, I wasn't hoping you'd eat my corpse.
I'm sorry, coworkers. I just can't stop laughing at this. I really need a door for my cubicle.
P.S. Douglas - do I count if I'm a Pisces?
Buxom Girl suddenly stops, looks at zombie.
"Did you ever wonder what this is all about?"
"Gaaaarrrrrrrgghhhh!!!!"
"I mean, in a hundred years, what's it really going to matter?"
"Gaaarrrggghhh?"
They stare into the ditance for a moment.
"Did you ever wonder if there's life after death?"
Zombie looks over at her, starts to speak, thinks better of it...
>>I'm donating organs, then I'd like to be made into a stew and served to PETA members unknowingly...
I want to be blown up, while the Misfit's "Bloodfeast" plays gently in the background.
Is that legal? Could you legally have your corpse blown up?
Could you legally have your corpse blown up?
I'm sure that like other inoffensive pastimes like cockfighting) has been banned in all 50 states. You might check Louisiana though. Or maybe Rhode Island. 🙂
Unless you're a fish, I wasn't hoping you'd eat my corpse.
I'm donating organs, then I'd like to be made into a stew and served to PETA members unknowingly...
Since we've been discussing food, I thought I would mention that I ate about a pound of chicken at lunch today. Cooked Indian-style (tandoori and tikka). Maybe I should find the suing-for-obesity thread on H&R. Or should I sue for colon cancer?
Choices, choices....
After all, there was no warning on the pay-per-ounce nan/salad bar.
....buxom at that, wearing too-tight sweaters,...
I'm sorry, I'm unfamiliar with this concept. How can a sweater on a buxom nymphet be "too-tight"? I suppose if it were so tight that it became impossible to remove it....
As for vampire candidacy, one could always be buried at crossroads.
Re: James Watt: Has anyone else ever wanted to see a Celebrity Deathmatch between the top pre-Millenialists and post-Millenialists?
Musical interlude:
Please don't bury me down in that cold cold ground
I'd rather have 'em cut me up and pass me all around
Throw my brains in a hurricane
The blind can have my eyes
And the deaf can take both of my ears if they don't mind the size - John Prine
I do want my consciousness "downloaded" into a repairable, nigh-invulnerable android.
Kevin
Moyers has backpedaled on that Watt "quote". If he ever said it, nobody can prove it. Editor & Publisher has the story on their site @
http://tinyurl.com/55j4c
Watt's rebuttal:
http://www.startribune.com/stories/1519/5232182.html
Powerline clued me in to all this. The source Moyers used, Grist magazine, relied on Setting the Captives Free by Austin Miles, not Congressional testimony. See:
http://tinyurl.com/3jon8
Kevin