Conventional Roundup


I liked Teresa Heinz Kerry's speech better when she was defending her right to be opinionated than when she was actually expressing her opinions. Unfortunately, the opinions made up the bulk of the speech. She was still better than the grossly overrated Barack Obama: 150 pounds of hype in a focus-grouped suit.

I was hoping Ron Reagan would dance in his underwear, like he did on Saturday Night Live. Instead he told us to vote for Stem Cell Research in November. I'd like to vote for Stem Cell Research, but I'm afraid he'll take away too many votes from Kerry.

The low point was when they paraded around that poor little girl from Kids for Kerry. I'm sure she'll have a hard time living this down four years from now when she spends all her time smoking cigarettes and listening to Metallica. I couldn't bear to watch.


NEXT: Is Bad Taste an Impeachable Offense?

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  1. Jesse, I’ll take Obama over this any day:

    “Cheney said Americans were safer and he stood by prewar characterizations of Iraq as a ‘gathering threat’ despite the failure to find weapons of mass destruction and new warnings by Cheney and other administration officials that another major terrorist attack may be coming.” [From Reuters report, July 27 by Adam Entous] 07.28.04

  2. Being opinionated is one thing. However, making obscene gestures and saying “shove it” to someone is more sophomoric than woman’s lib.

  3. BTW Jesse, is this Reagan in his underwear thing a fetish?

  4. Apparently Teresa is loved by feminists. Not sure why. She got rich by marrying a millionaire and as far as I can figure has never held an actual job in her life. Basically she is a gold digging limousine liberal. Personally I think there are better advocates for women’s lib.

    I have no problem calling women intelligent and well informed, assuming they really are. I see no evidence that Teresa falls in that category.

  5. I’m sorry, have I missed something? Is there some big political event going on? Everyone’s going on about speeches, and Bill Clinton and some podium… What gives?

  6. I expect that the Wexler kid will be rockin’ out to the sounds of Are You Out Of Your Fuck? in a few years. They haven’t formed yet, but are destined to be one of the leading bands of the upcoming Nought Wave.

    (Rock & Roll Psychic)

  7. Hey, I liked that suit. Nice tie, too.

  8. “The low point was when they paraded around that poor little girl — she was the head of Kids for Kerry or something like that…”

    Can someone provide color commentary for someone avoiding all the fun?

  9. I thought Obama certainly displayed a supreme gift for gab, but there wasn’t any substance to his speech.

    Creepy: the rhythmic chanting of his name. At least wait for him to take his seat in the Senate before building his cult of personality.

  10. Wow. Your comments make me feel like I’m in the late 1990’s again, with hip, ironic dissaffected commentary all the rage. You dudes gonna find any other major politician saying get the cops outta the libraries and give due process back to the war on terror?

  11. Sorry Jesse, the Metallica image you tried to invoke died some twelve (or more) years ago. I’d be like fretting about some kid in the early 90’s listening to Voodoo Lounge.

  12. Jesse–

    Are you out of your Fuck? You must be. Obama was big-time. Made Bill Clinton look like the slightly-better-than-average used car dealer that he plainly is.

    The last politician that gave me goosebumps of that sort was…Ronald Reagan.

    “We worship a great God in the Blue States…”
    “And we got some gay friends in the Red States…”

    It was all I could do to control myself from cheering in front of my tv screen.

    Three words, motherfucker: first black president.

  13. The Wexler kid was creepy. Children should be kept away from politics, for the same reason they should be kept away from adult bookstores.

    (Did Mencken say that? He should have…)

  14. Ditto on the hapless (albeit irritating) girl from “Kids for Kerry.”

    As for Teresa, when I used to see her in two second clips I thought she was sassy and a little sexy. After 30 minutes of pleading for women’s rights (which I thought American women pretty much already had) and doing the Bill Clinton wink and smirk, she was just tiresome.

  15. T-Bone: When I saw the new Metallica movie at the Maryland Film Festival earlier this year, the place was packed with fans. Not all of them were old.

    Trainwreck: Disaffected, ironic commentary has generally been the rule when libertarians watch political conventions — in the ’90s, in the ’60s, in the ’20s, whenever. It follows from not being impressed at the sight of politicians spouting whatever they think their audience wants to hear. Sure, Obama said some things I agree with. I stopped being impressed when a politician said something I agreed with when the ’90s were still a gleam in Father Time’s eye.

    The only speech I’ve enjoyed at this convention was Clinton’s. Bill, not Hillary.

  16. “When I saw the new Metallica movie at the Maryland Film Festival earlier this year, the place was packed with fans. Not all of them were old.”

    But all of them were lame.

  17. What’s so wrong with smoking cigs and jamming Metallica?


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