John Barleycorn Must Die!

Or at least be very clearly warned not to exceed "three to four units [of booze] a day for men, two or three for women".

That's according to new warning labels on hooch being introduced by Brit brewer Scottish and Newcastle. Except that the labels are not warning labels (got that? have another three or four units–or two to three if you're a woman–and it'll all make sense, really [hiccup]):

Scottish and Newcastle told the BBC the move did not amount to a health warning, but was the result of a decision to provide the consumer with more information.

The decision comes in the light of growing bad publicity about the UK's binge drinking culture.

It is likely the rest of the country's brewers will follow suit.

And don't sweat it–the new bottles will let you know how many "units" they be.

Can't we just skip to what will someday be known as the Joe Jackson label: Everything Gives You Cancer: No caffeine, No protein, No booze or Nicotine.

[A tip o' the glass to Neil Hrab!]