Come Back to the Raft Agin, Spongebob Honey

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James Dobson, the homophobic head of Focus on the Family and the fella who was suspiciously hugging "Pistol" Pete Maravich at the time of the basketball great's untimely death (hmm, a Nelson Rockefeller moment, mayhaps?), is taking on Spongebob Squarepants.

As Rogier van Bakel points out at his Nobody's Business blog, Dobson, always a couple of steps slow when it comes to pop culture, is convinced that the fading-in-popularity undersea cartoon character is picking up where Teletubbie Tinky Winky left off.

Whole thing here.

And when you've got time to kill, read Leslie Fiedler's great Love and Death in the American Novel, which, if it were updated and expanded to include cartoon characters, would put the Spongebob-Patrick coupling in the great American tradition of Huck Finn and Jim, etc.

NEXT: Bad Ballistics

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  1. What will loony Christians think of next? 🙂

  2. How does a sponge get a stiffie?

  3. And all this time I thought sponges were asexual.

  4. If you see them gays everywhere, even in cartoons, I think you might have some issues.

    Plus, the real story here, which the liberal media won’t touch, is the Anti-Pants Agenda advanced by Porky Pig and Donald Duck. Slowly, over the decades, they’ve been subverting our cherished American Pants-Wearing Values. How soon before the government outlaws pants? Luckily my militia and I are preparing for that day, stockpiling ammo and pants, training to resist the coming Pants Crackdown.

  5. I think we may have found the only other person who could possibly see any sexual significance in Spongebob Squarepants not named Troy McClure.

  6. They might take my pants, but they can’t take my soul, dammit! They can’t take that away from me!!!

  7. That “Nobody’s Business” post isn’t very accurate. The Freepers aren’t complaining about a hidden gay-friendly message in Spongebob’s usual behavior. They’re complaining that Spongebob is being featured in a video promoting diversity, tolerance, and whatnot. It seems they confused the organization sponsoring the video with an advocacy group for same-sex marriage. The Freeper complaint is still stupid, but Nobody’s Business is seriously mischaracterizing it.

    In the Freepers’ defense, from what I’ve read it looks like that video will be absolutely nauseating. That happy-go-lucky diversity/tolerance stuff can be really annoying.

  8. OK, what’s a “Nelson Rockefeller moment?”

  9. I have probably watched more SBSP than anyone else here (at least I hope so) and there are some very gay moments in the show. The Fry Cook Games episode ends with SB and Patrick walking into the sunset holding hands and wearing speedos. The one where they adopt the baby clam also has its moments.

    Of course, I dont think that there’s anything wrong with that. I am just saying if you’re gonna go after a kids’ show for promoting a gay lifestyle, this one makes more sense than the Teletubbies.

  10. Nelson Rockefeller died from a heart attack in the company of a young woman who was…ahem…not his wife.

  11. I love cartoons that are subversive, with underlying messages for the adults that the kids don’t get. Bugs or Rocky and Bullwinkle set the standards there. Sponge Bob ain’t one of those.

  12. I object to the characterization of Spongebob as “fading-in-popularity”. Do you have any hard data to back up these wild claims?

  13. No way is spongebob gay. Look at the way he dresses. Now Squidward, on the other hand, is hellagay. He plays clarinet, he’s uncomfortable around the guys playing games, and he has those tentacles that he put all over everyone!

  14. Maybe Dobson was thinking about Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy? They live together, go on vacations together, and they’ve been “companions” for far longer than most hero-sidekick relationships last.

    Quick, write three angry letters, make a million copies of each, and mail them to Michael Powell, stat!

  15. TPG:

    And let’s not forget he enjoys art and interpretive dance.

    Also, in my previous post, I forgot to mention the one where SB becomes a clarinet and Squidward, um, blows him.

  16. TPG,
    Seems to me you got it backwards:
    No way is Squidward gay. He plays clarinet, he’s uncomfortable around the guys playing games, and he has those tentacles that he put all over everyone! Now spongebob, on the other hand, is hellagay. Look at the way he dresses.

  17. TPG:

    And let’s not forget he enjoys art and interpretive dance.

    Oh Yeah! Good call! He also like flowers.

    Also, in my previous post, I forgot to mention the one where SB becomes a clarinet and Squidward, um, blows him.

    Yeah – these groups are missing the boat – it’s squidward that’s playing for the other team, not SB.

  18. This thread is highly disturbing in more ways than one.

  19. TPG,
    Seems to me you got it backwards:
    No way is Squidward gay. He plays clarinet, he’s uncomfortable around the guys playing games, and he has those tentacles that he put all over everyone! Now spongebob, on the other hand, is hellagay. Look at the way he dresses.

    I don’t follow.

  20. No way are SpongeBob or Squidward gay…but that Sandy Cheeks is a uber dyke.

  21. Of Dobson and Spongebob, the latter seems a tad less cartoonish to me.

    He seems like a teacher-bad guy in a John Hughes movie. Or something.

  22. Warren,

    I don’t get why Spongebob’s clothes are hellagay (if we have decided to base this claim on definitions of stereotypically “gay” coture). He wears pants – WITHOUT buttcheek holes cut in them (a la Prince). They are not purple. They are not made of spandex – I think. Although, I will give you that they are form-fitting. But so was Bush’s flight suit. (Does that make Bush look hellagay, or just like America’s original space monkey?)
    Conversely, if you are trying to characterize his clothes as “classy gay” – they’re not chic enough to holler about, either.

    To me, his clothes look like those of a traditional, ooompah-lovin’ Bavarian German school boy — Christian — and, of course, straight. I love SB Gaypants!

  23. Oh yeah? Check out Spongebob’s outfit: he has seatpants that can be unbuttoned for fast action. Remember that scene in the Spongebob movie where his seat comes undone to expose those soft succulent young-boy buttocks? Who else but a catamite would wear such an outfit? Plus he’s a sea-dog, at home around sailors. Nuff said.

  24. Purple pants not gay! Hulk wear purple pants! Hulk not gay, just ask Jarella. Hulk not get any complaints. Puny Banner gay. What gayer than “Bruce”? Need Hulk say more?

    Hammer-man of Avengers plenty gay, too. Puny arrow-man call him “Goldilocks.” Cape plenty fruity, too, and wings on puny helmet. Him even from Ass-guard. Hah! Hulk make joke! Laugh, puny human, or Hulk will SMASH!

    Don’t get Hulk started on Magician from Greenwich Village.

  25. Squidward is the hellagay. He even tried to convert SBSP in one episode!

    The Art Class Episode. Squidward wearing a BERET and an ASCOT. Teaching SBSP all about ART!!!

    It was a near miss to the dark side of SBSP 😉

    I doubt you watch more than I do….

  26. Anybody have a cite of what Dobson actually said? Because I find little more than sentence fragments in the NY Times piece people seem to be citing as authoritative.

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