St. Stiller

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A short history of Festivus.

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  1. At the very least, Festivus is as “authentic” a holiday as Kwanzaa.

    Serenity now!

  2. What distinguishes “authenticity” for holidays, anyway?

  3. Having just moved to Harlem I wanted to send out Kwanzaa cards this year. My Jewish girlfriend says this is Kwazy! White people can’t celebrate Kwanzaa without offending people. (I’m a Christian born, Santa-lovin’, born-again atheist — we are in fact the only Kwackers on our block.)

    Perhaps we have found the perfect solution in the form of Festivus.

    Nah, I’m still going to send out Kwanzaa cards. She just doesn’t know I’m going to sign her name.

  4. Wow, Tampa’s a center for Festivusian activities? Who knew?

  5. To David Rollins at 1:41PM – My Caucasian Reform Jewish sister and I (Caucasian atheist) have a running tradition of getting each other Hallmark Mahogany cards for various celebrations. (For those of you who don’t know, Mahogany is the subdivision of Hallmark that produces greeting cards for the African-American community.)

    In addition, my Reform Jewish family gathers together on Christmas Day and makes theme gingerbread houses (last year, Grandpa’s “house” creation was Saddam Hussein emerging from his spider-hole with gummi bear troops pointing toothpick bayonettes at him).

    Holidays and celebrations are what you make of them. Festivus is a perfect example of this.

  6. FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF US!

  7. Frank Costanza (George’s father): Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had — but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

    Kramer: What happened to the doll?

    Frank: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born — a Festivus for the rest of us!

  8. My favorite holiday movie at this point is love actually. The very moving opening monologue by Hugh Grant is particularly key; well, that and the sequences with “Billy Mack.”

    “Billy Mack”

    christmas is all around

    I feel it in my fingers,
    I feel it in my toes,
    Christmas is all around me,
    and so the feeling grows

    It’s written in the wind,
    It’s everywhere I go,
    So if you really love Christmas,
    C’mon and let it snow

    You know I love Christmas
    I always will
    My mind’s made up
    The way that I feel
    There’s no beginning
    There’ll be no end
    Cuz on Christmas,
    You can depend

    You gave your presents to me
    And I gave mine to you
    I need Santa beside me
    In everything I do

    You know I love Christmas
    I always will
    My mind’s made up
    The way that I feel
    There’s no beginning
    There’ll be no end
    Cuz on Christmas,
    You can depend

    Cuz on Christmas,
    You can depend

    It’s written on the wind
    It’s everywhere I go
    So if you really love me
    C’mon and let it show
    C’mon and let it show
    So if you really love
    C’mon and let it
    If you really love me
    C’mon and let it
    Now if you really love me
    C’mon and let it show

  9. Billy Mack: Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don’t buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free.
    __________________

    Parky: This must be a very exciting moment for you, fighting for the Christmas number one. How’s it looking so far?

    Billy Mack: Very bad indeed. Blue are outselling me five to one. But I’m hoping for a late surge. And if I reach number one, I promise to sing the song stark naked on TV on Christmas Eve.

    Parky: Do you mean that?

    Billy Mack: Well of course I mean it. Do you want a preview? You old flirt.
    [stands in front of Parky and flashes at him]

    Parky: *That’ll* never make number one!
    __________________________

    Billy Mack: [radio interview] … so if you believe in Christmas, children, like your uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record…

  10. My favorite holiday movie at this point is love actually.

    Comment by: Gary Gunnels at December 23, 2004 03:32 AM

    My favorite Christmas movies are Lethal Weapon and Die Hard.

  11. I’d put Die Hard in the top 3. Other best Christmas movies of all time are It’s a Wonderful Life and A Charlie Brown Christmas.

  12. Shouldn’t the Festivus pole have some snail tracks on it?
    And shouldn’t it, at least, be as colorful as a barber pole?
    Wondering…

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