Those Crazy Gals

Everybody is angry at the Bush twins, claiming their speech last night was "lame," "unfunny," and "made me question how a benevolent God could create a universe so frightening and wrong."

Well, I think all of these people are just plain jealous. The Bush gals, Jenna and Barbara, were hilarious!

Sure, I may have cringed once or twice (the second time so severely that my facial muscles were torqued clean off the bone) and, yes, I couldn't make it through the whole speech because I shoved my head through the television monitor and thrashed about until an artery was opened, but, hey! That material was pure gold. Kudos, girls, kudos!

Meanwhile the Bush twins' opening act, feisty immigrant comedian Arnold Schwarzenegger, was observed a short while ago at a fancy Madison Avenue shoe store where even the cheapest loafers cost about the same as a healthy white slave girl.

After Arnie left, I wandered in to ask an outrageously snooty shoe salesman if the Californicator had purchased anything. "We do not reveal those details," said the upmarket Al Bundy, affecting to be all disappointed that someone should ask such a grasping, grubby question.

Just then a rear door opened and Bundy's breathless co-salesman appeared, holding several pairs of shoes he'd retrieved for Arnie's inspection. "Where is he? Is he gone?" asked the crestfallen shoe dude. Hasta la vista, snobby!