No, Let's Pass Judgment


The Washington Post has one of those odd we-are-not-really-bashing-people bash pieces today targeting Julia Roberts. Roberts, as everyone on this bright blue orb knows, just gave birth to twins and named one of them Phinnaeus.

The Post's Paul Fahri compares Phinnaeus to Methuselah or Obadiah, but not, supposedly, in a bad way.

Celebrity baby names these days are very . . . different. We say this not to pass judgment, but to point out one more way celebrities are not like the rest of us.

Bullshit. We are talking about this because Roberts named her kid Phinnaeus. That is some funny shit. Celebrities are exactly like "the rest of us" in that they do dopey stuff all the damn time.

The only difference might be that celeb hangers-on are afraid to point and laugh when they do.

NEXT: Fat-Free Albion

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  1. Oh, they’ll call him “Finn” for short (whether or not he actually is one) and it will sound just fine. It’s kind of amusing, though, to think that he’ll go through the same minor annoyance many of us did, of having to correct the teacher during rollcall the first day while the other kids giggle.

  2. The only difference might be that celeb hangers-on are afraid to point and laugh when they do.
    Bullshit, celeb-hangers on are just like the rest of us. Sometimes they try calling bullshit on something but ending up being kind of ironic instead.

    Shit I just did it too. Anyone even less famous than me want to give it a go?

  3. Possible schoolyard taunt: Finnie-Ass.
    Anyone else?

  4. I don’t know who Julia Roberts is, but Phineas has one n, as in Phineas T. Bluster. Flubadub has none, her other kid.

  5. Celebrity baby names these days are very . . . different.

    Unlike in the old days where they were common, every-day names like “Moon Unit Zappa” and “Zowie Bowie”.

  6. If I have a son, I’m gonna name him Dutch.

    And the celebrity naming fiasco that takes the cake is Jermaine Jackson’s daughter; he named her–get this–Jermajesty!

  7. I don’t know for sure, but I think “Finn” might be short for Finnigan. I think they have to go with “Phin” for Phineas.

    …For spelling and pronunciation purposes, the kid would have been better off with Gilligan.

  8. Celebrities are exactly like “the rest of us” in that they do dopey stuff all the damn time.

    That’s just beautiful, man! What a great way to start the day.

  9. Allow me to take the contrarian position: I think Phineas is a cool name.

  10. Mark has a point: One of the coolest people of all time was named Phineas, i.e., Phineas T. Barnum.

  11. This highly overrated “actress” (who does that same fucking “bwa-ha-ha-ha” laugh in every one of her fucking films) pushes out two puppies and it’s all over the fucking news.

    What’s the story, big media? Give me something new. Tell me something important. Any broad can fuck and shit out a kid.

  12. Its not “Phineas” (FIN – ee – us), its “Phinnaeus” (fin – AY -us), which is just uberdorky.

  13. I’m still waiting to hear about a kid named “Xaq” (pronounced like “Zach”).

  14. I’m with Mr. Nice Guy. Enough already about this broad. She’s not pretty and she can’t act. She mugs her way through every picture. If ever there was a symbol of everything that’s wrong with Hollywood, it’s- sorry, what was the question?

  15. I went to high school with a girl named Precious. At least Phinnaeus is a real name and not just an adjective.

    I do not know if her parents were Tolkien fans. If they were, the name would be far worse.

  16. New to your site – love it. I would agree with Mr. Nice Guy. Why do the media fawn all over these talentless hacks.

  17. A few years ago my cousin named her kid Anakin. No shit! Anakin, as in Anakin Skywalker, who grows up to be Darth Vader.

  18. Nice to see this thread injected with a nice healthy dose of Sinatra/Rat Pack slang….this “broad”…I love it.

  19. What strikes me is not that she (the broad) had a kid, but that she is one more in a long line of actresses that had such problems carrying the damn thing (‘things’ in this case)! What was the story … fraternal twins? Did she do in-vitro? Why couldn’t she get knocked up the regular way? She’s young enough! And why the big doins with going to the hospital? Did she not take care of herself? I WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!

