I See No Colors Anymore…


Outgoing Homeland Security Cleric Tom Ridge has a bold new goddamned idea to ensure the nation's safety as he moves toward private-sector palookadom (i.e., making gobs of money as a "lobbyist," "consultant," "escort," etc.). It's time to rethink the color-coded alert system, he sez, noting that the terror rainbow had raised "questions and even occasional derision" from the very people it was supposed to protect.

There's more: "We need clearly to take a look at what kind of information do we need to give to the public."

No wonder this position is proving so tough to fill; guys with that sort of vision and insight just don't come along very often.

AP story here.

NEXT: Major League Boondoggle

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  1. Tom Ridge has Gillespie in an H.L. Mencken kind of mood.

  2. I’d be upset if this was some kind of federal agency funded by dollars siphoned from my paycheck.

    Oh, wait.

  3. “Occasional derision,” huh? Never heard any of that myself. What a boob.

  4. Too bad, I liked the “modified” chart. I have got it from Whitehouse.org and keep it posted in my office:


  5. You mean that the national mood ring isn’t the thing that’s been preventing another 9/11 these past 3 years?

  6. Gillespie is always in a Mencken mood. That’s why we pay him the big bucks.

  7. What color alert are we on right now? I forget. I want to make sure I take the necessary actions. Oh wait, I don’t have any idea what actions to take for any alert level — guess it doesn’t matter after all.

  8. David, just put your head between your legs and–ah, you know the rest.

  9. Wait a second — why don’t I go into the business of making terror-alert-level-color-coded-underwear?!? At least THEN people would have some tangible action they could take! Finally, my first million is right around the corner…

  10. David,

    Buy lots and lots of clear plastic sheeting and duct tape. Use the duct tape to wrap your house in the plastic sheeting. You might suffocate or die of radon poisoning inside said house, but at least the terrorists won’t kill you. 🙂

  11. David,

    Just walk around all the time dressed as Rambo with a few ammo belts slung over your shoulder, a belt-fed machinegun on your arm, a knife in your teeth, and glare at everyone who looks Arab. I think that’ll get the job done. At least you won’t have to worry about being terrorized for long before they put you in the padded room.

  12. Wait a second — why don’t I go into the business of making terror-alert-level-color-coded-underwear?!?

    Comes in two colors: White, and brown.

  13. Phil,
    I think you’ve hit pay dirt.
    Go with it!

    Come to think of it though, wouldn’t brown be like the Dept of Homeland Security: closing the barn doors after the “horses” have done oozed out?

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