Axis of Ass

In a move expertly tailored to the sensibilities of crucial middle-American swing voters, anti-Bush campaigners today performed various ass-related actions before a leering Battery Park crowd.

Some 250 members of the Axis of Eve group - featuring a surprisingly high 1/8 hot/not ratio - danced, chanted, yelled, and capered extensively, causing exactly no difference in this year's presidential election.

"We're trying to make a difference," said Axis of Eve member Heather Eve (like the Ramones, the group's members employ a common, easy-to-spell surname).

In the manner of a radicalized Jerry Springer audience, the Eves took questions from television's Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Troublingly difficult questions, apparently, given the sometimes-awkward pauses that followed.

A massive police presence (four cops) laughed and took pictures with their cellphones.

There were no arrests. A clothed and decent George W. Bush is expected to win the election, to be held on November 2.