  20. Julia’s quite good and understated in “Full Frontal.” It’s always interesting to me how people who don’t act and never have are somehow in possession of the knowledge that actors they don’t care for don’t know how to act. I guess it’s the same thing with people who don’t sing and never have thinking that singers they don’t care for “can’t sing.”

    Sorry for getting serious. I’ll be quiet now.

  21. If I ever have a son, I shall name him Tarzan. Talk about timeless cool.

  22. And I thought I was weird for naming my son “Baby Xrlq.” He’s got nothing on Phinnaeus Non-Roberts, Dweezil Zappa and Swamp Albuquerque, or whatever that loser’s name was.

  23. Your son will be even weirder with the name “Baby Xrlq” when he’s an adult.

  24. BLG,

    It’s a fact that she’s 37 and thin. Not the optimum conditions for conception and gestation.

    It is possible that her previous promiscuity (not continuing?) exposed her to pathogens that also affected her ability to bear children.

    QFMC cos. V

  25. The kid’s middle name is “Walter.” You can’t get much more “normal” or prosaic or lower-middle-class than that. If the kid has troubles with having a “different” name, he can always introduce himself as “Walt.” There really is no problem here. People worried about odd names should remember the 19th century, when naming conventions not only allowed but encouraged the taking of exotic Biblical names (“Melchizidek” or “Ezekial”) and other ancient names (“Lysander” or “Darius”). And earlier in American history, some of our more famous Americans included the Mathers, who bequeathed to their sons such great names as “Increase” and peculiar names as “Cotton.” We have become a boring and fearful race of crowd-minded followers. It’s nice to see the “stars” inject a little diversity into our culture.

  26. Celebrity baby names these days are very . . . different.

    Bullshit. Non-celebrities name their kids all sorts of odd names. I was watching a football game over the weekend and a guy was playing whose first name was “EarthWind” as in Earth, Wind and Fire. No wonder he became a football player; he had to kick the ass of everyone who picked on him.

    Anyway, I doubt his parents are celebrities.

  27. The wife and I had the Phinnaeus or not-to-Phinneaus debate this morning. She liked the name. Nonsense.

    While we’re on the name game, the wife also teaches a kid named Embryonica, and her friend in Cali teaches a kid named…and I shit you not…Shithead. It’s pronounced “shi-TADE”.

  28. I have a big correction…big–very big!

    Above I said that Jermaine Jackson had named his daughter Jermajesty, but I was dead, flat wrong. After further research, it has been determined that it is Jermaine’s son that bears the name Jermajesty.

    …Not his daughter–his son.

  29. My mom was a substitute teacher, and she taught kids named Placenta and Urine (the latter was pronounced “You-REE-nah”).

    (Their parents were not celebrities.)

  30. Non-celebrities name their kids all sorts of odd names.

    Indeed. Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing is great proof of that.

  31. Ken Schultz:

    Finn (“fair”) isn’t short for anything. It is great old Irish name, that of Fionn mac Cumhail (Finn MacCool), ancient Ireland’s great legendary hero, second only to Cuchullain. Phineas Finn from Trollope’s Palliser series proudly bore both monikers. Finnegan, or variants, derive from Finn.

    The Greek spelling turns an odd name into one that will inspire schoolyard bullies to new depths. Might as well name the kid “Sue.”


  32. There’s one C-List actress who named her kid Audio Science. Yes, Audio Science.

  33. JB,

    When Earthwind Moore got benched on Monday Night for giving up a long touchdown, John Madden commented, “Earthwind got fired.”

    Ba dum dum.

  34. maybe she’s just a fan of “a separate peace” and couldn’t spell for a damn… so celebrities don’t name their kidz worse things than the general populace (connor?? blane?? other people’s surnames??? fuck me!) AND are as equally as fucking stoopid.

    bah humbug,

  35. OK, enough with the celebrity name bashing, Apple is a cute name, and Phinaeus can go by his middle name, Walter. I’ll admit, some of he names go too far, but Coco? Coco is an absolutely sweet name that is common and it has sentimental value for her parents. And I also would like to congratulate Julia on becoming a mommy, and that I’m sure she saw something in Closer that I didn’t. Luv ya, Julia

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